Finding therapy tough

[bpd2020]

After I had therapy yesterday I cried and cried. I rarely cry so this was strange to me. I hate myself so much and it stems from the way my parents raised me. Today I feel so sad and coped by overeating. Now I feel really guilty and ashamed for turning to food. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up but I know that is impossible. I struggle with my self hatred.

 

[JessisMe]

It’s okay to stray from a healthy diet sometimes.
Lots of people indulge in comfort eating.
You can get back on track with things the next day. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human like everyone else.

 

[OCDguy]

I go with encourage the good, discourage the bad. Look to your good qualities, and work on the ones you're not pleased with...

 

[bpd2020]

It’s okay to stray from a healthy diet sometimes.
Lots of people indulge in comfort eating.
You can get back on track with things the next day. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human like everyone else.

Thank you. You are really kind. That helps.

 

[bpd2020]

I go with encourage the good, discourage the bad. Look to your good qualities, and work on the ones you're not pleased with...

I do not like anything about myself. I do not even know how to work on the flaws. Thank you for replying

 

[WhySoSerious]

We are all prone to screw ups! EVERY person in the world. Some people pretend they aren't but they are bullshitters. We all make mistakes, do things we regret, say things we later want to take back, eat what we think we shouldn't. EVERY PERSON!

I used to get so hung up on should and musts. I must eat healthy. I shouldn't give in to temptation. It was bloody torturous!

It sounds to me like you did something amazing by being a bit more in touch with painful emotions! Is therapy painful? Hell yes! If it was easy we wouldn't be having it. In fact the more painful it feels the more you are getting out of it. Give yourself a break, you are trying your best and that's all that matters right now.

 

[bpd2020]

We are all prone to screw ups! EVERY person in the world. Some people pretend they aren't but they are bullshitters. We all make mistakes, do things we regret, say things we later want to take back, eat what we think we shouldn't. EVERY PERSON!

I used to get so hung up on should and musts. I must eat healthy. I shouldn't give in to temptation. It was bloody torturous!

It sounds to me like you did something amazing by being a bit more in touch with painful emotions! Is therapy painful? Hell yes! If it was easy we wouldn't be having it. In fact the more painful it feels the more you are getting out of it. Give yourself a break, you are trying your best and that's all that matters right now.

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. You are right, I was more in touch with my feelings and I am trying extra hard with this round of therapy.

 

[WhySoSerious]

Try as hard as you are able but also remember that you will have days where its not all that easy. As long as you are true to yourself and know you are trying that's all that matters. Also remember that therapy isn't supposed to be easy. Its painful. Horrible. Makes you face the fact you may be contributing to your suffering. Most people end up either 1) blaming the therapist 2) blaming people not understanding them or 3) quitting. The fact you are going out of your way to try even when its hard is a massive plus for you. GOOD LUCK! I have faith in you!

BTW CRY! I want you to cry! The more you cry the more you see that something is shifting! I describe it like a blocked nose. Its so blocked your sinuses hurt and you can't shift it. then you take the decongestant (therapy) and snot all over the place. All over the person sitting next to you, all over yourself, in a tissue, on the pillow! Its disgusting and painful! But afterward you feel so much relief and less blocked up and that's surely a good thing.

Sorry for the gross analogy, not sure that helps hahaha