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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Figuring out where I need help...

F

FrozenBear23

New member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Nashville
Hello friends. I am here because I realize I am heading down a downward spiral and am seeking community to better improve my life. I am a survivor of child abuse and rape and am currently age 30. I've spent the last decade of my life pursuing a career in the music industry and after a lot of hard work and hitting brick walls, I've finally given up on it as the money isn't flowing through the industry the way it used to and I that the amount of work and effort isn't worth the minimal output. I've always considered myself more of a writer and have been shifting to writing, but I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and stress.

I work a full-time job (I work in corporate healthcare), I'm married, and I'm looking for a new full-time job because we are struggling economically, and I'm constantly pursuing side-hustles to help improve our station in life. I've started to get angry much quicker and am more prone to impulsive and self-destructive behavior, I don't drink or do drugs, but I feel there aren't enough hours in the day to work my job, look for jobs, clean the dishes, do the littler box, feed the cats, do laundry, spend time with my wife, and then, after all of that, maybe have time for exercise, alone time, and time to write. I'm trying to find balance in my life and I'm not sure what message board to go to, so I'm hoping I can get some guidance on what board to post in.

I suspect I'm overextending myself but I don't know what to give up. I have a weekly podcast and started a YouTube channel, but I don't spend more than 4 hours a week on those projects, and they've become incredibly useful networking tools and a chance to make sure I connect with friends, especially during this crisis where everything is remote, but I have considered giving them up as a possible solution. I'm sure I haven't fully healed my trauma as I've linked economic and artistic success to overcoming trauma, which is a recipe for disaster and I need to just fully heal the wounds.

So, yeah, hi.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. I suspect as you know that a lot of what you are experiencing is linked to your severe abuse as a child. But that isn't the only reason obviously. You are trying to do too much as you say and not having enough alone time. What do you do for relaxation? Have you ever gone for any therapy to work through everything and help yourself? At present obviously that is a difficult thing to find as we are all isolating and not doing anything face to face. But it might be an idea for the future. I would strongly consider this.
 
B

Black Despondency

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2020
Messages
277
Location
United states
You could talk to a psychologist eventually you will probably need to be in person to process trauma. It sounds like you might have some other issues to work on before trauma. As I would imagine you know how intense trauma processing can be.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Jan 25, 2012
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Hi FrozenBear and :welcome: to the forum.

I'm sorry to hear about the trauma you've suffered in the past, and that things are on a downward spiral for you at the moment. I'm glad you've joined up here, and hopefully you'll find people here are a community you can gain support and advice from, we're a pretty friendly bunch :)

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and stress.
I'm hoping I can get some guidance on what board to post in.
There's a section specifically for Anxiety. Or if you wanted to post more generally about your mental or emotional distress, there's Mental Health Experiences.

The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder section covers any issues resulting from trauma you may have experienced, not just PTSD.

:peace:
 
F

FrozenBear23

New member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Nashville
Thanks for the responses gang.

Calypso: Thanks for the welcome greeting. I have seen many therapists back when I was a kid (between the ages of 10 and 17) but most of them were utterly useless and unhelpful. I am generally a skeptic of therapists and ironically married a counselor, and while I think she does great work, I've yet to meet another one I respect. I've seen three in the course of the last three years, all of them sucked. My wife is currently looking for a new one for me (remote), and my mother is paying for my therapy so it doesn't place additional financial burden on the household as we are already struggling due to a number of extenuating circumstances. As far as alone time and relaxation time, that doesn't really exist for me. Any time I spend alone is working on a project and any "relaxation" time is with the wife. Otherwise, I am basically busy every hour of the day, which is likely an issue. Today I've attempted just relaxing a little bit, but didn't really get much alone time today as the wife wanted me to spend some time with her outside. I have mostly unplugged from social media for the day, aside from responding to direct messages about upcoming projects.

Black Despondency: I really don't believe I need to be in person to help process trauma as some of the most enlightening and helpful personal growth discussions I've had in my life have been over the phone, so I'm mildly optimistic at the prospect of remote therapy in that there is the potential for it to be fruitful if the therapist is a good one, but given my prior experience, I'm not going to assume that will be the solution and am hoping support groups may offer more beneficial feedback. I've analyzed my trauma pretty intensely and have acknowledged it, but the healing hasn't really fully kicked in, as I've tied my identity and success to healing the trauma as opposed to keeping them separate. Using humor, art, civic activism, charity work, etc. to help justify it as part of the canon of my life has been useful in getting me as far as I did in life, but it's not enough for me to fully heal and move forward.

AliceinWonderland: Thanks for the greeting and the info of what boards specifically to look into. Upon doing some reading, it appears like anxiety is one of my big issues, less in the self-esteem and how other views me department but very much so in constant fear of the future. Previous bouts with childhood trauma and homelessness in early adult life have made me hyper paranoid of falling into a bad place where it hasn't crippled my ability to act but it has made me much more prone to my mood swings and intense emotional distress.
 
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