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New member
Feb 7, 2015
I am in need of some support / advice and I didn't know where else to turn. A really good friend of mine is currently on remand for murder and attempted murder and the trial will begin shortly. He has some pretty severe mental health issues, exacerbated by weed that he has smoked his whole life, and things got increasingly dark and difficult last year, leading to the incident which has seen him in prison an incident that thus far he can't remember. I adore him. I feel like my life stopped the moment that I found out what he had done, and selfishly, I am really struggling not to be overcome by what ifs about the past, and really difficult thoughts about the future. This whole situation has completely destroyed everything, there are no winners in the situation, someone is dead, his family are ripped apart, he is falling deeper and deeper into his own head, and I feel like everything has spiralled so fast that it is hard to even think straight.

I am pretty sure that he is schizophrenic, but has always been undiagnosed. He displayed those signs to me for years, but I was powerless to help because any outside help was rejected and I felt that I was the only person he could trust so I didn't want to push him to a point where he felt he had no one. There is no question that he has done the things he has been accused of, the only question really is how responsible he actually was for the crime owing to everything that was going on in his head. I feel like I am judged for visiting him, for loving him but ours is the kind of friendship that I never had a choice.

How do I help? I know realistically that I can't. That there is nothing I can do that will change what has happened, or the outcome of what comes next. I just wondered whether anyone had any experience in this kind of situation or could offer any tip bit of advice about how to keep on functioning, and how not to get sucked into this black hole.
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2014
Hi Crocodilekisses and welcome to the forum.

Unfortunately I've no constructive advice and I haven't been in a similar situation before. I just wanted to welcome you and let you know how sorry I am to hear about the situation your friend is in. You must be finding it difficult to cope and probably feel quite helpless.

You can't help how you feel about your friend, regardless of what has happened, and I'm sorry to hear that you feel judged for visiting and caring. All you can really do is let him know you're there for him but also be aware of how much you can cope with too. It must be a very difficult time for all concerned.

I wish you well. :hug1: