figuring myself out

[swan]

Hello, I just joined.
I'm interested in knowing what people think about a couple of issues I have..I'm 20 and have been experiencing some scary emotions over the past year or so. I occasionally get uncontrollably angry at myself and am terrified that I'll lash out and hurt people I love, or even strangers in the street. It used to come on every couple of days but it seems to have calmed down a bit. I also go through spells of intense sadness and self-loathing and feel as though nothing I do can possibly ease it. When this happens I sometimes hit myself in the face/bash my head on things and cut myself as a way of dissipating the negativity. This lasts 2 days at most and the rest of the time I feel fine, sometimes better than fine, like I am superior to everyone and everything on earth, infallible.
I have been keeping a diary in the hope that I'll see a pattern in these moods but there doesn't seem to be one. I was convinced it was just severe pmt but it doesn't seem to correlate.
It's been driving me crazy because after a bad spell I'll feel as though I should go to a doctor and try and figure out what's going on but it never lasts long enough to seem like it's of any significance, so haven't ever gone (doesn't help that I'm scared of doctors and of being put on medication). Recently I've also been having suicidal thoughts and they've really scared me. I'd love to feel as though I'm not just making a big deal out of something that's normal but I can't see what could be wrong.

Any insight would be a great help.
Thanks,
Swan

 

[iffybob]

Hi

Sorry , I have just noticed you, I am usualy pritty busy on here.

I have just read what you have writtern.

If you have not done so already go see your GP, take you diary, and print of anything you feel relevent you have writtern on here.

If you need meds for a while, its ok, many people do, some of the stronger ones do zombie, but alot of the low dose one will just mellow you out, if you are perscribe meds, ask what they do and how the affect you, that is your right to ask and get a reply.

You could do with some counciling, your GP will arrange that, they may want you to see a psychiatrist or psychologyst for assesment, dont worry about that it is standard procedure.

You do need some proffesional help, the longer you leave this the worst it will get, so the sooner thet better........

Take care .... boB .....

 

[swan]

Thanks for the advice. After spending quite a bit of time on this forum i feel i've given myself enough reasons to see a doctor. I really hated the idea at first but the more i think about it the less i feel i have to lose.

 

[iffybob]

No prob

I think we all start like that.

Yes go see your GP, you have nothing at all to lose.....

take care ......... boB........

 

[freshy]

I think it definitly helps to know that there are people out there that experience the same signs and symptoms.

The first initial step is usually the worst. There are many treatments out there. I hope you find one that works great for you.