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Feeling Very Fragile

valleygirl

valleygirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2015
Messages
1,927
Location
Valley of dry bones
I don't really know why I am feeling this way. But since Halloween I was counting down the weeks, and then the days until Christmas break. By the time we were down to 1 week I was barely holding on by a thread. At the end of that week, on Friday night, I slept 14 hours. Counting weekends, I have a total of 11 days break from work, and honestly, I wish I didn't have to go back. In this moment, I cannot even muster the courage to type the words that would explain my work situation, because I feel like I would fall apart. Suffice it to say that my coworker is very manipulative in a deceptively "nice," smiley way. If I am still feeling this way about her when I go back to work next Tuesday it will be only a matter of time before I explode.

The other thing at work is the noise. With one entire wall made of floor to ceiling mirrors, noise bounces all over the room. I have worked in other child care settings - noisy rooms - but nothing beats where I work now for noise, and there are only maximum 8 toddlers. I feel like the noise is a big issue affecting my mental health right now. I feel like I have shattered like a car windshield, and one more impact will have glass falling everywhere.
 
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GeofftheMathematician

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2018
Messages
20
Location
Massachusetts
If your job is bothering you you can always look for a new job! I believe you are strong and can get through anything in this life.

Don't let your coworker manipulate you, stand up for yourself and be clever.

You can do the thing!

Geoff
 
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Lowkeycraycray

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2018
Messages
9
So the glass windshield breaks...

It’s safety glass. There’s just glass everywhere but it’s not particularly sharp or dangerous.

That’s not meant to belittle how you feel the situation will turn out, but trying to illustrate - in your own symbolism - that the expected outcome probably isn’t what you think it will be. People sometimes fall into these fatalistic ways of thinking and moreso will the bad outcome to occur than blunder into it by chance or poor choices.

But a new job is likely in order. Even if you don’t think you can - scribble out the steps of finding a new job and force yourself to take a step every day or so. I’m betting it’ll be a lot more enjoyable to be like “haha, I’m getting out of this crap fest” than to think “oh no I’m stuck here and if I lose it I’ll be on the street.”

Oh, and identify your own internal crazy talk. It’s chemical, it’s crazy, and if you can identify it you can work with it. Like the whole “I can’t bear to describe my work situation” is very much irrational and way out of proportion. It just is. You have to identify when you’re doing that sort thing internally and accept it for what it is and then make good life choices knowing what you’re feeling isn’t right/real/proper. Good news is that it’s not permanent and with time you will look back on it more realistically. You just have to accept for now that you are not seeing things clearly and to make decisions knowing you are not impartial - so err on the side of caution.
 
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