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For Diagnosed agoraphobics, your comments and opinions please.

DanL15000

DanL15000

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 5, 2018
Messages
449
Location
United States
I was first diagnosed with agoraphobia with panic attacks, depression, and schizotypal personality disorder, in 2014. I am high functioning as I can maintain my own home and do the required public interactions required such as keep Dr. appointments and buy medicine and groceries.

I've spent years accustoming myself to isolation, telling myself it is what I want. Lying to myself. And thus I have panic attacks when at home limited to rare occurrences. My "as needed" Lorazapam gets little use except for days I must venture out.

I haven't had an episode where I go blank and wake up on foot or driving somewhere to escape (The Schizotypal p.d.) since 2011.

These breakthroughs of far less suffering and being able to step outside came from years of therapy, medication, and not pushing the issue so far as to backslide.

I'm physically disabled, due to injuries. In an awkward way that disability allowed me to work on my mental issues in comfort. Before the injuries, I had a running record of about one new job a year for 30 years. Each was brought to an end from panic attacks that worked all the way up to full blown temporary dementia.

Now that I have described my personal situation. Let's get to the meat of my conversation.

"You are so lucky you don't like going out, Dan!". "Well, if you HAVE to have a mental illness, at least you to a good one!"

I've heard enough shit from relatives and health professionals. I DO like going out! It is just really hard for me to get over my fear! I don't like not having friends or having so much time to kill and I especially don't like the psychological and physical damage that comes from isolation! But I can't just join the "real world", because the "fear of the marketplace", is no freaking joke!

Now, with the COVID-19 virus running rampant here in the U.S. (And elsewhere, please stay safe everyone) I'm reading comments on social media about the horrors of being house bound...for all of three/four weeks so far.

And my heart is just cold to their so called suffering. If everyone would just stay away from everyone else (except medical people and a few others like at grocery stores, but we can get safety gear to all of them if we really want) I've read the experts say, "Two weeks", and we beat this thing. I say, so give it a month to be sure!

But no, we have states that have yet to do their part, and the virus is going to spread to them for sure.

The normals are fighting against the common sense isolation procedures because they just can't handle it.

Because of my own illnesses I'm been practicing social distancing for YEARS. I have not one bit of empathy for people who haven't the guts to do the same all at once just for a short time. In fact, I'm getting more and more angry at the weakness of the average American. Especially since I supposedly had it so "easy" all these years.

Thoughts, comments, am I just a cruel person for enjoying the crying of the masses? Or is this payback earned?
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
380
Location
canada
First I wanted to say you are really strong agoraphobia and mental illness In general is not an "easy" thing to live with and the people who said that to you are ignorant and lack basic empathy.

Second I think that its not cruelty in your perspective of others it's more of a familiarity. You are familiar with social distancing practices because it's an element of you mental illness that is a part of your normal life. It's easy/easier than fighting against your mental illness and being uncomfortable (in pain/feeling like dying) doing "normal" social things.

Third It's not easy for everyone to social distance, being confined to my home for me actually helps to feed my mental decline. It is hard for me not to fall back into old patterns of not leaving my home, I do not enjoy my agoraphobia it's very painful for me to be unable to leave because I'd love to "just" go to the grocery store, not leaving makes me feel weak and I can spiral much quicker to suicide than any other time. But I think you know that it's hard for some people.

Nobody deserves to suffer and I think that your putting some of your hurt feelings over not being understood by the assholes who dissmissed your suffering and youre projecting on to these "others".

You aren't cruel or lucky your just a person with complicated feelings.
 
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