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First Step

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Emma97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
20
Location
France
Hi, I'm new here so I don't really know how things works. Sorry already for the mistakes, I'm French.
So I'm 20, dealing with depression, anxiety, phobias and self harm. I'm here because I fell terribly alone. I'm not, I have family and "friends" but the feeling never goes away. I self harm very often those days. I absolutely hate myself, and I hate myself even more for doing it. I'm currently waiting for the results of my exams and that's stressing me out a lot... I don't want to deceive my parents ...
Anyway thanks I guess
 
fazza

fazza

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
1,880
Location
U.K
Bonjour. I wish I could say more in French but I speak very little.
I just want to say hello and welcome. You are never alone when you are here. There will always be someone to talk to here. Sometimes it may take some time for a reply but please do not feel alone.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,044
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Hi! Congratulations on making it through the semester! Those last few weeks makes most stress the hell out! I am in the US so it may be different but here all colleges & uni have free counseling and services. I would aim to get hooked up with them. Perhaps an antidepressant may help. maybe a lot. You could also get that from your gp now. You can simply tell your parents that you have been feeling very depressed and want to try an antidepressant.
 
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Emma97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
20
Location
France
What does gp means ? Yeah we also have free counselling but I don't know... I think I do need to see a therapist I dont know. I can't tell my parents, they've been a bit depressed too idk how they would handle this
 
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sal_stewart

Member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Glendale, AZ
Hi and welcome! May you find the help you need! I know it's easier said than done try not to hate yourself! I have a similar difficulty due to feelings of being an inadequate human in the social sense.
 
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Emma97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
20
Location
France
Definitely easier said than done, I'm really struggling... can't even look at me in a mirror
 
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sal_stewart

Member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Glendale, AZ
Have you tried socratic question. firstly attempt to surmise what you see if you can and then try to find reason they're untrue.

Example I'm ugly but do you get told on a daily basis that you are? Then maybe your truly not. This helps at times for me, and it's an excerxise that my therapist had me try.

No one tells me I'm worthless and unable to function in society. This is hard when I have difficulty paying at a gas station, and have shakes but i do it succesfully and am just like everyone else. Even though im experiencing immense paranoia. In the end the person telling me that is myslef this took me forever to realize, now I'm figuring out how to stop hurting myself mentally.

Small step my friend also easier said than done but keep pushing forward progress is progress not matter how small. I hope that made sense! But getting advice and help is always a good first step!
 
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Emma97

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
20
Location
France
Ok now you made me cry ! Thank you very much I appreciate what you said, and I understand what you were trying to say.
I don't hear that I'm ugly on a daily basis, I don't hear that I'm worthless, but I've been thinking the other way for 6-7 years now and it's nearly impossible for me to be positive and accept myself.
I'm trying very hard; sometimes, for a minute I'm telling myself, "meh you're okay", than right after "bullshit you're hideous, you can't have a boyfriend, they don't deserve to see something that ugly".
I'm just a mess rn ...
 
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aquapowered

Member
Joined
May 18, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Pangea
I just joined her too. I had a French social worker help me, at my last year of undergrad. She was pretty cool.
 
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