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First manic episode left me very scared

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Rach4love

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Joined
Apr 20, 2021
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7
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Canada
Hi all, I have not been year diagnosed but just went through the most uncharacteristic experience of my life. It ruined a relationship and I was publically shamed on social media. Looking back I cannot believe that was actually me. Going through a bad depression right now due to shame. I am planning to go to the hospital tomorrow to seek help as I feel like my whole life has been thrown off kilter and I don’t know my next step. After reading about bipolar, every single symptom of mania is what I just experienced. Has anyone come out of a manic episode thinking “was that actually me”?
 
Q

Queenoface

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Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
20
Location
Guyana
Sorry to hear, and hope you feel better soon. And yes, when I first had my manic episode, it lasted for weeks, and I did alot of embarrassing things in that period but over the years I grew out of it and just accepted it for what it was... an illness I didn't cause or asked for. So dont be too hard on yourself and don't consider suicide either. It gets better, just take your medication and possibly go to therapy and move on with your life.
 
Pink

Pink

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Sep 23, 2019
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194
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London
Yes I feel the same. I did things I regret and feel very ashamed and don't know how to face people over it. I ended it with my partner when I was having an episode because I thought I was marrying someone else to save the world or something silly.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,262
Location
Nashua NH
Hi all, I have not been year diagnosed but just went through the most uncharacteristic experience of my life. It ruined a relationship and I was publically shamed on social media. Looking back I cannot believe that was actually me. Going through a bad depression right now due to shame. I am planning to go to the hospital tomorrow to seek help as I feel like my whole life has been thrown off kilter and I don’t know my next step. After reading about bipolar, every single symptom of mania is what I just experienced. Has anyone come out of a manic episode thinking “was that actually me”?
yes
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,262
Location
Nashua NH
Hi all, I have not been year diagnosed but just went through the most uncharacteristic experience of my life. It ruined a relationship and I was publically shamed on social media. Looking back I cannot believe that was actually me. Going through a bad depression right now due to shame. I am planning to go to the hospital tomorrow to seek help as I feel like my whole life has been thrown off kilter and I don’t know my next step. After reading about bipolar, every single symptom of mania is what I just experienced. Has anyone come out of a manic episode thinking “was that actually me”?
What happened during the period of mania?
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
Sorry, is that first part supposed to say "I have not YET been diagnosed"?
 
R

Rach4love

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Canada
Sorry to hear, and hope you feel better soon. And yes, when I first had my manic episode, it lasted for weeks, and I did alot of embarrassing things in that period but over the years I grew out of it and just accepted it for what it was... an illness I didn't cause or asked for. So dont be too hard on yourself and don't consider suicide either. It gets better, just take your medication and possibly go to therapy and move on with your life.
Thank for the input. I do realize it was not my fault. Just trying to move past the shame I’m feeling and more to the acceptance stage I suppose.
 
R

Rach4love

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Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
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Location
Canada
What happened during the period of mania?
I completely thought a man was way into me than he was. He was trying push me away but I thought he was going to move here for me so we could be together. I was creating art for him and posting it on social media. He ended up publicly shaming me on fb and calling me inane. Which I was acting very very out of character but now that I have more of an understand why I’m am trying to forgive myself and let go of the shame. I’m in a depression and worthless feeling as of right now
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Messages
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I completely thought a man was way into me than he was. He was trying push me away but I thought he was going to move here for me so we could be together. I was creating art for him and posting it on social media. He ended up publicly shaming me on fb and calling me inane. Which I was acting very very out of character but now that I have more of an understand why I’m am trying to forgive myself and let go of the shame. I’m in a depression and worthless feeling as of right now
Lots of things seem different when we are manic. It’s beautiful that you felt loving feelings toward someone and expressed it to them through art. So maybe it was a little misdirected. There are worse things that could happen to him than to be the recipient of someone’s creative expression I am sure. Still I know the feeling. I have posted stuff on Facebook when manic that i cannot take back now. I ended up leaving Facebook in part because of this. I guess with Bipolar these things sometimes happens. We might both be embarrassed but at least we are safe. xo, j
 
R

Rach4love

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Canada
I completely thought a man was way into me than he was. He was trying push me away but I thought he was going to move here for me so we could be together. I was creating art for him and posting it on social media. He ended up publicly shaming me on fb and calling me inane. Which I was acting very very out of character but now that I have more of an understand why I’m am trying to forgive myself and let go of the shame. I’m in a depression and worthless feeling as of right now
Lots of things seem different when we are manic. It’s beautiful that you felt loving feelings toward someone and expressed it to them through art. So maybe it was a little misdirected. There are worse things that could happen to him than to be the recipient of someone’s creative expression I am sure. Still I know the feeling. I have posted stuff on Facebook when manic that i cannot take back now. I ended up leaving Facebook in part because of this. I guess with Bipolar these things sometimes happens. We might both be embarrassed but at least we are safe. xo, j
awe thank you for sharing your experience, it makes me feel so much better know I’m not alone in all this. I was feeling so shameful of my actions, but letting go of that now and dealing with the aftermath.. taking steps to help myself accept and love this new side of myself I did not know existed
 
R

Rach4love

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Canada
Yes I feel the same. I did things I regret and feel very ashamed and don't know how to face people over it. I ended it with my partner when I was having an episode because I thought I was marrying someone else to save the world or something silly.
It’s really something looking back and not even remembering some of the stuff you did but knowing your the elephant in the room and people are talking about it. Never felt this low in my life about something that isn’t even my fault. But people look at it as you did it deliberately. Thank you for sharing your expecting like i said it’s such a relief knowing I’m not alone
 
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Rach4love

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Canada
It’s really something looking back and not even remembering some of the stuff you did but knowing your the elephant in the room and people are talking about it. Never felt this low in my life about something that isn’t even my fault. But people look at it as you did it deliberately. Thank you for sharing your expecting like i said it’s such a relief knowing I’m not alone
Experience**
 
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