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Mav2126

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
176
Location
New York
Thanks for all of your suggestions, you're a good bunch. So far I'm still able to stick to my morning walks, which is important, but for the first time in months I've had the odd morning where I've felt like not going for them. When I'm on them or when I have finished them I feel better about them though, so I do know that I need them. It's just what comes after that. I do feel very much like I'm existing at the moment, but it does all feel very situational. I know things would change...if only things would change! 😣
I just need a way to navigate this stone-in-the-shoe feeling that lurks within at the moment.
Wishbone - you have been so helpful and insightful for me on this site it makes me sad to hear that you are suffering. I just hope that you get through this difficult time for you...none of us deserve the pain we have to live with...
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
12,125
Location
England
I feel very similar to you. It has become easier over time, maybe I have found some ways to cope and also pass time.

I also walk, to the shop, every other day at least.

Can you do some decorating?
Make xmas presents?
Cards?
Decs up?

Be a tourist and visit the local towns and their buildings or rivers.

Do your food shopping a bit at a time.

Have a sort out and charity shop drop.

Cleaning I'm sure you have done.

For the restless moments, insence is helpful. I have cones and lay flat on the rug.

Sometimes i get a glass of cider and blast the music. Lights off too.

Wash hair then blast with ice cold water.

You get better at it.

Baking, cooking curry or new things.

Bake bread in the morning.

Make fresh crumpets.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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12,125
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England
Gaps in the cv, I will say I was caring for a sick relative.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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As I read your words it gives me hope because I thought I was completely alone in this… these never ending days, the want to get to work but the anxiety of whether I can… recently I seem to have fallen into a depression that feels like Groundhog Day. I basically watch tv all hours of the night and sleep most of the day, get up, have decaf coffee and try to do anything that keeps me from overthinking… leaving the house I can’t even manage to do right now… people say it gets better but it feels like I’m destined to be here forever… it feels at times hopeless and I even get anxious about another day of it… yet this is how I’m living now… the motivation is not there and it’s as if I have given up… but I haven’t because I am still here. I just found this forum today and wanted to post about how I’m currently feeling then came across this… I fully understand the anxious thinking but at least you are doing a few things each day, it starts slowly is what they say… sometimes time is our best healer and we have to remember to not be so hard on ourselves… I know I can be so critical of myself and my life and all I’ve been through and that’s tough. Thanks for being so open and real, it’s appreciated and I’m cheering for you.
Welcome

I'm going through this too

Being kind to yourself is so important
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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12,125
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England
Depends how severe the episode you had and associated traumas and development of any new comorbid conditions it caused I would imagine. The effects of all these things can permanently incapacitate some people, effectively break things beyond repair, you effectively become the living dead (which is what you have described), your life, as most people's understanding of 'having a life' is, is effectively over. I hope this isn't the case for you WB, but if it is you will learn to accept it over time, and to take any small pleasure you can derive from whatever you can and from the limited positive and stimulating interactions in small doses with other people in safe environments you're restricted to -
Do you feel like the living dead? It is a strange thing to say.

I could view my life in that way but I do feel I am making some contribution to the world, plus my goal is to get to the finish line. I am trying to make this life nice. My cats help me feel like I have a purpose and make me laugh.
 
F

Frankum35

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Messages
286
Location
FLORIDA
Thanks for all of your suggestions, you're a good bunch. So far I'm still able to stick to my morning walks, which is important, but for the first time in months I've had the odd morning where I've felt like not going for them. When I'm on them or when I have finished them I feel better about them though, so I do know that I need them. It's just what comes after that. I do feel very much like I'm existing at the moment, but it does all feel very situational. I know things would change...if only things would change! 😣
I just need a way to navigate this stone-in-the-shoe feeling that lurks within at the moment.
Hello friend, are you better ?
 
F

Frankum35

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Messages
286
Location
FLORIDA
As I read your words it gives me hope because I thought I was completely alone in this… these never ending days, the want to get to work but the anxiety of whether I can… recently I seem to have fallen into a depression that feels like Groundhog Day. I basically watch tv all hours of the night and sleep most of the day, get up, have decaf coffee and try to do anything that keeps me from overthinking… leaving the house I can’t even manage to do right now… people say it gets better but it feels like I’m destined to be here forever… it feels at times hopeless and I even get anxious about another day of it… yet this is how I’m living now… the motivation is not there and it’s as if I have given up… but I haven’t because I am still here. I just found this forum today and wanted to post about how I’m currently feeling then came across this… I fully understand the anxious thinking but at least you are doing a few things each day, it starts slowly is what they say… sometimes time is our best healer and we have to remember to not be so hard on ourselves… I know I can be so critical of myself and my life and all I’ve been through and that’s tough. Thanks for being so open and real, it’s appreciated and I’m cheering for you.
Hi, welcome to the forum. I felt happy when I found this forum. Immediately knew thus was a great place to be. I hope you feel better , one step at a time.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,868
Location
England
Yes @Frankum35 slightly better, it's only a blip anyway but thanks for asking. 👍
How are things with you, I hope you are well.
 
S

SFGuy

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Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
346
Location
California
How are things with you, I hope you are well.
Much better. My husband is putting on weight and participating in his treatment. One step at a time, no backsliding. I can't complain.

The Lyrica I started 6 months ago is a strangely pervasive anti-anxiety drug for me. I'm glad it's working.
 
C

Comorbidity

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Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
472
Location
London
Do you feel like the living dead? It is a strange thing to say.
I do feel like the living dead yes, my life effectively ended 10 years ago, things were broken that will never be fixed, I'm only still here for my parents and because my faith won't allow me to put myself down.

I don't have a life at all, I exist, and I don't need hugs thank you very much for them though, I will never have another relationship, I will never have children, I will never be able to work again, I will never have a group of friends again

When you've had my life long held perception of the world, society and the vast majority of people and you've only had the strength to try and venture into 'normal' people's world and society for your partner and as a last ditch shot at maybe having a family, having avoided it entirely for 14-16 years and after looking after, nurturing, caring for and supporting mentally and financially a small group of people for the best part of 10 years

And then when your attempting the normal world made you incredibly ill and everyone single one of those people dropped you like a bad habit when you desperately needed a little help and some support back, and the extreme and repeated episodes I had as a result of 3 years work place abuse and the behaviour of people you loved unconditionally and thought were 'different' from the majority of people becoming part of that, well, it breaks things, it breaks every highly developed coping mechanism built up over 4 decades, it breaks every faint hope you had of there being people who were different and ok you could make a life with and the PTSD it left me with, takes away any possibility of my doing most every thing that could possibly alter that perception, even if I had the strength, will and energy to try

So yes, I am very much the living dead, but I'm ok with it, it sounds bad when you read it, it was absolutely devastating and it completely destroyed me on so many levels, but, you get used to it, you take unnaturally excessive pleasure in the smallest of joys that come your way and are grateful of them and for them, you get used to being a completely different person that your old friends you don't see as they live elsewhere fail to recognise as you and not going out anywhere or wanting to and knowing that even if you did want to the risk of triggers are too great, you accept it, accept your life ended years ago
 
M

Mav2126

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
176
Location
New York
Comorbidity - I hate to say it but I feel the same way as you bu I haven't seen it written out like you have but I have to admit it mirrors my own feelings of life right now. I feel like a burnt out shell of a living being - hollow and broken - no purpose. I have had one too many depressive episodes in my life and can't take it anymore.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,868
Location
England
Depression does have a knack of chipping away at you, taking pieces every time, huh? It always leaves me that little bit more worn out than the last time, even the smaller episodes of it because there's that resigned sickness of it and feeling that yes, this will again one day return. It would be so nice to be rid of it forever. Sadness I can handle, that's natural, but depression...sheesh!

How old are you both @Mav2126 & @Comorbidity if you don't mind me asking? (A 5 year range will suffice if you don't want to give away particulars).
 
M

Mav2126

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
176
Location
New York
Depression does have a knack of chipping away at you, taking pieces every time, huh? It always leaves me that little bit more worn out than the last time, even the smaller episodes of it because there's that resigned sickness of it and feeling that yes, this will again one day return. It would be so nice to be rid of it forever. Sadness I can handle, that's natural, but depression...sheesh!

How old are you both @Mav2126 & @Comorbidity if you don't mind me asking? (A 5 year range will suffice if you don't want to give away particulars).
Hey Wishbone - I am 48 years old.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
4,808
Location
California
Hi Wishbone, photography came to my mind and cooking/ baking. Maybe a combination of it along with writing can become an interesting project. Sorry you are going through this. Depression does chip away taking pieces, sometimes more. Glad to hear you are feeling a little better and hope things start to get better and one of those things you hope will go right will sooner than later. xo 💗
 
F

Frankum35

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Messages
286
Location
FLORIDA
Yes @Frankum35 slightly better, it's only a blip anyway but thanks for asking. 👍
How are things with you, I hope you are well.
Hi there, just trying to identify hypomania states, thank you for your post. A little bump down about that.
 
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