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Friend told me he wanted to die a week before he actually did it

O

OutoftheRed

Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2018
Messages
5
Hi, I don't know where to post this, I guess I just really need a place to open up

I had met a guy through reddit on a covidpositive sub, I have a friend in real life who had been fighting the virus so I posted there for some support and that is where I met this person who was also fighting it

We talked every couple of days and bonded pretty quickly, it was just casual conversation and keeping each other up to date with how he was managing and also how my friend was doing

Throughout May is when his messages got very dark and every week he told me couldn't stand the pain any longer and wanted a way out, I tried to give hopeful and encouraging words every time
He would tell me how his GP was completely useless and sometimes didn't believe how much he was struggling, plus his family also weren't very supportive he told me
Around the start of June his girlfriend of 5 years broke up with him and he told me he had a plan, again I tried to beg him not too, but I felt so helpless, I didn't know his real name, only his age and county he lived in

15th June I messaged him "hey how have you been" no response

21st June I messaged him again "are you alright?" no response

From then on I had a feeling, but didn't want to believe it and kept convincing myself he either was in hospital or just wasn't in the mood to chat

Then yesterday morning I got a message from his account claiming to be from his mum "hi I'm ___, my son ____ took his life on 15th June"

At first I was in denial, but then I used his name, age, and area he lived and did a little google, there were 2 articles on his death, I also used facebook and found his friends and family posting their condolences

All day I was crying, I feel like I should have done more or said more, I have to live with the fact someone ended up taking their life and I knew about it days before hoping they wouldn't

I feel like if I tell anyone then they'll also judge me for not doing more, I also feel like I can't "grieve" because I didn't know him that well, he was just a username on a forum that I'd occasionally chat to

That was someone's son, brother, friend, lover, I feel terrible for them
 
Mal84

Mal84

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,510
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
I’m sorry for your loss :hug1:

Please don’t feel you could if done more, when a person has that thought, it’s very hard to get their mindset to change and from what I’ve read, you were there for them.

You can grieve for him and please don’t feel that you can’t.

Take care.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
3,024
Location
Pyongyang, DPRK
Sorry for your loss - you were one of the bright sparks in the last days of their life, and I'm sure they really appreciated every thing you did for them. But they took that decision, and there's not much more you could do to stop it. Don't blame yourself for what happened, and you can grieve their loss if you'd like. Stay strong <3
 
M

Mary on the hill

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
60
Location
Batavia NY
When i was 19 i met this Indian guy i liked. He was a yr younger than me. I went to his house a few times (this was like 50 yrs ago!!), but i didn't feel comfortable there as he and others were shooting up heroin. I didn't go back. The bar we went to put the age limit up and he couldn't go in the bar anymore. One day he met me outside the bar and told me he wanted to quit the drugs. He said he really needed to talk to me and needed help in quitting the drugs. I told him i would meet him after the bar closed at 3 a.m. He told me he would wait at the corner for me. Well, i met this other guy there who i liked and the guy gave me a ride home. We passed the corner and i saw Richie waiting for me there. He was pacing back and forth. I ducked down so he wouldn't see me. I went home. Two wks later some friends told me that Richie died from an overdose. They told me where the funeral home was. I was on my bike. I rode fast, but i got there just at 9 when they closed. I never saw him again. For 50 yrs i have felt guilty over not speaking to him and skipping out on him. I can't forget it. I realize now that i myself could never help him. I wish i could have given him comfort tho. You tried your best so don't beat yourself up on it. You did the best you could.

I had a girlfriend who had a brother who was real depressed. He told her a few times that he was gonna kill himself. She laughed at him. One day he came upstairs and showed her how he intended to kill himself. She didn't believe him. Two wks later she found him dead in the cellar. She too feels guilty to this day. His house was cold as he had no heat. Why didn't she tell him he could sleep upstairs? He took a cold shower. Why didn't she say he could use her shower? I think she has a reason for feeling guilty, but me and you don't.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
834
It is a sad event. So many problems and pain in this world. People try to find a way out, somehow, I suppose death is their final solution.
 
M

Mary on the hill

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
60
Location
Batavia NY
When i was 19 i met this Indian guy i liked. He was a yr younger than me. I went to his house a few times (this was like 50 yrs ago!!), but i didn't feel comfortable there as he and others were shooting up heroin. I didn't go back. The bar we went to put the age limit up and he couldn't go in the bar anymore. One day he met me outside the bar and told me he wanted to quit the drugs. He said he really needed to talk to me and needed help in quitting the drugs. I told him i would meet him after the bar closed at 3 a.m. He told me he would wait at the corner for me. Well, i met this other guy there who i liked and the guy gave me a ride home. We passed the corner and i saw Richie waiting for me there. He was pacing back and forth. I ducked down so he wouldn't see me. I went home. Two wks later some friends told me that Richie died from an overdose. They told me where the funeral home was. I was on my bike. I rode fast, but i got there just at 9 when they closed. I never saw him again. For 50 yrs i have felt guilty over not speaking to him and skipping out on him. I can't forget it. I realize now that i myself could never help him. I wish i could have given him comfort tho. You tried your best so don't beat yourself up on it. You did the best you could.

I had a girlfriend who had a brother who was real depressed. He told her a few times that he was gonna kill himself. She laughed at him. One day he came upstairs and showed her how he intended to kill himself. She didn't believe him. Two wks later she found him dead in the cellar. She too feels guilty to this day. His house was cold as he had no heat. Why didn't she tell him he could sleep upstairs? He took a cold shower. Why didn't she say he could use her shower? I think she has a reason for feeling guilty, but me and you don't.
Why do you keep censoring my words? I will not reply anymore now since you have censored my words. You changed the words that i wrote into something else. I am done replying here. Good bye censored monitor!!!
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
620
Location
UK
Do not blame yourself for your friends passing. All you can do is be supportive and show your friends and family that are alive that you care.
 
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