First Post - First time admitting self harm

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flutterby1607

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Jan 8, 2019
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2
#1
I am struggling with self harm. In retrospect, I think I have always self harmed, just in a milder, non traditional format. And I have done this because I don't like myself or I want to hurt myself in someway.

Now I am 34, almost 35. I have progressed to a more traditional form of self harm. I have been careful to try and hide it. It isn't as severe as it could be. But it is there. It could be visible and noticeable.

But although it more severe than it was, it is not as severe as it could be so I keep telling myself it's not real. That I can't be just starting this at 34. I know I have reason to do this but it is still scary that has started now and that I need to keep it hidden.

I am scared. I am confident there will be no lasting effects at the moment, but there could be in the long term.

I just don't feel like I can control this at the moment. But I also don't think its real.
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
That feeling of not being real about it is something I get. Its almost like someone else is doing this not you. Is that right? Its addictive and works in the short term to help you, but in the long term it doesn't work at all. You might like to consider trying to find out why you have started this now. What has triggered you? Something must have happened.

I'm sure others will be along soon to reach out to. But you are not alone out there with this.
 
R

RexieSF7

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Jan 11, 2019
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#3
So sorry that you are going through this. When I was younger I went through some tough stuff and developed an eating disorder... at the time I didn't realize how harmful that it was to me as it was something that I used/did to cope with life but in time, instead of me being able to control it... it soon began to control me leading to a very bad place. I am hoping that you can get a hold of this sooner than later because as you said so yourself there certainly could be some bad consequences in the long term. Counseling may help like cognitive behavioral to help choose a positive thing to do when that urge comes over you. Also, just to talk about what is going on will be helpful. Just bringing your situation to "light" with others help relieve some of the pressure. There are definitely places that you can go so as not to feel judged or ashamed of what is going on... people who would love to love on you to help you see your self worth and value. Reaching out here is good as well. <3
 
Mark_01

Mark_01

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#4
Welcome to the forum, flutterby1607, I hope you make friends and find help here.