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First manic episode

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butterflykisses

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I just got back from the hospital yesterday from having my first full manic episode. I have a lot of regret from spamming people and having absolutely no boundaries. And I did a lot of inappropriate things even in the hospital which is extremely embarrassing to think about.

Does anyone have advice for what to do after mania is over? What are some good ways to recover from something like that? Thank you.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Does anyone have advice for what to do after mania is over? What are some good ways to recover from something like that?
I believe the only things we can do are apologise and repair bridges where possible and try to put what is unsalvageable behind us.

If you're not aware of the Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) I'd look it up and consider completing one as they can be a good guide to help us identify warning signs of another episode and what to do if any alarm bells start to ring.

May I ask what symptoms of mania you experienced other than doing things that were highly out of character? That's if you feel comfortable talking about them.

For me I was what could be described as manic during my psychosis episodes and I can tell you I felt absolutely great, I had an overactive imagination (perhaps too much), unlimited amounts of energy and as a byproduct of that hardly slept, I was very talkative which is unusual for me and I hardly felt any pain (stubbed my toe quite badly while in hospital and hardly felt it).

The only thing that made it so bad was I began to hear a voice that wasn't my own and it steered me down a dark path near the end of my mania, but the beginning before the voice was quite enjoyable, I liken it to the experience I had of taking Ecstasy in my youth.

Now my theory behind the experience is that the gland in the brain responsible for producing Endorphins (the feel good chemical produced mostly by doing exercise) was overproducing for whatever reason, in massive amounts I believe it could produce an effect not unlike that of taking Ecstasy.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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The only thing that made it so bad was I began to hear a voice that wasn't my own and it steered me down a dark path near the end of my mania, but the beginning before the voice was quite enjoyable, I liken it to the experience I had of taking Ecstasy in my youth.

Now my theory behind the experience is that the gland in the brain responsible for producing Endorphins (the feel good chemical produced mostly by doing exercise) was overproducing for whatever reason, in massive amounts I believe it could produce an effect not unlike that of taking Ecstasy.
bipolar mania has similarities to both cocaine and ecstasy

like the inflated self esteem and constant talking with cocaine

and the loving techno music and dancing with ecstasy
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Yes, that was my initial experience, I was 16 years clean of using Ecstasy when my mania occurred, I told the doctors who admitted me to the mental ward that I was experiencing symptoms that were very similar to being on the drug but they offered up no explanation so I went searching for my own and found the possible link to an Endorphin imbalance.

It happened twice to me, first in late February 2016 mere days before my 36th birthday and again in the summer of 2016, I wasn't given any medication for the first 'episode' I just seemed to come down on my own after a week or two but after it happened again I sought out medication and thankfully it hasn't happened since.

Prior to this happening to me I had no history of mental illness.
 
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butterflykisses

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At the beginning I just had lots of excess energy, barely slept and worked on school projects all night. Then began experiencing lots of auditory hallucinations. I went home for a bit and then shortly after I got home, I started seeing random visual hallucinations. The only way I felt safe was putting my heading under blankets and just ignoring all the voices and things that I knew must not be real. I had a whole fantasy world that came to life in which I thought I knew certain celebrities and thought I was giving myself up for science and that it was the end of the world. I didn’t even know I was in the hospital. But when my dad took me there I thought he was just showing off the “miracle” I thought I performed and I talked a lot. My psychiatrist said it was one of the worst manic episodes she’s seen in quite a few years. I made friends with this older dude that I thought was my grandpa. And I thought my psych professor was there and that I was somehow part of this plan to prevent suicides or something. My voice sounded foreign to me and I was completely outside of reality. once I got stable earlier this week, it felt kind of strange because I realized all the things that never actually happened. I apparently slept a lot of the time in the hospital so I don’t remember it that much especially since I couldn’t even see my parents or anything. I was afraid to fall asleep because I didn’t know if I’d wake up.
 
NWiddi

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That's quite the experience and similar to mine in many ways.

One example...

My first night on the ward I thought I was like Jesus and a psychic, I tried to read the minds of some of the staff (unsuccessfully I might add) and touched them on the shoulder and told them they were healed, one woman removed her glasses just to check if her eyesight had been restored bless her lol.

Have you ever heard voices or experienced visual hallucinations outside of being manic? It's five years since my first episode and I'm still hearing a voice that I don't believe is my own.
 
Wishbone

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Oh that glasses part is a killer NWiddi, bless her!

BK, sounds like you had a stinker of an episode, I feel for you. As for what you can do, well, you can start by not continuing to feel embarrassed for what happened. You have an illness, you were ill, this was the result. Nobody leaves the hospital after certain illnesses without feeling embarrassed for a little while. Imagine having some bowel problem and being 'explosive' all over the place. Embarrassing yes, but you'd put it down to being ill and that you couldn't do anything about it and you'd swiftly move past it. You can do the same.

One thing you can do is learn what happened in the lead up to your episode, did anything in particular contribute, and can you avoid those kinds of things in the future so as not to have a repeat. (WRAP is bang on for that stuff). Managing yourself is priority number one, which can mean cutting back a little on all of the things you'd ordinarily take on.
 
Zana

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That's a lot for your brain to go through, it may take a while for you to recover fully but trust that you will be a wiser and better person for it. It may start as two steps backwards, one step forward. After a while you will take one step forwards and one backwards, and eventually you will take two steps forwards with just the occasional step backwards.

What's key is to never stop giving yourself time to reset, dust yourself off, thank those that are there to help you, and keep trying again. Listen to your psychiatrist and those that you trust and never give up. You will gain respect in yourself and others will respect you for it.

I heard a voice when very anxious and/or manic and would fall of reality and in to a nightmare. The voice was welcoming me into the darkness. A technique I developed over the years was to imagine a guardian angel (my grandfather) coming to my aid and defending me from all of this; creating a safe space within the chaos.

All the best.
 
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Gratefultobewell

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I did experience that dark voice commenting on everything that I did, telling me over and over what a terrible person I was, and how everything I did was ridiculous, stupid etc. It was horrible, and led to self harm and a black depression that put me in the hospital 6 times over 2 years.
 
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