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Forgive?

BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Sep 13, 2014
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Location
Edinburgh
Many of you on this forum might be aware that I've had some real problems with my old friends this year, my best friends who basically stabbed me in the back and said horrible things about my mental state, spread rumours and gossip about me being crazy and went out of there way to avoid me and keep away from me.

The behaviour of my friends has caused me incredible amounts of painful feelings this year, mainly horrible depression, guilt, anxiety and anger. I can't enough describe it with words.

I found out today (through one of my flatmates) that at least one of these old friends is trying to offer me some sort of olive branch by inviting me to go out with them and hang about with them more often. I have no idea if she's speaking for the whole group or if it's just her.

I told my flatmate to pass along the message that "I don't know, I might be really busy".

Can I ask you all, am I right to turn away this peace offering? What if I'm definitely the villain in this whole scenario? Am I being a heartless bitch by turning them away? Am I just holding a childish grudge? I'm not sure what to do. I'm afraid I'm going to mess things up even more some how.
 
Jonwal

Jonwal

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Do u want to go? If you had other friends would you go? I don't know what to suggest if u feel u can b happy with them I would go
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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As Jonwal asked, do you actually want to accept a peace offering and meet up? If it feels 'right' and you want to, then do it. This said, if they had caused me such a great deal of pain and suffering, I personally would stay well away. I would not class such people as friends. Friends care for and support each other regardless. As I see it, you have no reason to feel bad about refusing to see any of them.
 
rubyrose

rubyrose

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Where flowers bloom
I'm very sorry to hear about the pain these people caused you. Quite a few people who called themselves my friends did things like that to me too. They talked about me behind my back and carelessly blabbed to people about things I told them in confidence. They even laughed and joined in when other people would insult and humiliate me. I've been treated so badly by so many people that I often think it's what I deserve. I expect people to treat me badly now. Gosh, my eyes are welling up a bit. I really do understand BlueBerry, and I really wish I could take those painful memories away from you somehow. You are definitely not the villain and you didn't deserve any of that.

All that said, I also believe in the power of forgiveness. However, you can forgive within your heart, without ever having to interact with these people again. If you don't want to or don't feel ready to hang with them, then I would advise you not to do so at this time. You have a right to turn the offer down and you're not being heartless if you do. Your heart is hurting as a result of broken trust. I hope you find my words helpful in some way. I wish you peace, love, and healing. :hug1:
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Location
Edinburgh
I don't think I can trust them anymore and I don't think I can forgive them for what they've done. Even if I tried to forgive them, nothing would be the same. I would be sitting next to them wondering what horrible things they might be thinking about me or saying about me when my back's turned.

They're maybe feeling a bit guilty now and are trying to patch things up, but I think it's too late. I know exactly how they really feel about me and they've proven themselves unworthy as my friends.

I'm just worried that I might be thinking about this all wrong. I clearly have a lot of difficulty with friends and relationships and I'm very emotionally sensitive. It's possible I see criticism and disaproval where there is none. I'm just wondering if I'm really making the right choice by turning down their offer.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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I don't think I can trust them anymore and I don't think I can forgive them for what they've done. Even if I tried to forgive them, nothing would be the same. I would be sitting next to them wondering what horrible things they might be thinking about me or saying about me when my back's turned.
I think that says it all really. Things can't go back to how they were as the trust and friendships that you valued at one time were destroyed.

Maybe you were being over-sensitive at times, maybe you weren't, the issue really is how it made you feel which, by the sound of it, is pretty awful.

I think that we all need people in our lives but we need people who value and understand us for who we are not people who treat us as inferior or betray our trust.

You will make the right decision by deciding what is right for you. Don't base your choice on what you think you should do for them. If you are really doubting what happened, is there a mutual friend (or your flatmate)? who you could talk things through with to gauge their perspective on the matter? It might help.

This is only my opinion, of course. I don't know all the facts and can only speak as I see and understand. You just need to think things through properly and trust your own judgement. It's obviously a tough call for you but I'm sure you'll find the right answer.
 
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