Flash backs

Silenthunderstorm

Silenthunderstorm

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
3
Location
My mind
#1
The first thing I can remember as a kid is telling my mom I was thirsty and instead of getting me water out the the sink which was steps away from the couch, she handed me her last bit of beer from the can as she stared blankly at the wall. she was an alcoholic. She dated alcoholics too. My mom gave birth to my older brother when she was just 16. Not nearly old enough to take care of him in her own... But she had my dad. I don't remember much about him except for his angry tone of voice. My mom was 19 when I was born. She was living with my dad in a tiny apartment at the time. My world came crashing down when I was 4. I was an open kid. Loud, opositional, talkitive, and annoying. I drove my dad nuts sometimes. My brother and I used to argue in the basement over who got the remote when we were watching Saturday cartoons and that particular morning we were being extra agressive. My parents room was just to the right of the TV and from the couch I could see the corner of the mattress. My dad was upset that day. Probably because my brother and I were screaming and pulling hair again. Long story short...that was the day I lost my father to suicide. My brother and I watched it happen and even though I can't remember it well with my eyes, My body remembers the extreme and sudden stress it put me through.
There are so many other instances similar to the one I just stated and Lately I've been having flashbacks from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. It's driving me insane!
 
I

Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
#2
Not many know being close to someone with suicide. I got the same response. Nothing. I don’t know how it’s affected you. I don’t know what to say to you. Suicide is traumatic af.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,753
Location
USA
#3
Hi there Silenthunderstorm. I'm very sorry for what you experienced/witnessed.

I hope you are seeing someone to help you deal with it. Hugs
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,789
Location
England
#4
Hi,
I'm so sorry for your loss, my grandad committed suicide so I understand.
Here to listen anytime.
Take care
 
Silenthunderstorm

Silenthunderstorm

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
3
Location
My mind
#5
Not many know being close to someone with suicide. I got the same response. Nothing. I don’t know how it’s affected you. I don’t know what to say to you. Suicide is traumatic af.
The reason I posted this in this specific sub forum was because my father was an abusive man. And after his death my mom seemed to take after him. She never hit me or my brother and I’m grateful to be spared from that, But she did talk to us in abusive language and called us nasty names while neglecting us severely. Being surrounded by traumatic events like this all my life has led me to believe it will never stop. And the flash backs of my father and my mothers fits won’t end. I can’t help but wish I had a different life or no life at all for that matter.
You do not need to say anthing. Just being heard and not being criticized or judged for being open about it is a wonderful experience. Thank you for your words.