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Finding it hard right now..

S

Sarah2412

New member
Joined
Feb 5, 2015
Messages
4
I've always had issues with the jealous part of bpd, recently my boyfriend went to Vegas and it's triggered what I can only describe as an episode. He's back now but I'm having panic attacks, crying for no reason, utter rage, escapism, imagining all these things he's done, paranoia. I don't believe he has cheated but that's never been an issue with me the issue is I feel very threatened that he will get sexual relief elsewhere be it strippers, porn or just naked women in films or tv. The rage I feel when I'm triggered is horrible I feel like I'm possessed I haven't spoken to him about this yet and have no idea how to without sounding just like a nightmare. Can anyone help me in how I can tell him? (He knows I have bpd)
Thank you.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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13,529
Location
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Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry you're having a bad time at the moment.
Whilst I appreciate you don't want to sound like "nightmare", it is important that you're honest about your feelings.
Perhaps you could start off by saying you're feeling insecure.
I'm wondering if there's anything he could do to reassure you, or if this anxiety will be there no matter what he says?
 
S

Sarah2412

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Joined
Feb 5, 2015
Messages
4
Thank you, I'm glad to be here. I think you're right I just have this fear of turning him away but generally he's quite understanding in what I have told him so far. It's the rage that I get that's the worse when I get irrational. I'll speak to him soon about it as it's just amplifying me at the moment.
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
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I think that its best to try express yourself its hard.
That part of bpd i get that bloody rage feel like smashing something screaming at someone telling my husband i hate him over and over again.
When i calmed down the next day (and he had already gotten over this episode of mine like that has happened so we moved forward) i told him i was upset and he didnt care (exactly what my mother would do and more...)
I took all that anger etc out on him totally irrational but i was able to look back and after lots of therapy the child who was hurting and rejected was triggered.
He did care except i kept slamming the door in his face and telling him to fuck off oops
I am lucky hes such a well grounded person thank god for me
But as you said above which is awesome you understand that yes we can be irrational and thats all part of it,
hey all the best x
 
S

Sarah2412

New member
Joined
Feb 5, 2015
Messages
4
Yes the rage is horrible I feel like a possessed demon or something there's no reasoning and after the blow up the guilt and shame is equally vile. Your lucky you have such a lovely husband. Thank you I feel so glad Ive come on here as if I can relate so much more than I have been able to with other people.
 
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