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Free Writing of How I Feel with Anxiety

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ohjulian

Active member
Joined
Nov 30, 2015
Messages
32
Hi everyone. I was free writing how I feel in my daily struggle with anxiety. Sometimes it helps me to write it down, and I thought why not post it on here. A lot of the time I feel better knowing that someone else feels like I do. So I hope someone feels better knowing that other people feel the same way. Here it is. Sorry its so long.

Imagine if you felt in your gut that something was wrong, that everything was wrong. Except that this happens 24 hours a day, every day. This is anxiety. Anxiety is not being able to read your biology textbook because you’re too afraid of dying and going to hell. Anxiety is the voice in your head that says “He’s lying” when your boyfriend says he loves you. Anxiety is wondering if people hate you, and being sure that everyone does. Anxiety is worrying about being pregnant every time you get a headache, even though you’re a virgin. Anxiety is worrying that you’re just making too big of a deal out of everything, even though it feels like your happiness is shattering around you like walls made of glass and can you just get a hold of yourself, you’re a burden to everyone around you. Anxiety is worrying that you’ve gotten to this successful place in your life by sheer chance, and soon everyone will discover that you aren’t qualified. Anxiety is loving horror movies, but not being able to watch them anymore because they make you too anxious and jumpy. Anxiety is not studying for a test because you are too busy worrying about failing. Anxiety is wondering why can’t I stop thinking about it and having people tell you “Just stop worrying!” Anxiety is feeling like you are too complicated for your boyfriend, and you should just break up with him so he can be with a nice, mentally healthy girl. Anxiety is when you ask yourself what you are worried about, and you can find no answer, but you keep worrying anyway. Anxiety is falling asleep in calculus because last night was the fourth night of hardly any sleep due to anxious thoughts and terrified speculations. Anxiety is feeling the cold rush on your fingers when your overzealous professor mentions hell, and knowing that a panic attack is coming. Anxiety is having panic attacks not just in your room, but in class and at the movies. Anxiety is being afraid of being in a public space in case you have nowhere to go during another panic attack. Anxiety is being afraid to go see your favorite show because they don’t let you leave and come back. Anxiety is resigning yourself to living with the hand that is constantly clamped around your throat, making your breath shallow and your head light. Anxiety is feeling like your insides are too big for your skin, and you’re going to explode and lose control at any moment. Anxiety is hot flashes and trembling hands. Anxiety is lying in bed while your mind screams “HELP ME!!!” with shaking hands and a pounding chest and you know nothing is wrong but everything is wrong and in your head you can’t stop screaming. Anxiety is debilitating. It changes who you are, and you become nostalgic for the days when you liked yourself and your daily life. Remember when I could watch scary movies? Remember when I could breathe freely? Remember when I could think calmly about the future? Anxiety is feeling broken inside and out.
 
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MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,096
Beautiful piece of writing but sorry it affects you so much.

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