O
OutoftheRed
Member
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2018
- Messages
- 5
Hi, I don't know where to post this, I guess I just really need a place to open up
I had met a guy through reddit on a covidpositive sub, I have a friend in real life who had been fighting the virus so I posted there for some support and that is where I met this person who was also fighting it
We talked every couple of days and bonded pretty quickly, it was just casual conversation and keeping each other up to date with how he was managing and also how my friend was doing
Throughout May is when his messages got very dark and every week he told me couldn't stand the pain any longer and wanted a way out, I tried to give hopeful and encouraging words every time
He would tell me how his GP was completely useless and sometimes didn't believe how much he was struggling, plus his family also weren't very supportive he told me
Around the start of June his girlfriend of 5 years broke up with him and he told me he had a plan, again I tried to beg him not too, but I felt so helpless, I didn't know his real name, only his age and county he lived in
15th June I messaged him "hey how have you been" no response
21st June I messaged him again "are you alright?" no response
From then on I had a feeling, but didn't want to believe it and kept convincing myself he either was in hospital or just wasn't in the mood to chat
Then yesterday morning I got a message from his account claiming to be from his mum "hi I'm ___, my son ____ took his life on 15th June"
At first I was in denial, but then I used his name, age, and area he lived and did a little google, there were 2 articles on his death, I also used facebook and found his friends and family posting their condolences
All day I was crying, I feel like I should have done more or said more, I have to live with the fact someone ended up taking their life and I knew about it days before hoping they wouldn't
I feel like if I tell anyone then they'll also judge me for not doing more, I also feel like I can't "grieve" because I didn't know him that well, he was just a username on a forum that I'd occasionally chat to
That was someone's son, brother, friend, lover, I feel terrible for them
I had met a guy through reddit on a covidpositive sub, I have a friend in real life who had been fighting the virus so I posted there for some support and that is where I met this person who was also fighting it
We talked every couple of days and bonded pretty quickly, it was just casual conversation and keeping each other up to date with how he was managing and also how my friend was doing
Throughout May is when his messages got very dark and every week he told me couldn't stand the pain any longer and wanted a way out, I tried to give hopeful and encouraging words every time
He would tell me how his GP was completely useless and sometimes didn't believe how much he was struggling, plus his family also weren't very supportive he told me
Around the start of June his girlfriend of 5 years broke up with him and he told me he had a plan, again I tried to beg him not too, but I felt so helpless, I didn't know his real name, only his age and county he lived in
15th June I messaged him "hey how have you been" no response
21st June I messaged him again "are you alright?" no response
From then on I had a feeling, but didn't want to believe it and kept convincing myself he either was in hospital or just wasn't in the mood to chat
Then yesterday morning I got a message from his account claiming to be from his mum "hi I'm ___, my son ____ took his life on 15th June"
At first I was in denial, but then I used his name, age, and area he lived and did a little google, there were 2 articles on his death, I also used facebook and found his friends and family posting their condolences
All day I was crying, I feel like I should have done more or said more, I have to live with the fact someone ended up taking their life and I knew about it days before hoping they wouldn't
I feel like if I tell anyone then they'll also judge me for not doing more, I also feel like I can't "grieve" because I didn't know him that well, he was just a username on a forum that I'd occasionally chat to
That was someone's son, brother, friend, lover, I feel terrible for them