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C

Comorbidity

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
472
Location
London
Depression does have a knack of chipping away at you, taking pieces every time, huh? It always leaves me that little bit more worn out than the last time, even the smaller episodes of it because there's that resigned sickness of it and feeling that yes, this will again one day return. It would be so nice to be rid of it forever. Sadness I can handle, that's natural, but depression...sheesh!

How old are you both @Mav2126 & @Comorbidity if you don't mind me asking? (A 5 year range will suffice if you don't want to give away particulars).
51, it's not depression that breaks things for me WB, it's severe trauma while severely manic, you must realise that the end of long term relationships and friendships and the complete loss of environment and independence are all massive further traumas when severely manic with psychosis, trauma on trauma on trauma on trauma, so many successive major traumas, while severely manic, well WB, there's no coming back from that, unfortunately
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,868
Location
England
How long have you felt that way about everything?
 
C

Comorbidity

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
472
Location
London
How long have you felt that way about everything?
About society and the majority of people in general since I was 12, but people in general my entire life.

About how broken things have become, since that first mother of all episodes through the 3 years of absolutely brutal day in day out workplace abuse, I knew something was very VERY wrong, very VERY broken, that left me with a second C-PTSD and absolutely destroyed 4 decades of very carefully and thoughtfully constructed and developed coping mechanisms, like someone had come into my head with a sledgehammer and smashed it all to pieces.

Speaking to an Iraq War veteran about it, he said I was a torture victim, that what I endured at work was modern day torture and what the army prepared them for if they're captured
 
floatin

floatin

Active member
Joined
May 26, 2021
Messages
38
Location
Colorado
I'm at a crossroads at the moment and my mood has hit an awkward patch because of it, which is situational, which I guess I'm thankful for as at least that can be seen as having a reason and therefore probably rectifiable.

Anyway, my situation. I'm now currently stuck with nothing to do during the day and I'm climbing the walls internally and externally and have that horrible trapped feeling in my chest of wanting to break out or scream or something. I want to do something but at the same time I don't want to do anything...but I do...and I don't. There are a number of things that either could potentially go right or things that are currently wrong or are going wrong, so right now is not a great time for me, but every day is dragging on and on. There are so many hours in the day and I feel myself getting worse. I want to sleep to pass time but I know that will make things worse again. I feel a little bit like I'm stuck in a hole and don't know how to get myself out other than for one of these things to go right for me; a slice of luck, something to go my way, and things can start being different. But if I get more things going wrong I fear I'm going to end up in a bad place mentally (though hopefully medication keeps this at bay enough). I want to get back into work but I'm really messed up about the whole thing, stuck about what area of work I could go into, could I do it, could I be around people that much, could I stay well, could stress be kept to a minimum, would I have to tell others, can I remain focused or would I be a liability, can I work and then use that to build other areas of my life - as I want to, or am I destined to be stuck like this now...so many questions like this and more and I just don't know what to do. I feel like 16-18 year old me facing a possible career path only now with an illness and a gap in my work history to try and account for as well. The fretting about this is making me worse, I know it, so am I better off just doing nothing and being well enough? But that's not a fate I want to be resigned to. Argh!!

So other than volunteering, which I can't do at the moment, and getting a job, which I'm trying to do at the moment, and exercise which I can only do a little bit of...what else can I do to pass the time, preferably in a productive way. P.S: I also don't feel like going outside and I'm struggling to remain concentrated on movies and things like that for very long.
Basically, everything is shit. 👍 (Hooray for positivity!)
You know it’s amazing how you just described my exact same circumstances. I’m stuck in the same hole right now, trying to get a job being forced too but feeling unable to with everything. I’m nervous too about what they’ll say about my gap in work history etc. It gets better brother
 
C

Comorbidity

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
472
Location
London
In retrospect @Wishbone I think you're where I was 7 years ago workwise and I hope you are more fortunate than I was. It was on the four occasions I tried to return to work that I discovered the devastating effect of how crippling the C-PTSD the 3 years of sustained workplace had left me with was and how quickly it being triggered could trigger an extreme, severe and dangerous manic episode, how easily it could be triggered and how many triggers there were, and that I absolutely had to steer well clear of all the environments and behaviours that were triggers for my own safety and well being and that of others.
 
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