Feelings creeping back....

PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Feb 20, 2019
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133
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Northern Ireland
#1
It’s veen many years thankfully since I have done anything to harm myself. I think about 4 years, but the feelings are always there (low-key) and subconsciously I sometimes dream of it.

More recently, the thoughts have been getting stronger due to stress, increasing anxiety and depression. I’m trying my best to resist, and I am proud I haven’t.

My biggest worry is there’s, I don’t know the right way to put it, more at stake now? When I used to, yes it hurt those around me but I could easily hide it by always wearing long sleeves and such.
Now however it’s been many years since I’ve permanently hidden my arms with long sleeves (or armwarmers) so people would notice that. My fiancé would of course notice, and I’m also a step-mum to one now. So I have to think of my step-child and how they would react (they are very young)

People may say it’s disgusting I’d even think of such things being a “mum” but I am trying to resist! So far I’m holding out, but I am worried I won’t be able to stay strong enough even for my fiancé and step-child

I don’t even know if I am asking for help, advise or anything. This is the first time I have verbalised these feeling properly and it kind of helps just doing that....
 
Soul_Deeps

Soul_Deeps

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Aug 31, 2017
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Germany
#2
I know it's not the same, but have you tried finding other ways of dealing with such feelings? Things which are probably not self damaging.
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Feb 20, 2019
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Northern Ireland
#3
I do things like crochet, read and gaming. I am limited in what I can do as I have fibromyalgia (yeah you’d think I was in enough pain...)
I write sometimes just to myself, and in a blog.

It’s all been helping, but now it’s starting not to. My PIP got declined at appeal, so I am starting that again. Family issues and more things. I’m just dealing with more at once that I have had to in a long time.
 
Soul_Deeps

Soul_Deeps

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#4
Yea, fibromyalgia sucks... Doing sports would be something that can help a lot :/ What does PIP mean? Sorry, I am not a native English speaker.

Have you tried things that do hurt but don't do actual damage? Like those spikey massage balls, rubberbands or eating things which an incredibly high scoville amount?
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
133
Location
Northern Ireland
#5
I can’t do sports, I can only walk to the end of my street and I am in agony and soaking with sweat. That is if my anxiety even lets me leave the house.

I love spicy food, the hotter the better for me haha!

That’s ok PIP is just the benefit I’ve been trying to get because of my fibromyalgia and the many symptoms I have. It took over a year for them to make a decision and now I have to start again
 
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