feeling worse today

[KP1]

I feel more depressed angry and frustrated with my self today than I have been for afew weeks now and starting to feel more suicidal.Trying to stop AD's last week was not a good idea and drinking lots of wine as now feel bad.I need some moral support and plenty od distractions through the forum to get through the next few days. Does anyone eles feel as stupid and cross with them selves as me and unable to talk to people????

 

[Dollit]

I think that's one of the things that frustrates me more about depression than anything else is the fact that it takes away my ability to communicate and then I get angry and people think I'm being angry at them and they get pissy and on the cycle goes.

Trying to stop antids on your own isn't good and wine doesn't help - at best you get a hangover and at worst it makes the depression worse.

What do you do with your days at the moment?

 

[nickh]

Does anyone eles feel as stupid and cross with them selves as me and unable to talk to people????

Yes KP .

Seriously one of the things I really hate about depression (and I know everyone's experience is different) is how stupid it makes me. This makes me unable to do things which I love doing - reading serious/intelligent books, writing, thinking, hell even watching serious TV. Depression dumbs me down and the worse the attack the dumber I get (and I get literally dumb too - unable to talk). I used to get really angry with myself and guilty and beat myself about it - now I try hard not to do that because that only makes it worse. Not saying I succeed but I try . Doesn't make me hate it any the less though. My only suggestion of a coping strategy (and this is mine so I'm not saying it would work for anyone else) is to do whatever you can - in my case video games have been a bit of a salvation, they offer just enough mental stimulus that I can cope with (of course I am not talking about when I am really in the pit but when I am moderately depressed).

Nick.

 

[Michael]

Agree with you totally Nick

Michael

 

[KP1]

It's really good that people understand what I mean on this forum cause I don't think my family do.
I spend my time trying to look after the house cook and family(although its a complete mess at the moment) and ferrying teenage children around. I used to work full time and having to give up the job because I couldn't in the end cope was the right decision but still difficult to come to terms with(feel afailure etc) and has given us more problems.
When I feek suicidal I can't believe it but even having children is not a "protective" factor any more so doing my best to think my way out of this situation each time.I could ask for help but risk of this is if I am too honest it means a stay on an acute ward for a few days/week to keep safe which is acctually quite a detterent for me.
Why is life so complicated??? I would never have understood in a million years what people with severe depression go though before becoming ill my self last year.
Thanks for your messages keep talking its a big help.

 

[Michael]

Children usually equals a busy life with little of no time for yourself, or even time spent just you and your partner!
Dipping in and out of this site over a period of time has helped me by seeing how others have coped. I have picked up many little bits of information that when put together at a time when it suits me has really helped.
No quick fix, if there was this site wouldn't be here, but the nice thing is that it makes me (or you?) feel not alone, as the day progresses and my mood varies with it I can by just reading a few threads feel more human and able to cope again.

I have to find things that work for me, so no point in me or anyone saying do this or do that and you will be fine, they can only say what works for them, by trying them out you can see what works for you, any modifications - well you can make them, and hopefully tell us all as your fixes might just be the ones someone else (ME!) might just be looking for!

Best Wishes
Hope you come along with us for the ride of life!

Michael

 

[Dollit]

KP - can't add to anything Nick & Michael have said today - they are both spot on. Wise men.

 

[KP1]

Thanks everyone. I feel better now that at 4am this morning think I'll go and have acup of tea and swiss roll before the next teen taxi run.

 

[Michael]

Jam or Chocolate??

Michael

 

[KP1]

oh no its coffee flavour I hate that!

 

[yakuza]

I feel more depressed angry and frustrated with my self today than I have been for afew weeks now and starting to feel more suicidal.Trying to stop AD's last week was not a good idea and drinking lots of wine as now feel bad.I need some moral support and plenty od distractions through the forum to get through the next few days. Does anyone eles feel as stupid and cross with them selves as me and unable to talk to people????

Many people suffering with depression share your feelings of isolation KP1.
Trying to find some kind of day to day routine can be very helpful and rewarding although drinking heavily will obviously disrupt any routine.

I believe you may benefit from giving yourself say 3 'constructive' targets per day,space them out and do not try to do too much at once and if you find that you cannot quite manage a particular task don't beat yourself up about it,just put it aside for another time.

Good luck with everything

 

[KP1]

pressing the self destruct button again as have started another bottle of wine as have no will power.I can't cope with these low feeling still can't cry though so must be inhuman or something

 

[Dollit]

Not crying is a symptom of depression as much as crying is. It's a condition of paradoxes. The wine isn't going to do any good. Why not just not buy any?

 

[KP1]

I know you are right about the wine but I need it.I feel that not being able to cry makes me look as if I'vre got frozen emotions. I go to art therapy each week and feel worse when I come out than when I go in as I must seem such a horrible person.Then I'm scared of it stopping and not getting any help as I know its a scare resoruce on the NHSWhy is life so difficult?
It is really nice to be able to talk to people on this forum "safely" and without people being judgemental.My opinions on mental health are really changing as a result of the empathy that there is on here.
Dollit you are excellent in the advice thaft you give people while dealing with ypour own problems

 

[Dollit]

One of the police guys I work with would tell you that I was so depressed when he first met me I couldn't even look him in the eye. He was away from the beat for a while and when he came back I'd become stable and he said it was me but new me - he understood the depression and was thrilled with the change. People understand far more than you think. Don't worry about what people think of you, the real people, the ones worth having in your life will know the truth and embrace the real you. And if you think you need the wine then it's time to stop - and I speak as one who, with a bit of luck, will be celebrating 17 years of sobriety on the 23rd April.