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Force Myself to Socialize

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sallimae76

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I have to force myself to be social when all I want to do is eat, sleep and lay in bed. Watch some TV passively too. I made a new friend and all I feel is anxiety when she calls. I don't like going out for drinks with co-workers because my life is so boring, I have never been in a relationship at 44 and I don't want to reveal my asexuality to them. Can anyone else relate? Lonely, but unable to take advantage of opportunities to socialize.
 
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Zoe1

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you don't have to tell them anything about your sexuality sallimae
people really don't
Ive socialised quite a lot now and people make small talk a lot of the time
or talk about their hobbies

its not all sex drugs and rock and roll in real life all the time
 
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sallimae76

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you don't have to tell them anything about your sexuality sallimae
people really don't
Ive socialised quite a lot now and people make small talk a lot of the time
or talk about their hobbies

its not all sex drugs and rock and roll in real life all the time
But at work, preparing for drinks, they were talking about their exes. I don't have any exes. I felt awkward, as always.
 
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Flim Flim

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I have to force myself to be social when all I want to do is eat, sleep and lay in bed. Watch some TV passively too. I made a new friend and all I feel is anxiety when she calls. I don't like going out for drinks with co-workers because my life is so boring, I have never been in a relationship at 44 and I don't want to reveal my asexuality to them. Can anyone else relate? Lonely, but unable to take advantage of opportunities to socialize.
I think some of us choose to have a boring life because its a preference. Or, the fact i live in my bed and do not go out, means i have made the best of my bed and have convinced myself that i'm happy as practically possible.
I never wanted to go to the pub, bar, meet girls or go dancing.
That was a preference, okay maybe i was insecure or scared. But i never really had the confidence anyway so i missed out.
I am comfortable at work though and can chat to anyone.
So finding your comfort zone is important. I don't think there needs to be any pressure or unfamiliarity.
 
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Zoe1

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But at work, preparing for drinks, they were talking about their exes. I don't have any exes. I felt awkward, as always.

they absolutely never talk about anything else ?
if thats the case they are a bit boring I think

or maybe you can make one up
but hey you did go on a couple of dates
you could make something up based on those
if you wanted to join in that is
 
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sallimae76

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I think some of us choose to have a boring life because its a preference. Or, the fact i live in my bed and do not go out, means i have made the best of my bed and have convinced myself that i'm happy as practically possible.
I never wanted to go to the pub, bar, meet girls or go dancing.
That was a preference, okay maybe i was insecure or scared. But i never really had the confidence anyway so i missed out.
I am comfortable at work though and can chat to anyone.
So finding your comfort zone is important. I don't think there needs to be any pressure or unfamiliarity.
I just want to know/ learn how to not be dysfunctional. I am socially uncomfortable, but can I get through it and feel better with practice?

My dream is to find a lazy sexless guy who has a job that just wants to watch TV with me and go out to dinner with.
 
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sallimae76

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they absolutely never talk about anything else ?
if thats the case they are a bit boring I think

or maybe you can make one up
but hey you did go on a couple of dates
you could make something up based on those
if you wanted to join in that is
I HAVE done that before in the past, I have exaggerated a date as a boyfriend. I have become a little socially awkward. I just don't know what to do with myself.
 
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Zoe1

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they used to say ' don't mix business with pleasure '
and now its all ' office bonding '
I think the old way had a point

sharing intimate details of your life with colleagues can be dangerous

the old way was that you made your own choice of friends
outside of work
 
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sallimae76

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they used to say ' don't mix business with pleasure '
and now its all ' office bonding '
I think the old way had a point

sharing intimate details of your life with colleagues can be dangerous

the old way was that you made your own choice of friends
outside of work
Very true Zoe. I have a lot to hide, my depression, my asexuality, my debt, my disability, so it is best that I maintain my professional distance.
 
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Zoe1

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k and what about other topics like the news and stuff
 
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sallimae76

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Yes, we have an important election coming up. So I can talk about that.
 
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Zoe1

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yes and work I would also talk about at work

if you wait for a lull in the conversation
and then move it on to your choice of topic !
 
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Flim Flim

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I just want to know/ learn how to not be dysfunctional. I am socially uncomfortable, but can I get through it and feel better with practice?
Absolutely!!! If you find a place, be it work, excercise class, book club, absolutely anywhere with potential to meet people. Then you have opened up really good opportunities.
Or even dating sites if you wish. I dont hear great stories about them to be honest but its a option.
Thats an important step. Step one. Get out there.
My dream is to find a lazy sexless guy who has a job that just wants to watch TV with me and go out to dinner with.
You are a perfect match for the average man.
 
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Laudanum

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Just out of interest, why do you want to meet a guy if you are asexual?
 

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