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First Post, I guess i should explain my problems.

S

SJD

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
3
I feel so lost, I cant find myself anywhere, And ive looked in every stereotypical ways in which people find themselves, Ive tried the relationship, Ive tried the bottom of a whisky bottle, Ive tried throwing myself into my college work, and now i seem to have ignored it for so long that Ive made an idealistic view of myself. I have a front which has almost become my recognised personality.Im known to be outgoing, loud, caring, compassionate, everything you'd want to be. But its exactly what im not. i feel so empty inside, like a stones in my stomach, and my thoughts are blocked by something. I dont want to speak, or smile, or socialise.

I dont understand why Ive been taught that the things I need to life to feel as If ive achieved something is a husband, kids, a 3 bedroom semi detached house, a flat screen tv & a dishwasher. I hate it when people say "life is what you make it" because I did not choose to have a life. I dont see why having a good life is linked with things such as success, love & money. the only reason people believe this is because from a young age weve been conditioned to do so. This makes me angry because as much as the world has developed that we require some of these things to survive in life, I dont think we should pressure everybody in society to feel that having a good life is having all or some of these qualities. Its known that if you were to drive a bmw and your blonde wife was to get out the passenger seat, people would be jealous of that. I dont know why people are made to think this, because not only does it help people feel worse about themselves, but only presents such thoughts as envy, and other horrible traits in people that we would not possess if we werent first given that oppertunity from birth.
I want to say now that Im not a hippy or anything, I myself take pleasure in buying nice clothes & having a lot of social ties. but its been within the last 6 months that i have realised that everything ive ever desired in life is completely irrelevent to surviving. surely just getting through life is an achievement in itself??

I dont know if this all sounds wacky. discuss?
 
Aahbut

Aahbut

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
277
Location
Midlands
Welcome

Hi SJD and welcome to the forums.

All of this sounds very familiar, so you should feel right at home here. We all put on the public face to keep others happy when we are crying inside.

The modern world tells us we need to work harder for longer, so we can buy all of the things we don't actually want or need. I think the opposite is true, it is all the things we stack around us to make us feel happy and safe that actually make us more confused. My grandma and grandpa had none of the things we do today, yet they really enjoyed their lives and live to a ripe old age.

Oh and it's not in the least bit wacky, just wait for the other replies and you will see that you are far from alone in this belief. (y)
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
What was it the Buddha said? - All desire is suffering....
 
Libra1

Libra1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
515
Location
West Midlands
Hi SJD and :welcome: to MHF we are here 24/7 :)

This is a friendly forum here, hope you find the help and support you are looking for. Take care :hug:
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,364
Location
East Lancs
For some of us it has taken many years and buckets of tears to come to the same conclusion, so i watch the rat race, join in a few things as and when I want to,
They don't teach you how or why to do that at school.

Best Wishes on your journey please tell us how you get along as it may help others as well


Michael
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Joined
May 27, 2008
Messages
1,719
Location
Yorkshire
Hi SJD and welcome to the forums. :welcome:

Yep - this is all very familiar and I have sought for many years for a way out to something more meaningful. My latest bout of depression has come as I had a growing feeling that there was no way out for me - I had failed and there was nothing left for me in life other than this shallow process of consumption. The only way out appeared to be suicide. In terms of meaning I'm not talking about religion, although I have looked at Budhism, but just a desire for deeper meaning in what I do.

Of course it's a bit of a chiken and egg thing - has the depression caused me to consider my life to be meaningless or the other way around, has also the depression prevented me from seeing a way out and actually prevented me from creating meaning for myself.

Hmmm. No easy answers.
 
S

SJD

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
3
bad day yesterday.
my lifelong friend had a party, and i wasnt invited because my ex would be there, and she decided he took precendence over me when inviting somebody.. not one of my friends called me to see where I was, and why i wasnt around, and then my ex called me to rub it in that he was there.
My best friend isnt living at home at the moment, so i cant go see her.
I feel trapped within my four walls, in the same way i want to be here.
outside will just hurt me, but i am human and i do need to feel accepted somewhere.
I want to bury myself away, for good.
what can I do with my life if not one person has a care for me. not ONE. ITS NOT A DIFFICULT FUCKING THING TO MAKE AN EFFORT JUST TO CALL ME AND SEE IF IM OKAY.

FUCKS SAKE. SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.
 
Libra1

Libra1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
515
Location
West Midlands
Hi SJD sorry to hear you are not having the best of days :hug:

Please do not beat yourself up that you wasn't invited to the party,or be angry as it will not change anything :(

Be kind to yourself, rest up a little if needs be, do you know how to do some deep breathing diaphramatic exercises to calm your mind and body? Or do some visualisation exercises, they are very calming.

I am sending you extra hugs :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Take care :flowers:
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 27, 2008
Messages
1,719
Location
Yorkshire
Hi SJD - yeh sorry about the time you're having, it sounds like it's pretty tough for you at the moment.

A few thoughts that I've had...

Maybe... your friends were embarrased about the situation at the party and felt too uncomfortable to call you given the situation. I guess they were just guests at the party and felt that they couldn't do anything about it - see if you can contact one of them and get it from them. When we're feeling down it's so easy to jump to the negative conclusion that everyone is having a go at us. Just a thought :unsure:.

Also...

Have you seen your GP about how you're feeling, are you under the care of a psychiatrist? The reason I ask is that I've been able to access mental health services in the local area through them and that this has introduced me to a whole new bunch of people who share some of the issues that I have and so are good for frank conversations about how you're feeling. The staff are great too for talking through any probs or thoughts that might be going through our heads.

They could offer the opportunity for you to start a whole new network of people who do care and are sensitive to your issues.

An alternative would be to see if there are any groups in the local area that you can just turn up to.

Don't forget that there's a whole bunch of people here that care as well - as I'm sure you'll see with the replies to your post.

Here's some hugs that you definitely deserve :hug::hug::hug:

Take care and keep posting.
 
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