• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Formally introducing...

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EternusCaries

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Feb 23, 2008
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Kentucky
:) Hello. My name is Nicole and I'm 19yrs old. I have been diagnosed with MDD and DID/MPD since I was 13. I'm here so I can find someone that can understand me and the things that I'm going through at the moment. Not to mention someone that is knowledgeable about DID/MPD because I have quite a few questions that I can't seem to get the answers to.

A quick history lesson for everyone so you won't be too surprised about some of the things I post. From the ages of 6-13 I suffered from physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. My brother, father, uncle, and random boys at school are to be thanked for this. I also suffer severe abandonment issues because my mother would often leave me in this horrible situations. She eventually left me completely alone at the age of 16 to move in with her new boyfriend two years after divorcing my father. I have attempted suicide once before but realize now that life is something worth fighting for.

Oh! Also I am a cutter. I don't do it often anymore because I know how bad it can get, but I when I do it always takes me a while to stop again.

I really look forward to meeting new people on here. I hope I get the chance to meet some amazing people :).
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Hey there...nice to have you on board!!! I'm sorry but I'm not up to speed on the conditions you mentioned, will now have to do some research!!!! ;) Glad to hear that you've come out from what sounds like a dark place...it's late over here in the UK, actually strike that, its early 06:00hrs. I've been keeping the night company, but there should be some other folks around in a little while...

:welcome:
 
J

justlikeawoman

Guest
Introduce Yourself

:) Hello. My name is Nicole and I'm 19yrs old. I have been diagnosed with MDD and DID/MPD since I was 13. I'm here so I can find someone that can understand me and the things that I'm going through at the moment. Not to mention someone that is knowledgeable about DID/MPD because I have quite a few questions that I can't seem to get the answers to.

A quick history lesson for everyone so you won't be too surprised about some of the things I post. From the ages of 6-13 I suffered from physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. My brother, father, uncle, and random boys at school are to be thanked for this. I also suffer severe abandonment issues because my mother would often leave me in this horrible situations. She eventually left me completely alone at the age of 16 to move in with her new boyfriend two years after divorcing my father. I have attempted suicide once before but realize now that life is something worth fighting for.

Oh! Also I am a cutter. I don't do it often anymore because I know how bad it can get, but I when I do it always takes me a while to stop again.

I really look forward to meeting new people on here. I hope I get the chance to meet some amazing people :).
hi nicole
i have just found your posting. i dont understand the conditions MDD and DID/MPD however what you have mentioned is very sad. it is horrible when it seems like the whole world is against you and you must wonder why you are born.
i am sure that somebody on here has been through similar things and can relate to your situation.
i just wanted to say :welcome: and hope to see you on here - sharing life etc.
seems one of the conditions of joining this site is a :grouphug: so here nicole
have a :grouphug:
:hug::flowers::hug:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi Nicole - welcome aboard. Like Rorschach I'll do a bit of research so I know what you're talking about. I'm sorry you've had a rough start to life but you've got a great attitude so I'm sure you'll get on great here. We meet in the cafe quite often and it gets very silly down there but it's a great place to relax and meet people and really get to know them. This is a great community and I hope you get out of it as much as I do. xx :welcome:
 
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EternusCaries

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Feb 23, 2008
Messages
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Location
Kentucky
I want to thank everyone that has replied so far, you are so nice and I feel touched that you would care enough to research my illness. I hope I get to know each of you better and I will check the cafe out Dollit I hope to see you around there.
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Hey there Eternus

:welcome:

Thanks for coming to the forum, I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Your story is very powerful, you have endured an incredible amount of abuse and must feel so betrayed, especially by your mother who should have protected you.

There are others here who have suffered similar abuse to you so be sure to keep coming back and getting to know us.

And it is very sad what is happening to your brother, such a conflict of emotions for you to deal with. My poor, sweet darling. :hug:

Please elaborate on your symptoms, sometimes definitions get lost in translation and it would be interesting to hear more about what you struggle with.

Love & Light :flowers:
 
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EternusCaries

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Messages
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Kentucky
Thank you Ashami. To help you guys understand better DID/MPD here are some of the symptoms:

· The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

· At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person's behavior.

· Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.


And here are some of the things that cause DID/MPD:

DID is caused by trauma during childhood. There is a dissociative spectrum running from everyday dissociation (example daydreaming) all the way to the other end, which is, DID/MPD. It can occur when a child is traumatized by physical, sexual, emotional, and/or mental abuse. It can also occur by not having their basic needs met; i.e. food, shelter, and/or love. It can also be caused by extensive and/or invasive medical procedures such as transplants, being born premature, on a ventilator, separation from mom and dad. Any combination of this can start the child moving down the dissociative spectrum. The longer the trauma or combinations of traumas exist the further down the spectrum the child can move. Children are different meaning that for one child one instance of trauma is enough to move them all the way to DID while for another child the same trauma only moves them a little way. For other children it takes multiple traumas to move them down the spectrum. But the movement down the spectrum no matter how slow or fast the first instance of trauma must take place before the child is 8-9 years old.

This comes from a FAQ that helped me understand it a lot better. If you want to check it out then here is the link. I hope this can help everyone understand it a little better.http://thecopingboards.proboards98.com/index.cgi?board=did&action=display&thread=1147050984
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Aah I see.

Dissociation is something I have learn't about only in recent years but I understand what it is. Do you like to read Eternus?
 
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EternusCaries

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I love to read :) I began to read at a very young age. By the time I was 7 I was reading 100 page books in 45 minutes. I was very proud of this when I was little :p.
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Well done you! I'm terrible it takes me years to finish a book.

However, I asked because I know a good book that I believe helps you deal with dissociation issues.

'Coming Home' by John Bradshaw.

The author explains each phase of a child's development, for example, the first phase being the first 9 months after birth.

He applies these development phases to disfunctional families and how, if you do not receive what you need as a child during each of the phases, you dissociate part of yourself in response. This of course leads to problems in adulthood which inevitably mean you end up in therapy.

I found it very interesting and revealing, and extremely helpful. It clarified my once chaotic thoughts about why I am so f**cked up and has helped me move toward resolution.

Very simply put, if we suffer trauma in childhood we become 'blocked', or 'stunted' emotionally. A part of us doesn't grow up. John Bradshaw helps us to grow up and most importantly, learn to love ourselves in a way we were not taught as children.

Have a read, it may help :D
 
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EternusCaries

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thanks for the book, I will be sure to check it out. I'm always interested in reading anything to do with the mind; regardless if it has to do with me personally. Psychology fascinates me :)
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Tell me about your voices. Have they got names? Are they nice personalities? Do they argue?
 
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EternusCaries

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There are three of them, all male.

One is very shy and doesn't speak very often but I can always feel him there. He's very empathetic and only really comes out to talk to me when I'm really depressed.

The next one appears to be a father figure, he's older and can be very snide and very sarcastic. But I can tell that he loves me and only wants best.

The last one is younger, and my actual age. He's very sure of himself, almost aggressively so, he won't hesitate to be mean to someone around me, but he's hardly mean to me. They all believe they have magical powers as well.

They believe this so much that one time while me and my sister were driving home she got pulled over by a cop. She was very stressed out by the situation because she didn't have the current tags yet. I became stressed as well and 'zoned' out. I heard the voices clearly in my head, the confident one was ranting about how it wasn't fair and how he was going to do something to make us not get a ticket. I stayed zoned out for 10 minutes, I was snapped back to myself whenever the cop knocked on my sister's window again. His printer had malfunctioned and he couldn't issue us a ticket. He took credit for this and said that he did magic.
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Wow that is fascinating! Is it very scary at times?

My 'voice', I call him Jaimie, is extremely kind and empathic. I call and he is there but rarely does he speak unless I ask first. Sounds very different to your experience.

Do you feel that you are 'top dog' with your voices or is it a power struggle?
 
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EternusCaries

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Kentucky
It can be scary, mostly it's frustrating. People will try to bring up a conversation they had with 'me' at an earlier date and I won't remember it all. Sometimes they do take over when I don't want them to, it makes the experience more frightening. If I fight them and try to push them away and block them out then I will suddenly just not be in control of my movements of what I say. It's best to just let them out whenever I feel they want to come.
 
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