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Friendship Post-Breakup (I need advice!)

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SicklyBloom

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Today I was searching Barnes and Noble for an oracle deck when I grew extremely depressed. See, I've been getting over 8-year long friendship since the past year, call me sentimental or overemotional. There's a lot of items left over from that particular friendship that leave me with nothing but feeling of guilt and shame. We both are into astrology and spiritual practices, especially witchcraft. I got my ex-friend into it and he fell in love with crystals, astrology, and the whole nine yards. Then again, I'm also the one who caused him grief here and there, especially with my careless actions and words. This erratic behavior eventually ended our friendship and I can't blame him in the slightest. It still ways on me like a stone because of how I feel burdened with the remnants like a few crystals he gifted me. He bought his own stones and I begged him to give me some which wasn't technically fair because the ones he bought were for himself. I was naïve, immature, and a bit selfish in a lot of ways which I've since outgrown. I'm obviously not the same person since last year and this year has strengthened me in a lot of ways. I've contemplated on my past behavior and thinking patterns and have since forgiven myself, but what if it's not enough? I feel this need to tie loose ends somehow, as well give away those crystals because I just can't look at them without cringing. I honestly didn't deserve them nor did I deserve all those so-called second chances, I deserved to be hurt in order to find self-acceptance.

I know it's wrong to say I deserved to be hurt, but in a way, it was wake up call. Now, I know when I'm being completely dishonest with myself because of it. I know myself better enough not to treat others as if they owe me the world. Friends are nice and everyone should have them, but when does it become a obsession? I believe I became desperate, so I expected my friend to feel a certain way about me and that's not fair. Also, he was still my friend and I got wrongfully jealous when he started reaching out to other people, so I was inhibiting his growth in a way. I feel awful remembering the stupid things I said and did because now I realize how careless I was. If I did actually care, then why didn't think twice? I knew I was trying to get back at him for choosing others over me. He ignored months after our last interaction and covered it about by saying he needed a "break" and now I know that was white lie.

Now it's going on 2021 and this happened in 2019. I'm stuck with the stones he begrudgingly bought and there's probably nothing I can do to repurpose them. I've changed but everything around me hasn't and I feel stuck with the consequences. I deserve to move on and find a way to restore what's been broken. I've neglected my spiritual practice out of remorse and respect due to that I believe in a higher power. It's been over a year now and I want to resume my divination practices. Any advice on how I can move on without taking any drastic measures?

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Happy Holidays!
 
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Nukelavee

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Seems easy enough, just toss them. Or leave them at a bus stop.
 
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SicklyBloom

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Seems easy enough, just toss them. Or leave them at a bus stop.
You can't just toss crystals. They're mined and carved, it would be a wasteful and unethical move to make. A lot craftmanship goes into distributing crystals, plus they came from a small business.
 
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swillis

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Just a disclaimer, I'm kinda direct so ignore this post if you are sensitive.

It sounds like your very possessive compared to the average person over what could be considered as minor or trivial things. The crystals only mean as much as what you assign to them, just sell them on and donate the money to a charity if you feel bad. Then you can turn a page and leave it be.

You also come across as if by being a good person things are going to magically come back to you, like your friend. I'm not sure how you ended and on what terms, but if it's irreparable, accept that and move on. Good things do not always necessarily come back to good people. Lessons must be learnt to grow, which it sounds like you've done.

Demonstrate what you've learnt by detaching yourself from the crystals and leaving it all be for good.

Hope this wasn't too much.
 
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Purpleplum

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Maybe ship him the crystals with a simple note such as: "I just wanted you to have your crystals. Take care."

Do not want or expect a reply.
 
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Nukelavee

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They're mined and carved,
What, like they have runes carved into them?

Somebody else will find them and think "Oh boy, pretty rocks!", and take them home.

To be honest, if they were mined in Africa, as "healing" crystals, owning or buying them was unethical, for the same reasons as blood diamonds. The odds are that keeping them is a bigger ethics issue than getting rid of them.
You also come across as if by being a good person things are going to magically come back to you, like your friend. I'm not sure how you ended and on what terms, but if it's irreparable, accept that and move on. Good things do not always necessarily come back to good people. Lessons must be learnt to grow, which it sounds like you've done.
this is kind of brilliant. So many people never have this realization. Life isn't a movie, things don't always work out in the end, and sometimes it's too late to save a friendship. Some bridges never get rebuilt when you burn them.

I speak from experience, lol.

I feel like your reluctance to ditch the crystals has more to do with them being a memento, and less about ethics.
 
S

SicklyBloom

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Just a disclaimer, I'm kinda direct so ignore this post if you are sensitive.

It sounds like your very possessive compared to the average person over what could be considered as minor or trivial things. The crystals only mean as much as what you assign to them, just sell them on and donate the money to a charity if you feel bad. Then you can turn a page and leave it be.

You also come across as if by being a good person things are going to magically come back to you, like your friend. I'm not sure how you ended and on what terms, but if it's irreparable, accept that and move on. Good things do not always necessarily come back to good people. Lessons must be learnt to grow, which it sounds like you've done.

Demonstrate what you've learnt by detaching yourself from the crystals and leaving it all be for good.

Hope this wasn't too much.
Now, I don't believe that being good will reward nor am I looking to be rewarded. I don't want to be friends with him again because I'm aware what's done is done. I'm only trying to find a productive way to repurpose items that I only bring me bad memories. By the way, they aren't random feelings, they trigger my already existing depressing.
 
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swillis

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274
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UK
Look into how they are obtained.

If your looking to do the ethical thing and they're obtained by unethical practices.

Destroy them and donate to a humanitarian cause.

If they are obtained by ethical practices.

Sell them or ship them to your friend with a note as suggested, then donate the money anyway if you feel like it.

Up to you.

If they are triggering unwanted or unhelpful thoughts or feelings, they need to go.
 
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SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
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Messages
175
Location
USA
What, like they have runes carved into them?

Somebody else will find them and think "Oh boy, pretty rocks!", and take them home.

To be honest, if they were mined in Africa, as "healing" crystals, owning or buying them was unethical, for the same reasons as blood diamonds. The odds are that keeping them is a bigger ethics issue than getting rid of them.

this is kind of brilliant. So many people never have this realization. Life isn't a movie, things don't always work out in the end, and sometimes it's too late to save a friendship. Some bridges never get rebuilt when you burn them.

I speak from experience, lol.

I feel like your reluctance to ditch the crystals has more to do with them being a memento, and less about ethics.
Heads up, I'm aware of this. Just because I have feelings of remorse and don't let go as easily doesn't mean I'm delusional. I'm not looking for reward, I just want to heal what's been left over.
Where they crystals come from is out of my control, I'm highly aware of where they came from as well. They came from the United States. I don't want to make this too philosophical, I just want to know methods of dealing with depression and personal growth. I'm not looking to be friends with him or a reward, I just want to feel a sense of relief for once for Pete's sake!
 
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Nukelavee

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Then get rid of the crystals - keeping them around is a reminder you don't need. That's a way of dealing with this.

Toss them and move on - that would be personal growth.
 
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Hana26

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Nov 26, 2020
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World
To me, it seems that you devalue yourself and look at yourself negatively. You might not be as bad as you think you are and your friend surely isn't perfect.

I'm not saying that you don't have any responsibility regarding what happened but if anything, this story has made you grow up and mature, you realized certain things about yourself and about friendship which will allow you to form healthier bonds with other people.

You might hang on to those crystal so much because they represent not only your former friendship but also your guilt. Forgive yourself in order to move on.
If you don't feel quite ready yet, put them in a box and hide it up in a closet or in a place where it won't be noticeable daily.

When you are ready, consider selling them, getting rid of them or donating them, you could even send them to your former pal. They are objects therefore they only have the importance you decide to give them. Good luck x
 
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SicklyBloom

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Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
175
Location
USA
To me, it seems that you devalue yourself and look at yourself negatively. You might not be as bad as you think you are and your friend surely isn't perfect.

I'm not saying that you don't have any responsibility regarding what happened but if anything, this story has made you grow up and mature, you realized certain things about yourself and about friendship which will allow you to form healthier bonds with other people.

You might hang on to those crystal so much because they represent not only your former friendship but also your guilt. Forgive yourself in order to move on.
If you don't feel quite ready yet, put them in a box and hide it up in a closet or in a place where it won't be noticeable daily.

When you are ready, consider selling them, getting rid of them or donating them, you could even send them to your former pal. They are objects therefore they only have the importance you decide to give them. Good luck x
Thank you, I've decided to put them away until I have a clear idea on what I'll do with them. I feel understood now because those stones do hold a lot of guilt and that's what I've been trying to explain. I've grown since then but insecurities still remain apparent.
 

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