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Finding the strength to move on from bad relationship

MotherLion

MotherLion

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2018
Messages
16
Location
UK
It's taking a lot for me to write this. I'm worried that I may get caught writing this.
I'm in a bad relationship. I don't want to exaggerate things at all, my boyfriend is not a monster but if he knew I was writing this then.. I don't know.
He's not violent. Well, if he raises a hand to me then he is only messing around. It's just that he doesn't know how much force he is using and I'm only tiny. When I flinch away from him, he finds it funny and seems proud that I fear him.
Saying that, my biggest issue with him is emotional. He can put me down a lot. One example would be Valentine's day when I brought him chocolates and he didn't get me anything. We sat together eating them, and he commented how I was eating his gift, and I replied (jokingly) that if he got me something then I wouldn't be eating his. He replied, "If you meant something to me, then I would have." He immediately hugged me and said he was joking, but he puts me down in this way all the time and I'm starting to believe that these snide comments are actually how he feels.
We also have bad history. When we first got together, he was already in a relationship with a girl who he had two kids with, and didn't tell me about his girlfriend or their kids.. and I didn't find out until I fell pregnant with his child myself. Things got quite scary from there. In fear of losing his *real* family, he started sending me threats, sending me vile messages saying stuff like "take all your medication so you and that baby die" or "I hope you bleed to death, at least the baby would be dead too."
He can be vile. I had my child without him there, he was busy with a completely different girlfriend (as the girlfriend he had kids with left him).
Then 3 months after my son was born, I -for some stupid reason- forgave him. I'm not using it as an excuse, but I was struggling with post natal depression which I think made me vulnerable and made it easy for me to give in and take him back.

Now I feel stuck. He's very manipulative and I'm afraid what might happen if I leave him.
But... I don't even know if I have the strength. I have bpd and get very attached to people.
How do I get out of this? I know he isn't good for me, I know I could be happier than I am now, but I'm scared.

I went on a bit. Oops, haha.
 
Last edited:
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,864
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so sorry for the situation your in, please don't blame yourself. He does sound vile.
You and baby and any pets need to escape this monster before he really hurts you.
Here to support and listen to you.
Sorry you have had pnd as well, hope your recovering well.
You must find the strength to leave, don't warn him. Can you leave when he's at work or out at night?
Women's aid are UK based and will help.
Home - Womens Aid
http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/
Refuge Against Domestic Violence.Help for women & children.Regd Charity
You can private message me as well if you need too.
Take care
 
Last edited:
Brazenh

Brazenh

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 3, 2017
Messages
55
Location
London
I've been there I know it's hard to sort or get out of this situation. Talking to them makes it worse for yourself asking others not in that situation don't seem to understand.
I had to start again from scratch It was hard and I did feel like I was doing wrong but the end result was I was happier.
It won't be easy i left a lot of people, places and stuff but it was best for me in the long run.
 
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