feeling very alone and useless

[nicros]

I am having a bad couple of days atm, I am 40 and struggling to look after 2 young kids and my husband who has been on the sick for 8 months now and now needs another op. I cannot see him going back to work this year. We have been together for 10 years and are soul mates but have been arguing because of his constant pain and tiredness (he has a hernia) and my GAD and no family to help us out locally, so I never get a break. I only feel free of stress when I am out with my dog or looking after my rabbits or guinea pigs.
I feel really selfish atm because I desperately want another puppy because I need to be needed. This need is overwhelming and it is not just a whim, I have looked into it thoroughly and have the time and live in a big house in the countryside and don't work so it would be ideal. My kids are 6 and 8 years old and also love animals and really want another one. We have fostered a couple but did not adopt because our dog was nervous of them but I know that a pup is a good option. My dog is 19 months now. It sounds selfish and fickle to my husband because he thinks it will be hassle and expense but having lost my mum when I was 18 and my dad is old and quite ill and my sister is sucicidal and it is only a matter of time for her as she is so ill with alcoholism etc. This is my way of coping I cannot think of anything I would rather have than a helpless puppy looking at me and loving me and not judging me. I have spent the last 2 days in tears and I don't feel able to cope atm as this year has been so hard with my husband and a close friend died in feb, I don't feel I can get out of this feeling this time. I usually pull myself together but I'm scared this time as I am not feeling any better than yesterday. I am on venlafaxine 75mg and I know if I go to the Dr they will put it up but the side effects are not nice and I don't want to do this but it may be my only option as everyone in my family relies on me so I have to keep going, does anyone else ever feel like this? does anyone have 2 dogs and copes still? I feel at a loss and cannot think of anthing but how good I could feel with a new puppy, sorry for ranting on Nicola

 

[ms_P]

Hi Nicros. I understand the healing benefits of animals, but they are a huge responsibility too.
As you say, you are struggling to look after two young kids and your husband. Are you really certain that the added responsibility of raising and training a dog is what you need right now? They aren't cute puppies forever and if not properly trained they will only become an extra sourse of stress.
This is all my own humble opinion and what you do is totally up to you.
I for one try not to make such big decisions when I'm feeling low and out of sorts with myself.

ps..."ranting" is allowed. Have you tried starting a journal here? Sometimes re-reading something of your own gives great insite into how to deal with what's going on in your life. It does one good to get things out in the open and lightens the load.

 

[nicros]

Hi thanks for that ms p, yes that is good advice, not to make a discission when I am having a bad time. I feel much better today and even though I would still love a puppy I can see that its not a good idea, my husband helped me through this yesterday but even though I knew he was right sometimes when I'm stuck down my 'hole of dispare' I find it hard to listen to logic. The main problem is that I feel a bit isolated with my feelings atm as I'm the one who everyone is relying on, and I haven't got any help. I lost my mum and my dad is old and too far away, Marc's family are over an hour away and work full time. I have a lot of good friends but they too have committments so I cannot really have a break or let someone else take some of the strain. I am starting to feel symptoms of tiredness myself such as migraines and constant thrush, I am so rundown. I have a health worker but this is the 3rd one as they all seem to be on temp contracts and she's not as good as the others were. But I will ring her on monday and see her for some support. I don't really want to increase my venlafaxine as they make me sweat and feel sick so I'm not sure about going to the Dr, I can't do anything that will not enable me to care for my family.
Yesterday I scared myself as thats the closest I've come to cracking up I was so distressed I couldn't control my self and I was scared stiff about letting my family down, Nicola

 

[nicros]

Well I have made an appointment to see my link worker next week and I have been to the Dr today and I'm increasing my venlafaxine from 75 to 150mg from tonight, so hope that will not take too many weeks to kick in. My dog hurt her leg 2 days ago and got in such a state after going to the vets that she suffered a massive panic attack at home and had to go back to the vets as an emergency to have some vallium to calm her down. This has made me realise that another dog is not a good idea as she is so highly strung anyway so I couldn't bare to stress her out or make her unhappy. Nicola