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Flashbacks, today so intense, I think I may have connected with the me of long long ago

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shirley u gessed

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Came here to kind of connect and vent. Going a little stir crazy with covid19 stuff, anxiety very high. So far have read a lot here, responded here and there. Not really thinking about my "issues" (which is great). Ok, thinking and writing about the "need a better job". Anyway I have this very specific memory, I think we all have some. For some reason I have this recurring memory. We had been to the zoo, I was maybe 4? We weren't a family that went a lot of places, never to kids places, my mom would take me to movies she wanted to see. Anyway, the zoo, we got home, I had this little stuffed bear, but not a teddy bear, like a bear on all fours, like a real bear. Dark brown, on strings with a little rod, like a marionette. We got home, like I said, I don't remember the zoo part, I remember the bear and knowing I got him at the zoo. There memory is always me with this bear standing on the sidewalk, down from the house and a short distance around a corner. This corner that was not developed, a little chunk of woods in this subdivision. Standing looking and trying to play with the bear, super focused on the bear. This just comes to me at times, but today, for some reason, I was THERE, I was the little girl, standing on the sidewalk across the street and just around the corner. I could still see my house, the Lutheran church was behind, me the bear, the bear, concentrating on the bear, and suddenly today, reliving that moment so vividly, being there, being that little girl, I now know what I was doing. The awful thing had happened again. I was not to complain, I was never to show emotion, I knew that at that age, I was trying so hard to be happy because I had the bear, they got me the bear, it's wrong to not be happy when someone gets you something like that, and DAMN my heart broke today for that little girl, like never before when remember the hard things that happened. Oh my god.
 
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SunnyDaze

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Jun 11, 2017
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Flashbacks are rough and take you right back as if it's happening in the present. Sorry you had one.

Hugs
 
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shirley u gessed

Active member
Joined
Apr 16, 2020
Messages
41
Location
the south
Thanks, but it was a good thing. Hard to explain, never had one that real, and I was being strong, tough, and it's a touch stone to the best parts of me and I know so much now, makes sense of so much being "her" like it was. Again, thanks, great little place here
 
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SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,117
Location
The couch
Oh,I'm sorry,I misunderstood your post. Since this is the PTSD forum and I have PTSD myself I assumed you meant a flashback in that way. Those types are never good.

I'm glad yours was a good one.

Hugs
 

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