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Finding your terminally ill parent when they died

R

Red678

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
10
Location
County durham
Unsure what's wrong with me but I know my mind set has not been right since I found my mam on the morning she died dont know what to do even 3 years down the line
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
1,445
Location
Planet Mercury
I'm sorry to hear this. I know it's hard losing a loved one. The loved ones I've lost I say prayers to whatever I can. I pray you get some relief from the stress you're feeling and to move on mindful and peaceful.
 
R

Red678

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
10
Location
County durham
I dont know why I'm as bad as I have been, with my job I've seen more death than enough working with the elderly but I really think finding my mam the day she died has done more damage to me mentally than what I realise because I brush feelings under the carpet mainly because I want to be strong for my dad and brother I'm scared I'll look weak and I don't want that. My way of thinking is well if my dad and brother can get on with life I should be able to cope better because I'm in care dont want to go for professional help because I dont want to burden
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
3,383
Location
USA
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you haven't allowed yourself to grieve yet and instead trying to hold it all back.

I think talking with a professional would help you process all your feelings and would be a good idea.

There's no timeline when it comes to grieving but actually allowing yourself to does help.

Hugs
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Jun 11, 2017
Messages
3,383
Location
USA
I cant seek help, I dont want to let this beat me and be seen as weak :(
Seeking help isn't weak,it actually takes a strong person to reach out for help.

How's managing on your own working for you? Not so well,right?

This forum is filled with many,if not most,members that have or currently are in treatment for their issues,myself included. Does that mean we are all weak?

I think it takes strength and courage to say hey,I can't do this on my own.
 
R

Red678

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
10
Location
County durham
Its never been me.... I always try help others before myself I've lost a few people in my life but with mam I seen so much and it was a major traumatic life event for me which I've never had to deal with something like this before hand never had to be in a battle with my own head .... I have been on depression tablets not long after she died but never went back because I felt better
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
3,383
Location
USA
I hope you eventually decide to seek help. You deserve to feel better.

I found it helpful to talk about my Dads death in therapy. I was able to process a lot of feelings I was holding back.

I also worked through another death that was pretty traumatic for me to witness. I didn't think I would ever get the images out of my mind and be able to move past it. But I did,with the help of my therapist.

There's no shame in not being able to "beat" something. You experienced something traumatic,there's nothing wrong in getting guidance in working through it.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
3,383
Location
USA
Ultimately it's up to you @Red678 whether you seek help with this or not.

Either way I genuinely wish you well with it and hope you can find a way to make peace with it.

Hugs
 
K

Kc88

Member
Joined
May 24, 2020
Messages
16
Location
California
Sounds like PTSD and depression. You dont have to take medication but maybe talk to a trauma therapist. You are not weak for wanting to better yourself I actually would admire you. The weak thing would be to "Be Afraid" of getting help cause you care what others think. No one has to know a thing. do it for yourself.
 
R

Red678

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
10
Location
County durham
I phoned my gp and I have anxiety depression together but mostly depression hes gave me numbers and websites for when I am ready to talk to someone and I am starting sertraline tomorrow
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
10,266
Location
Nowhere
hi Red

that isn't weakness its normal to be traumatised
by outstanding circumstances

my brother was there when my Mum died and I wasnt
its obvious he is deeply traumatised and is not able to do much
he also will not seek help , I think the idea offends his masculinity or something

:grouphug: 🌝🎼
 
R

Red678

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
10
Location
County durham
hi Red

that isn't weakness its normal to be traumatised
by outstanding circumstances

my brother was there when my Mum died and I wasnt
its obvious he is deeply traumatised and is not able to do much
he also will not seek help , I think the idea offends his masculinity or something

:grouphug: 🌝🎼
I have seen a gp now so I am hopeful to get better soon. Aww am sorry to hear that yeah think it's a man thing, I just think if they can get on with things so can I but I had to admit defeat
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
10,266
Location
Nowhere
actually admitting defeat in the circumstances
is a strength

sometimes life defeats us, we seek help
and we go on to be the winners ...
 
R

Red678

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Messages
10
Location
County durham
actually admitting defeat in the circumstances
is a strength

sometimes life defeats us, we seek help
and we go on to be the winners ...
That's what I get told and I am trying to learn ha ha I hope so
 
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