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Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,868
Location
England
I'm at a crossroads at the moment and my mood has hit an awkward patch because of it, which is situational, which I guess I'm thankful for as at least that can be seen as having a reason and therefore probably rectifiable.

Anyway, my situation. I'm now currently stuck with nothing to do during the day and I'm climbing the walls internally and externally and have that horrible trapped feeling in my chest of wanting to break out or scream or something. I want to do something but at the same time I don't want to do anything...but I do...and I don't. There are a number of things that either could potentially go right or things that are currently wrong or are going wrong, so right now is not a great time for me, but every day is dragging on and on. There are so many hours in the day and I feel myself getting worse. I want to sleep to pass time but I know that will make things worse again. I feel a little bit like I'm stuck in a hole and don't know how to get myself out other than for one of these things to go right for me; a slice of luck, something to go my way, and things can start being different. But if I get more things going wrong I fear I'm going to end up in a bad place mentally (though hopefully medication keeps this at bay enough). I want to get back into work but I'm really messed up about the whole thing, stuck about what area of work I could go into, could I do it, could I be around people that much, could I stay well, could stress be kept to a minimum, would I have to tell others, can I remain focused or would I be a liability, can I work and then use that to build other areas of my life - as I want to, or am I destined to be stuck like this now...so many questions like this and more and I just don't know what to do. I feel like 16-18 year old me facing a possible career path only now with an illness and a gap in my work history to try and account for as well. The fretting about this is making me worse, I know it, so am I better off just doing nothing and being well enough? But that's not a fate I want to be resigned to. Argh!!

So other than volunteering, which I can't do at the moment, and getting a job, which I'm trying to do at the moment, and exercise which I can only do a little bit of...what else can I do to pass the time, preferably in a productive way. P.S: I also don't feel like going outside and I'm struggling to remain concentrated on movies and things like that for very long.
Basically, everything is shit. 👍 (Hooray for positivity!)
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,421
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hiya x learn art? a new language? listen to music? read?
watch lighthearthed stuff on netflix?

rest ,which you need with your illness ,there are free online courses at coursera
hope you feel better soon x Lu x
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,868
Location
England
Thanks for the suggestions Lu but I feel too weird at the moment for most of that. I fell out with art years ago; language appeals but would take too much concentration and mental effort; music I can only stick for so long; same with reading; I try to watch little bits of lighthearted stuff but can only stick so much of that too, I just feel so awkward.
You know when you use a knife and fork and the knife goes between the tines of the fork and it feels hideous, almost like nails on a blackboard? Well I feel physically and mentally like that is happening within me. As a result, nothing feels like it's something I want to do but as I said, at the same time I feel like I need to do something. It's just a horrible feeling.
 
B

BlueWater

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
594
Location
Earth
Go sit in the sunshine 🌞. Doing nothing is doing something. Make sense?
 
B

BlueWater

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
594
Location
Earth
On an average day I can't watch a movie or read a book. But I can stretch for ten minutes, water a plant, wash a dish, watch a short documentary or funny video, listen to one of my favorite songs, redecorate a spot in my house and as Fairy Lucretia said about languages I can stop for a few minutes to learn one new word in another language. Doing one big thing doesn't matter much to me anymore. But doing all the little things I need to do and fitting in the small things I want to do when I am ready to do them is what matters. And when all else fails, I go sit in the 🌞. Help?
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,972
Location
US
Hey, @Wishbone, I'm sorry to hear this. It was so bizarre to read it, as I felt I wrote it myself. A constant battle. I think when I've gotten into some of the deepest pits, I've found that the only thing that gets me out of these things is a small dose stimulant. Not all of them cause anxiety. Without them, I can't get out of bed at times. I know in England it can be harder to get these without ADHD or a related condition, and I am not sure if your diagnosis includes this. Mine hasn't, but the more I read about it co-occurring with so many other MH issues, and the more I read about the symptoms in adults, I wonder if I do have it, as I respond to stimulants far better than any antidepressants (I've been dx BPD, depression, anxiety). I can finally concentrate, get motivated, get out of bed, and I don't have the entire world piling up on me. Currently on Vyvanse (believe it has a different name there).

So I just spoke w someone else there who was having trouble in the same manner and he did just receive an ADHD diagnosis in addition to those that he knew of and was prescribed a stimulant. Said it's changed his life. Did the same for me. I don't want to sound like I'm pushing uppers to everyone, but I really wish more doctors were open to prescribing these for people with symptoms such as these. I don't know if you want to look over the ADHD adult symptoms, but they differ quite a bit from anything I've ever understood of it.

I'm sorry if all of this is totally off track with you, but just in case it could be an answer. xx
 
F

Frankum35

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 20, 2021
Messages
286
Location
FLORIDA
I'm at a crossroads at the moment and my mood has hit an awkward patch because of it, which is situational, which I guess I'm thankful for as at least that can be seen as having a reason and therefore probably rectifiable.

Anyway, my situation. I'm now currently stuck with nothing to do during the day and I'm climbing the walls internally and externally and have that horrible trapped feeling in my chest of wanting to break out or scream or something. I want to do something but at the same time I don't want to do anything...but I do...and I don't. There are a number of things that either could potentially go right or things that are currently wrong or are going wrong, so right now is not a great time for me, but every day is dragging on and on. There are so many hours in the day and I feel myself getting worse. I want to sleep to pass time but I know that will make things worse again. I feel a little bit like I'm stuck in a hole and don't know how to get myself out other than for one of these things to go right for me; a slice of luck, something to go my way, and things can start being different. But if I get more things going wrong I fear I'm going to end up in a bad place mentally (though hopefully medication keeps this at bay enough). I want to get back into work but I'm really messed up about the whole thing, stuck about what area of work I could go into, could I do it, could I be around people that much, could I stay well, could stress be kept to a minimum, would I have to tell others, can I remain focused or would I be a liability, can I work and then use that to build other areas of my life - as I want to, or am I destined to be stuck like this now...so many questions like this and more and I just don't know what to do. I feel like 16-18 year old me facing a possible career path only now with an illness and a gap in my work history to try and account for as well. The fretting about this is making me worse, I know it, so am I better off just doing nothing and being well enough? But that's not a fate I want to be resigned to. Argh!!

So other than volunteering, which I can't do at the moment, and getting a job, which I'm trying to do at the moment, and exercise which I can only do a little bit of...what else can I do to pass the time, preferably in a productive way. P.S: I also don't feel like going outside and I'm struggling to remain concentrated on movies and things like that for very long.
Basically, everything is shit. 👍 (Hooray for positivity!)
Hello friend, looks to me that you are getting things done. So in your free time you can go for walk, do groceries, cook a quick recipe, pick up an easy hobby. Go down memory lane cherish the happy moments.
I truly hope you feel better my friend.
 
C

Comorbidity

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
472
Location
London
I feel a little bit like I'm stuck in a hole and don't know how to get myself out other than for one of these things to go right for me; a slice of luck, something to go my way, and things can start being different. But if I get more things going wrong I fear I'm going to end up in a bad place mentally (though hopefully medication keeps this at bay enough). I want to get back into work but I'm really messed up about the whole thing, stuck about what area of work I could go into, could I do it, could I be around people that much, could I stay well, could stress be kept to a minimum, would I have to tell others, can I remain focused or would I be a liability, can I work and then use that to build other areas of my life - as I want to, or am I destined to be stuck like this now...
Depends how severe the episode you had and associated traumas and development of any new comorbid conditions it caused I would imagine. The effects of all these things can permanently incapacitate some people, effectively break things beyond repair, you effectively become the living dead (which is what you have described), your life, as most people's understanding of 'having a life' is, is effectively over. I hope this isn't the case for you WB, but if it is you will learn to accept it over time, and to take any small pleasure you can derive from whatever you can and from the limited positive and stimulating interactions in small doses with other people in safe environments you're restricted to -
 
T

timing

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
123
Location
Indiana, USA
There is a writer in you Wishbone. If you go back to all of your posts and see the wisdom there you may find a project. You have helped many people here including some who have been right in the place you are now. Just a thought...
 
U

Underdog21

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2021
Messages
196
Location
Oxford
There is a writer in you Wishbone. If you go back to all of your posts and see the wisdom there you may find a project. You have helped many people here including some who have been right in the place you are now. Just a thought...
I second that Wishbone.
 
Amazingly

Amazingly

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2021
Messages
264
Location
USA
I am in a similar situation as you @Wishbone
Everyday seems like I’m in a rut.

wishing you well, hang in there.
 
S

SFGuy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
346
Location
California
Basically, everything is shit. 👍 (Hooray for positivity!)
Wishbone, thanks for that ray of hope :D.

Your mood sounds like one of my creeping reactive depressions. I usually start slow and deteriorate from there.

The last time I had one, I wasn't aware of a bad mood, but I had all the vegetative signs. Poor diet, poor hygiene, early morning rising, no motivation, insomnia, etc. The mood state followed a major life change. It was disruptive, but positive otherwise.

I remembered a lesson from therapy and looked for places to add structure and simple goals that would produce a sense of achivement. It was stupidly simple, but it helped. I resolved to take a shower daily before noon. Then, I added other stuff to my day and patted myself on the back when I did things. One tiny step at a time.

It took a while, but I gradually pulled myself together enough to ask for med help and seek out therapy (therapy did no good this time, but it has helped other times). Eventually, the weird mood state passed, my med cocktail was improved, and, as always happens to us, I left the depression behind.

I don't know if it will help you, but simple structure was my first step out of the pit last time.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,868
Location
England
Thanks for all of your suggestions, you're a good bunch. So far I'm still able to stick to my morning walks, which is important, but for the first time in months I've had the odd morning where I've felt like not going for them. When I'm on them or when I have finished them I feel better about them though, so I do know that I need them. It's just what comes after that. I do feel very much like I'm existing at the moment, but it does all feel very situational. I know things would change...if only things would change! 😣
I just need a way to navigate this stone-in-the-shoe feeling that lurks within at the moment.
 
S

Sunshine111

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Ontario
I'm at a crossroads at the moment and my mood has hit an awkward patch because of it, which is situational, which I guess I'm thankful for as at least that can be seen as having a reason and therefore probably rectifiable.

Anyway, my situation. I'm now currently stuck with nothing to do during the day and I'm climbing the walls internally and externally and have that horrible trapped feeling in my chest of wanting to break out or scream or something. I want to do something but at the same time I don't want to do anything...but I do...and I don't. There are a number of things that either could potentially go right or things that are currently wrong or are going wrong, so right now is not a great time for me, but every day is dragging on and on. There are so many hours in the day and I feel myself getting worse. I want to sleep to pass time but I know that will make things worse again. I feel a little bit like I'm stuck in a hole and don't know how to get myself out other than for one of these things to go right for me; a slice of luck, something to go my way, and things can start being different. But if I get more things going wrong I fear I'm going to end up in a bad place mentally (though hopefully medication keeps this at bay enough). I want to get back into work but I'm really messed up about the whole thing, stuck about what area of work I could go into, could I do it, could I be around people that much, could I stay well, could stress be kept to a minimum, would I have to tell others, can I remain focused or would I be a liability, can I work and then use that to build other areas of my life - as I want to, or am I destined to be stuck like this now...so many questions like this and more and I just don't know what to do. I feel like 16-18 year old me facing a possible career path only now with an illness and a gap in my work history to try and account for as well. The fretting about this is making me worse, I know it, so am I better off just doing nothing and being well enough? But that's not a fate I want to be resigned to. Argh!!

So other than volunteering, which I can't do at the moment, and getting a job, which I'm trying to do at the moment, and exercise which I can only do a little bit of...what else can I do to pass the time, preferably in a productive way. P.S: I also don't feel like going outside and I'm struggling to remain concentrated on movies and things like that for very long.
Basically, everything is shit. 👍 (Hooray for positivity!)
As I read your words it gives me hope because I thought I was completely alone in this… these never ending days, the want to get to work but the anxiety of whether I can… recently I seem to have fallen into a depression that feels like Groundhog Day. I basically watch tv all hours of the night and sleep most of the day, get up, have decaf coffee and try to do anything that keeps me from overthinking… leaving the house I can’t even manage to do right now… people say it gets better but it feels like I’m destined to be here forever… it feels at times hopeless and I even get anxious about another day of it… yet this is how I’m living now… the motivation is not there and it’s as if I have given up… but I haven’t because I am still here. I just found this forum today and wanted to post about how I’m currently feeling then came across this… I fully understand the anxious thinking but at least you are doing a few things each day, it starts slowly is what they say… sometimes time is our best healer and we have to remember to not be so hard on ourselves… I know I can be so critical of myself and my life and all I’ve been through and that’s tough. Thanks for being so open and real, it’s appreciated and I’m cheering for you.
 
S

SFGuy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
346
Location
California
"As I read your words it gives me hope because I thought I was completely alone in this"

Welcome, Sunshine. Many of us are having your experience now, or, like me, have gone through the process of getting out of a dark patch, 1 little step at a time.

Hang in there.
 
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