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Felt like it was the end...

Jrick35

Jrick35

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Anyone that deals with harm OCD knows that the feeling and the thoughts can feel so real that you may think you're actually capable of committing the thoughts. Its a terrible, gut-wrenching feeling and its hard sometimes to pull yourself out of it. Even now Iam sitting at my desk shaking, waiting for the feeling to past. It can feel like its over; like you're not going to make it. "You're not strong enough to beat it; just give in, you're a terrible person for even thinking those thoughts." It can be a cycle. But Im still here and refused to let my thoughts ruin my life. If its going to be a battle then Ill fight tooth and nail to make sure I get stronghold on my thoughts. We are not our thoughts. We are not what OCD says we are. If anyone knows about the battle, please don't give up. "This too shall pass....."
 
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chargrillwon

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Do they feel like intrusive thoughts? Like your mind is battling these wholly unwanted thoughts coming from somewhere else ?
 
Jrick35

Jrick35

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Do they feel like intrusive thoughts? Like your mind is battling these wholly unwanted thoughts coming from somewhere else ?
Yes, that's exactly what it is. Been dealing with it for months. Comes and goes but sometimes it can be very stressful
 
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chargrillwon

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is it related to anxiety? Like it comes when you’re feeling anxious ? Or you feel anxious when it comes? Understandably ?
 
Jrick35

Jrick35

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Both; sometimes Ill be fine watching tv then boom, thoughts take over and Im anxious or Im anxious about something and the thoughts come barging in
 
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chargrillwon

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alright and you’re at school or work desk ?
 
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chargrillwon

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I’ve experienced some of that before too (with the real paranoia that my thoughts were being broadcasted to the whole world) and what’s comforted me is that you aren’t those negative thoughts. You are the positive thoughts battling them. Like I’m no expert but I think part of electro chemical imbalances has to do with magnetics. Does it ever feel like the thoughts are like a negatively charged magnetic thing in your mind? Like they come in similar to magnetic attraction. Like maybe some negative magnetic field is created and then they are “attracted” in unwantingly? Does this make any sense ?
 
Jrick35

Jrick35

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Make perfect sense and I honeslty feel that way. I know the type of person I am and who Ive been. Ive never hurt anyone or wanted hurt anyone. Its like my mind sometimes just goes there for no reason
 
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chargrillwon

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I know what that’s like. Do you ever in any way have an almost “curious” fear in relation to this phenomenon you experience?
 
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chargrillwon

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Like sometimes I would maybe go out of my way to “poke the bear” just to regret it after but still I would persist. Kind of like you’re trying to scientifically study the phenomenon.
 
Jrick35

Jrick35

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Thats a way to describe it. I certainly dont want to find out nor am I curious enough to even engage it but it feels like depression
 
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chargrillwon

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Ok so this feels pretty debilitating for you ?
 
Jrick35

Jrick35

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Yes it is, I find relief in my belief of Jesus Christ and know at the end of the day ill be okay.....just sometimes the feeling itself and be a bit much
 
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chargrillwon

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are you on any meds or using any substances at the moment? Just curious, not accusatory.
 
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