friendships: being taken advantage of

C

Candy19

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how can you really know and tell when friends are using you or just keep you as their friend for the sake of it?

I've always been that person people can easily take advantage of, I mean I'm overly shy, emotional and naive

with every friendship I've ever had I've felt used, when I leave it's as if they never cared, most times it seems they are a lot happier without me

I'm not special to anyone, or considered anyone's best or close friend, how do I possibly make these types of friendships instead of the ones that end up making me feel like an absolute nobody?
 
DanL15000

DanL15000

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In the "real" world

In my situation, anyone who is my friend is giving more than they are getting.

Not that I wouldn't like to be able to offer more, just not much left in me.
 
R

Rusalochka

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I have had PLENTY of these 'fair weather friends'..... if they abandon you when you're in trouble.... kick them out of your life FOREVER.
 
C

Candy19

Guest
I have had PLENTY of these 'fair weather friends'..... if they abandon you when you're in trouble.... kick them out of your life FOREVER.
I've been struggling a lot the past few months, pretty much all my friends have ditched me
 
C

Candy19

Guest
In my situation, anyone who is my friend is giving more than they are getting.
I'm trying to learn not to give so much now, I've spent so much on people that didn't give anything back because I felt as if I needed to "earn" their friendship, which is probably partly why they took advantage
 
H

hongli

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In a society of self sufficiency and an overwhelming pressure to succeed, unfortunately many people are selfish and keep friends for their own benefit...It sounds like you unfortunately have been riddled with these people.

There are truly compassionate people out there, though they may be hard to find. A church community or a wellness group would be a good place to find these people who may also struggle with the same things you do.

I have had similar experiences, where I have friends who I need to constantly expend effort to spend time with, and when I feel lonely and need someone, no one reaches out and truly does much because they are all too "busy" with their own lives.

True friendships seem really hard to come by these days, and I'm really sorry that your experiences with friendships have been negative. Feel free to share your thoughts here! You never know when you might make an unlikely friend :)
 
C

Candy19

Guest
when I feel lonely and need someone, no one reaches out and truly does much because they are all too "busy" with their own lives.
that's my life honestly, I've felt so alone recently, my friends all saying they're too busy yet have no problem hanging out without me and rubbing it in my face?

I don't know, maybe I'm the one that's the bad friend which is why they all treat me the way they do
 
DanL15000

DanL15000

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that's my life honestly, I've felt so alone recently, my friends all saying they're too busy yet have no problem hanging out without me and rubbing it in my face?

I don't know, maybe I'm the one that's the bad friend which is why they all treat me the way they do
I must admit I peeked at your profile and I think it may be an age thing. I don't think you've been a bad friend. It is just a very fluid time when people's lives are rapidly changing.

I doubt it helps, but I would encourage you to be forgiving of what are likely unintentional hurts. They just aren't thinking. You'll feel better if you don't blame yourself...and things may improve.
 
S

silly me

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I have had PLENTY of these 'fair weather friends'..... if they abandon you when you're in trouble.... kick them out of your life FOREVER.
I used to be so afraid of doing that. :unsure:

But basically, it's like throwing "clutter" out of one's house. It's quite freeing, and you have more space for yourself to move around.
 
S

silly me

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I've been struggling a lot the past few months, pretty much all my friends have ditched me
There's an old saying, Melodiousa..

You can't miss something you never had...

I learned in my short time here on this planet, that the most precious thing a person can give you is their time.

Not their:

Food

Money

Sex/bodies

Nope.. Time, is a very dear commodity.

I've lost very good friends through out the years because of it. These were the types that if i needed someone to talk to, they "didn't have the time".. But when their world was caving in on them - they could always depend on "Silly Me" to be there when the chips were down.

When i realized, that my friendships were one-sided, and certainly not reciprocated? I would eventually back off, or just stop texting. Usually i was always the one who had to initiate the conversations via text messaging, in the first place.

(cont'd)
 
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S

silly me

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(cont'd)

The moment i started treating them the way they were treating me? There they were! Blowing up my cell phone, as well as the text messages.

This also happened when they would hear some juicy gossip, or something happened at work, or the gym.. Especially if they knew i was close to the person of interest. Or if they were fishing for money, or sympathy.

"Are you okay?"

"Is anything wrong?"

"Haven't heard from you for a while"..



Sometimes, i would confront them on their behavior - or the lack thereof.. and i would get "gas lighted" or they would come up with some lame excuse.. But many times? I just stopped bothering. It was too painful knowing that once that conversation was over? I was forgotten all over again anyway.

Those of us, who are highly transient, learn over time, to not get too connected, or being there for others more so than they are for us. There have been times, we connect with people on a job for over 3 months, and go out of our way to try to re-kindle that friendship? But once you're out of their sight? You're out of their minds. They've all gone back to their own little worlds. And we're not in them.
 
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