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First post....asking for help

M

Martin_3t

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2019
Messages
9
Location
England
Hi,
I can't believe I'm here, I thought I had recovered from SH 20 years ago but today I started again. I'd been thinking of doing it all day, working up to it, telling myself it was right.
What's scaring me is once I started it was so easy to do it, now I've got to do that hiding my arms thing allover again.
I had counselling when I first did it in the 90s but she starting crying one day when she read what had happened when I was a child. So I couldn't go back after that as I had made her cry. My parents were ashamed of me after I tried suicide. So I just learnt to act like I was ok.
Now I'm so scared that I'm going down this dark road again. I hurt myself so bad before, I've never spoken truthfully to anyone about what I did. Ashamed of what they would think.
I hate the fact that this is dragging me down as I am usually the funny guy that cheers people up and helps people. How weird that I care more about others than myself.
Sorry for rambling, better go, time for work.
Thank you for reading this.
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,755
Hi and :welcome: to the forum, you post sounds just like mine and I'm sure others on here experience, this is a safe sharing space XXX
I hope you find the strength not to SH but I know the ... I want to say release that it gives ...
I'd say if your not already that you look at some professional advice and support, I've started on meds and there have lifted some of the darkness on some of the days X

Take care X
 
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