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Food for thought

A

Andrew31

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
16
Location
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Only time will tell. A caravan of masked pain and anguish. There is only so much isolation and the willful lack of contact one could take before you lose your whole reality to some sadist's dream. Some virgin pining for lost love or no reciprocation. It's not fun to bitch and complain anymore. Theres a point where it only goes lower and lower. Its not fun daydreaming about the things in life you dont have. Itsnot fun to fantasize about even the crudest and basic form of sexual imagery (repression?) Society spits us out if we dont follow the norm or the average. The mediocrity of all souls heading towards death. In terror we flee towards Pleasure and Pain. And the hot wings of Eros beat against the tortured dawn. I've nothing to express other than the sheer depth of twisted emotions that runs deep like the dam that broke years ago. I'm sorry for all the lost souls, the ones that were cast away, forgotten, unforgiven. This pain is only a radio. You can defy your own strength with self-sabotage. You should never reach the depth of my nervous breakdown. You should never read the signs left on all the faces. Faves I cant remember anymore. Theres only vague scenes and pictures left. Is it fair to wander these dusty halls alone? Is it a wonder we are capable of such violence? Sex does not mean a thing anymore, just animalistic convulsions. Even the fact of depression doesnt seem to make me feel a thing. Not at all. A void of being. A black hole. All these things, illusions, semblances,the taste of love...they dont mean a goddamn thing anymore. I find I only have my spirit to console my inconsolable mind. Death greets me with a smile. A better life awaits elsewhere. Anywhere but in the stagnation of the present.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,758
Location
England
You need to get moving, if you are stagnating.

A nervous breakdown, i think people maybe don't know it is happening until it is too late. Did that happen to you?

I don't understand self-sabotage, i don't even know if i have ever done it or not. Maybe we sabotage something we don't have the confidence to break ourselves?

You sound in a bad place.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,758
Location
England
I hope they are just thoughts, but here are some numbers if you do need any help, other than the forum.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
A

Andrew31

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
16
Location
Albuquerque, New Mexico
You need to get moving, if you are stagnating.

A nervous breakdown, i think people maybe don't know it is happening until it is too late. Did that happen to you?

I don't understand self-sabotage, i don't even know if i have ever done it or not. Maybe we sabotage something we don't have the confidence to break ourselves?

You sound in a bad place.
Hello

I wanted to mention my appreciation for the numbers and information you left as I'm sure they will be helpful in any given situation involving depression. I could not tell you exactly if I went thru a nervous breakdown in reality or not. All I can say is that I wrote this in a state of extreme agitation for various reasons and it came out this way so that it's more prose-like and not straight-up I guess complaining (not to demean the other people who have no avenues of expression other than this).

Self-sabotage, in my view, has a lot to do with being comfortable in (as weird as it sounds) feeling down. Its hard to explain in a logical sense but the Nirvana lyric "I miss the comfort in being sad" is one artistic example of what I mean. Its unconscious and hard to control if one does not learn to handle it properly. And I would say your suggestion to this is quite right too in this context. Safe to say, it's an area I need to improve on.

My moods have a BPD quality, short but intense. I also certainly didnt mean to worry anyone about the state of my mental health. I just wanted to express the anguish I felt at the time , to get it out of my system. With that being said, I appreciate the reply and hope it wont always be a heavy subject when it comes to me. It's good to have a laugh every now and then. Anyways, I just wanted to explain myself, even though it's not necessary and I hope theres some buoyancy that helps you keep afloat with your own struggles.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
2,187
Location
Glasgow
Only time will tell. A caravan of masked pain and anguish. There is only so much isolation and the willful lack of contact one could take before you lose your whole reality to some sadist's dream. Some virgin pining for lost love or no reciprocation. It's not fun to bitch and complain anymore. Theres a point where it only goes lower and lower. Its not fun daydreaming about the things in life you dont have. Itsnot fun to fantasize about even the crudest and basic form of sexual imagery (repression?) Society spits us out if we dont follow the norm or the average. The mediocrity of all souls heading towards death. In terror we flee towards Pleasure and Pain. And the hot wings of Eros beat against the tortured dawn. I've nothing to express other than the sheer depth of twisted emotions that runs deep like the dam that broke years ago. I'm sorry for all the lost souls, the ones that were cast away, forgotten, unforgiven. This pain is only a radio. You can defy your own strength with self-sabotage. You should never reach the depth of my nervous breakdown. You should never read the signs left on all the faces. Faves I cant remember anymore. Theres only vague scenes and pictures left. Is it fair to wander these dusty halls alone? Is it a wonder we are capable of such violence? Sex does not mean a thing anymore, just animalistic convulsions. Even the fact of depression doesnt seem to make me feel a thing. Not at all. A void of being. A black hole. All these things, illusions, semblances,the taste of love...they dont mean a goddamn thing anymore. I find I only have my spirit to console my inconsolable mind. Death greets me with a smile. A better life awaits elsewhere. Anywhere but in the stagnation of the present.
Im here if you want to talk. All those emotions you wrote are just that, emotions can be tammed xxx
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,758
Location
England
I think the forum is a great place to come on and vent, when you need to let it all out. I do that often. I think we all appreciate that a post is a moment in time too.

Keep writing and we will all try to support you through this.

Tawny
 
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