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Feeling ungrateful for everything

G

garedles2

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Middle-Eastern Europe
Hey,

I feel like a burden for others. I just feel like everyone is so kind and helpful towards me. Especially my parents who help me a lot and would do everything in order for me to feel okay, to feel loved and to give me anything I could ever imagine. But then there comes me, who gets angry or grumpy at silly and petty things people sometimes do, and it kills everything. All the joy of the moment disappears and everyone is sad or nervous because of me.

Then at night, out of nowhere I begin to think about it all and feel that I'm so bad towards these people who do so much good for me. And that it would be better for them if I disappeared and would no longer be a grumpy burden for anyone.

I'm really trying to change and not be so irritated and grumpy. But in the end my restraints just get loose and I become who I was before once again.

My parents are rather old and I'm feeling very guilty that I don't spend much time with them and don't help them as much as I wish I could. And then I get panic attacks because of the thought of my parents dying and me being an ungrateful son. I sometimes even begin crying in the evenings when no one can see me or late in the night because of all this.

I'm exhausted by this. I have no idea how much longer I can endure it.

How can I successfully change myself or at least suppress these awful thoughts?

Thanks a lot!
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,171
Location
nowhere
Maybe you're not comfortable when things go ok so you sabotage it. You're not used to it and you're more comfortable with being grumpy and angry. Maybe you're afraid you'll stop getting their attention if everything's ok.
Parent's getting old is tough but we can't stop it. Treasure the time you have with them.
 
Avolitionist

Avolitionist

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
328
Location
USA
Do more for your parents. Be who you wished you were in the evenings when you feel down. It would do a lot for your self confidence and burn off a bit of energy so maybe you would be less anxious.
 
A

Am33

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
153
Location
Fiji
As therapy would teach you its not really YOU who is grumpy angry its your ego . You have to understand our ego is a self defense mechanism in our minds that protects us from this chaotic world . When we aren't conscious of our ego it takes over our actions . By being mindful of what we are doing thinking before we talk speaking from the heart we can control the ego . You can do affirmations to bind your ego they are out there . Tell yourself you are grateful everything and tell your parents too you will feel better it works .
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,541
Location
Nashua NH
I’d change your thoughts that you are a bad son into a desire to be better. Call your parents just to chat. Tell them that you love them. Go to visit and bring something nice like food or flowers. Apologize for having been grumpy in the past. Let them know how much you appreciate them. Choose to be less grumpy in the future. We are all grownups and our behavior is the result of our choices. If you would like to be better then make a different choice. xo, j
 
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