i’m a 20 year old female who has been sexually aroused by sexual assault since i was around 8 years old and saw my first rape video on the internet. i have been sexually assaulted before but this has been going on since before that happened. over the years the thoughts have been growing more intense and more disturbing and they cloud my brain sometimes. i can’t get off without an assault/violent element in my sexual experiences. the thoughts are becoming too much and i almost want to put myself in a situation in hopes of getting assaulted. how do i get through these thoughts? what is wrong with me?