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Friend chooses when i can exist in her life

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Nick3000

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Hey im new here ive been looking for a place to talk to as i feel i have no one i can talk to so i hope ive posted this in the right section.

My So Called "friend" only seems to talk to me when she breaks up with her Boyfriend.

Im fed up of being there for her when she has a breakup with him that only seems to last a few days then she goes back to him then never replies to my msgs or calls until the next episode.

Should i tell her how this is making me feel as a person who has BPD (which she knows ive been suffering lately) this messes with my mind a fair bit aswell.

I really like her but cant take this feeling of only existing when she chooses.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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You exist in your life

Focus on you

I wasted many years on friends like this
 
H

Hana26

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The answer you are looking for is in the title of your post. She isn't a friend and you should not give her as much importance as you do. You are being used as an emotional crutch when it's convenient for her, walk away and focus on yourself x
 
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Nukelavee

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Pretty much what Hana said - she isn't really a friend.

for what it's worth, as somebody with BPD, I do have some real close friends - hold out for the friendship you are worth, not the one you think you have to settle for.
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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I had to deal with a friendship like this. It came to a breaking point. I was tired of being someone she occasionally had time for. If you feel like you want to have a conversation with her and that important to you then do. But be prepared that you might not get the response you want. If she dismisses the problem or turns it on you walk away break ties. It not worth the mental chaos it brings upon you. Also if the behavior continues even if the conversation goes well. Remember you worth more and deserve better than that. Someone else will truly appreciate your friendship and will MAKE time you.
 
Ghost_Owl

Ghost_Owl

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That sounds like a one sided friendship. That in the long term can only drain from you and leave you disappointed at their failure to be a meaningful friend. However before you move on maybe ask yourself what evidence do you have the friendship is one sided? What evidence do you have that it is not one sided? Maybe draw up a list of examples for both and examine the balance. Sometimes illness can distort how we view others so it's worth testing it by exploring both sides of the feeling you are having, but with examples not feelings. Your page of results then may be a more grounded measure to decide from. Perhaps informing them of how you feel could change it for the better. On a purely surface level with the information provided they may be using you as an emotional crutch as Hana has said. You are not a tool to be used for others convenience. Also, welcome to the forum lots of friendly people here. Take care.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Is her boyfriend the controlling type? She may want to talk to you but he could be stopping her.

Some boyfriends get really jealous especially if you're a male.
 
M

Mistral

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You perhaps need to be more proactive with friends or they will continue to treat you as an unpaid therapist or like a sort of companion for when they feel they need one. YOU make suggestions of what to do and when to do them.
 
J

JoleneInCalifornia

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Nov 23, 2020
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I always put limitations on people. Some people are great for hanging out at the bar. Some are good for getting advice about personal problems. And others are good for helping out with mediocre things, like a ride to the airport, help with moving furniture, etc. Point is, always always always try to be proactive with putting limitations on people. For instance - i love my best friend. We go way back and i know that no matter what, he will be there for me until the end. However, I would never take him to the concert with me because he's not fun to be around at concerts. He's quiet and sorta just bops his head to the music, and I like to dance and shoot the shhh with others because I am extroverted. I also have a friend that i like to go to church with. But, on the other hand, i would never ask her to go out drinking with my friends that speak foul language.
 
Ladyfair

Ladyfair

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Hello and welcome! I wasted a lot of years on someone whom I believed was a friend. They ended up hurting me emotionally and disappearing from my life with no explanation. Ihope you find the answer your looking for.😊
 
Z

Zoe1

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you need to meet other friends
and not put all your eggs in one basket
which is not fair on your friend either
 
N

Nick3000

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Nov 27, 2020
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Windermere
Is her boyfriend the controlling type? She may want to talk to you but he could be stopping her.

Some boyfriends get really jealous especially if you're a male.
I work with this girl and on monday i asked if she would like to just come out after we finish she said yeah she would like that. Anyway a few hours later she says to me i have to call her Boyfriend before we go out. Then she just finished work and said she changed her mind. So yeah to me it sounds like she has a controlling boyfriend.
But when i get into a mood i see the bed and just think shes making excuses and that he didnt really need me to call him.
 
M

Mistral

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I work with this girl and on monday i asked if she would like to just come out after we finish she said yeah she would like that. Anyway a few hours later she says to me i have to call her Boyfriend before we go out. Then she just finished work and said she changed her mind. So yeah to me it sounds like she has a controlling boyfriend.
But when i get into a mood i see the bed and just think shes making excuses and that he didnt really need me to call him.
She let you down by saying yes and then changing her mind. I would not read any more into it than that. She probably knew that she was risking her friendship with you when she changed your mind. I would not second guess the relationship she has with her boyfriend.
 

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