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Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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#1
Hi, I've been trying not to self harm again and thought I'd come here to read some of the other threads for support and advice.
My world recently fell apart and I just feel so empty.
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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#3
Couldn't stop myself today from SH, it's that moment of really feeling something when feeling so numb most of the time.
Feel worst for feeling better this way.
 
Z

ziedite

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#4
Hey Hermit.. Totally get it.. do you feel like writing/talking about it instead of self harming? We're here to listen...
 
Urban Hermit

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#6
Hi Calypso,

thanks for asking, up some days and down others. Slipped up a bit had a bad day and SH again, after a few months of being SH free.

Seeing a doctor ever 4 weeks to monitor meds etc.

Trying to get my mind around the current situation and not trying to dwell too much and the past and how much I've screwed up. But it's not easy some days and harder at night to rest and sleep when my mind is whirling.

So being on here really helps even if I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, sometimes just a friendly word or knowing that others are out there with the same thoughts and problems can help.

Thanks

Take care X
 
Foxjo

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#7
Your not alone x
When your mind is whirling write it down in a notebook/journal. I found that really helpful even if it was the same thought over and over again, it helped me to get the thought out of my head. It also helped me to challenge the thought and helped me understand where it had come from.

Stopping sh is really hard, i too am a recovering self harmer and i know how hard it is. Remember that it is just a relapse and that happens to most of us.
Keep talking
Hugs
Fox
 
calypso

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#8
SH is addictive and works - in the short term, that's the problem with it. As Foxjo says, its a relapse so don't get hung up on it yet. I am sorry you are struggling so much, lack of sleep is the constant in most MH conditions. Can you doc offer anything that can help with the sleep? It really is one of the cornerstones of feeling better.
 
Urban Hermit

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#9
Hi, I'm hoping so see the GP again in two weeks just on Sertarline at the moment 50mg a day, Ive noticed that on the days when I sleep for 6+ hours I better more able to face the day. When I'm only getting 3-4 hours my mood drops and I find it hard to leave my room and do simple things like washing my hair or cooking. So I'll talk to the doctor about it and see what is said, I think it's also to do with pacing myself and only doing one job/task a day beyond the basics any more and I'm overwhelmed.
Thanks for all of your thoughts and support.
Xx
 
calypso

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#10
its also about congratulating yourself on every little thing you do get done. Its like walking uphill in sand on some days and you wonder if you will ever reach the top. But getting out of bed and cooking a simple meal is something to be praised when you are feeling SO bad. I tended to live on chocolate when I was really bad.
 
Urban Hermit

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#11
Thanks, it's mostly chocolate covered pretzels for me, the dark chocolate ones.
It's odd from having an active lifestyle when I wouldn't have thought twice about cooking, cleaning the whole house, going shopping, spending a couple of hours working on a project etc. To this where just one of those is enough for a whole day.
X
 
calypso

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#12
I used to be a senior sister in charge of three units and I look back and can't believe I ever managed any of that! Now I live very quietly in comparison. I couldn't begin to cope now.

YOu will get there eventually. Its about getting the right meds for the immediate future and perhaps therapy for the long term future? Just a thought.
 
Urban Hermit

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#13
Thanks, I hope so. I do have my first one to one face to face session booked for two weeks, so will see how that goes but I know the thought of it at the moment is adding to my anxiety. I'm worried that being face to face will be a lot harder than calling the Samaritans.
X
 
calypso

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#14
The first few minutes are hard but if they are any good they will put you at your ease straight away and help you over that initial hurdle. Its better than being on pills all the time which are not a permanent cure for the worst of depression. I am on meds permanently and hate it but as I'm diagnosed bipolar, I think its necessary for me. But you might be able to fight free from this cycle and I really hope you can.
 
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#15
Hi Hermit...we're so proud of you to have a face to face appointment... that is super brave and courageous of you and you are so commended for that! Yeah for you! My recommendation is to make written list of all the stuff that bothers you, that upsets you, and they you need/want help for. Otherwise you might forget some important stuff. And if you can, although it may be hard...try to prioritise what is most important to you. For example, if getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep is the most important thing...then say that. If finding an immediate coping mechanism to the self harming impulse is the most important, than say that.

My experience with therapists/psychologists is that if you flood them with lots of information they may not be able to see what is the most critical to you at that point in time. They are only human as well. So if you figure it out for you in advance, then your chances of getting usefulness out of your first session improves.

Let us know what else you might need.
 
Urban Hermit

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#16
Thank you for the kind words and support. I'm dreading it, having to bring up old stuff and revisit it, but I know that I can't hide from my past mistakes and problems. My anxiety has gotten worst since the phone call to set a date, which has only worsened my SH.

Plus I have this crazy thought that if I haven't SH in a few weeks before the appointment they'll think that I'm a fraud. I know that probably doesn't make any sense, but I can't stop the whirl pool in my head.

X
 
Z

ziedite

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#17
No way you're a fraud... you don't have to prove that you've self harmed 20 minutes before the appointment to get them to take your seriously.. And if they are like that... walk out of the room immediately... Because that means that THEY are shit... not you. So you should get another therapist.

What would help between now and the appointment?
 
Urban Hermit

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#18
I'm not sure, I'm trying to keep busy painting, reading and writing.

I have to say being on this forum helps, I feel like I can try to show others compassion and empathy that I don't think I got IRL. X

It's only two weeks away so I'm sure I'll get there X thanks for your time X
 
whiteflags330

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#19
Hey, don't worry about it. I know it's hard, I've been going through the same thing. Glad I'm not alone in this world.
 

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