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First time realizing something might be wrong, need help.

T

ThomasCro

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Feb 3, 2015
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I have just realized that when I smoke marijuana I become aware of the anxiousness I deal on a daily basis and how it's hurting me.

I also realize how primitive my sense of humor is while I don't have THC in my system, and how all my friends actually realize that, and then they modify their behavior to adopt me into their company.

I have spent the past hour reading about it and I think it has something to do with metacognition, or lack there of when I don't smoke.

The main difference that I figured out is my complete lack of sense for satire when not high.

One of the main problems I have is the feeling of being extremely smart for simply coming to understand the terms that intelligent people know as a given.

I genuinely have no interest in "becoming a better person" on a daily basis, because nothing drives me to think in an effective manner, and that realization scares me.

I am having a sort of a panic attack about this realization, and I want someone to categorize what is exactly happening here so that I can search for further help.

If you need any more information, please reply and I will provide it, my concentration is poor right now.

Thanks, Thomas.

EDIT: This all happened yesterday, and now, a day in, I notice that there is a lot of residual things still sticking with me even though I did not take marijuana today.

I actually think a lot better, but I still don't know what is my next course of action.
 
Last edited:
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hi Thomas and welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear of your worries. I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you but I just wondered how long you've been smoking marijuana for and how often?

If you're a regular or heavy smoker it can take quite a long time to get out of your system. I think it's about a month, sometimes even longer. If an occasional user I think it's just a few days.

Are you thinking of giving up?
 
T

ThomasCro

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I smoked with a couple of friends about every 2 weeks I would say. So a low amount.

But this is the first time that I smoked all by myself, so I could focus on thinking, and not on partying or enjoying myself.

The problem is that I think I didn't finish adolescence, like my brain is just now trying to learn how to think for itself, trying to get a hold of things, before that I was just coasting along with the help of my parents.


Is there a term for this? Is it late adolescence? How can I get someone to talk to me about this?
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I don't know if there's a term for it. Late adolescence usually refers to the period just before early adulthood, I think.

Has anything changed in your life that would've caused you to have to take things more seriously or anything that's made you feel immature in any way?

Have you talked to any of your friends or family about how you're feeling?
 
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ThomasCro

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I had my first ever real relationship with an adult, and she was alluding to me that I had these problems. (she is 25 and has been living on her own for quite some time now).

Could you please read this, I just posted this and it can be related to my problem:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askpsychology/comments/2v1zia/cant_remember_a_part_of_my_life/

I feel immature compared to my friends, my group of friends that are all acting more maturely than me (in the sense that they live on their own), and the reason why my relationship broke down was because there was this difference between me and her, that we didn't understand each other


And all this unlocked in my just now, I didn't actually understand what she was alluding to.


I think that the fact that I had pretty lousy teachers at school and parents at teaching combined with the fact that I was uninterested in thinking resulted in all this happening, me pretty scared by the fact that I strolled through my early 20's without ever really using my brain.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hey,

I've just read your posts in the link provided and I can't help but think that you're being a bit hard on yourself. I don't think it's overly unusual to get to a point and wonder what the hell you've been doing etc.

It sounds as though your life has so far been rather protected, for want of a better word. You've not had to worry about much outside of your studies and you've been well looked after. In other words, you've not had to fend for yourself at all. It's easier to just go along with the flow than to challenge this and, before you know it, years have passed you by.

A fear of the future is common but, if you don't feel prepared, it can seem particularly daunting. I think the main thing here is not to worry about the whys and wherefores but to consider what you are going to do next to perhaps become a little more independent or, at the very least, to stop feeling bad or angry about what's already passed. You may feel as though those years were wasted but it sounds as though your studies have gone well, so you've gained something good and you must have been using your brain :)

I don't know if any of this will help and obviously I can only give my opinion on what you've shared but I hope you start to feel better about things soon. Hopefully others will come by and offer their thoughts and views.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Different people have different rates of maturation. It really varies a lot, for example personally I just recently discovered how to take a joy in the presence of young children. There is just something about babies which makes me feel cheerful these days, they are so cute! And with that came a desire, a notion that maybe it might be nice to have children, something which I never felt in my 20's or 30's. So you could say I'm late in maturing there, and I may have to resign myself to it not happening.

But I have an uncle as well who was very late in maturing in some ways. It's just the way we are, as human beings. If you're younger than 25 (implied by your post) then you are still quite young to start discovering things about yourself, and you have nothing really to worry about. The most important thing is not to be too hard on yourself, and to be a little more accepting of your own nature.
 
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ThomasCro

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Thank you both very much.

I am starting to recognize that I can't live life wondering what might be.

I will try and focus on improving my life skills.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I think that's certainly a better attitude to take than viewing yourself as immature and throwing your hands up in despair about ever fixing it :) But it's a little way short of the truth. Life skills allow you to compensate for what's in your character, to be more entertaining in groups of friends for example is a skill, but it's not truly playing to your strengths as a person. That comes with self knowledge.

For instance you might be more at home making friends on a wine tasting course than on a pub crawl. That's the kind of choice that you learn over your twenties and thirties, as you get to know yourself a little better, and you make choices to make life easier for yourself and help yourself along. So I would say don't stop the introspection, you've gone looking once for an answer about yourself, and had some success. Don't stop, learning the good and the bad about yourself and getting a balanced view of your own capabilities is a really good habit.
 
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