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Feeling uncomfortable, like crying, and like the awkward turtle at Youth Organization I go to

A

Azngrl

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Joined
Apr 23, 2020
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4
Location
Vancouver, BC Canada
😢 I go to a youth organization. It's a great resource for me. The last three times I've gone, I've been feeling quite down and withdrawn. When other participants come and they talk to each other and seem to know each other, I don't feel as comfortable as them. I started thinking thoughts like I am different, that is why I can't talk to them and don't feel comfortable talking to them. I start thinking I am not the same because I am not talking to them. It's not just as simple as "Just go talk to them and say hi" and that will fix the problem, NO. I am this Asian kid who doesn't smoke, or do marijuana so I don't have as much in common with the other participants who go there. When I feel alone, and like this way, I feel sad and I feel like crying. I start to withdraw and feel frozen. The feeling is so overwhelming, it's debilitating. I can't even ask for what I need from the staff there when I feel this way. My distress thermometer is past 10, which is really high. When it feels this awful, I sometimes think about not going to the youth organization anymore because I can't bare the feeling. But it is a good resource, so I can't really avoid going there cause I need it. I just feel like all alone when everyone else there is talking to each other, but I don't feel comfortable talking to most of the people there. Then, I start to feel sad and I start withdrawing and I just feel like crying. I start paying attention to how I look. Like I feel awkward and uncomfortable. Does anyone have any advice for me?
 
R

Rex Smith

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Actually that is the advice. Go over and say, hi I'm _______ .

Small talk is a annoying but necessary to begin conversations or when introducing yourself. If you keep to yourself others might think you don't want to be bothered or around them.

Start by talking to someone that talks the least of the group, if jumping right in is difficult. Then don't go to the ones that never shuts up. They will talk your ear off. Don't worry if you're not a big talker, there's always someone that talks all the time. Smile and laugh with everyone else and that's it.

Every group has a main leader, spot that person and give them a compliment. Everyone enjoys a compliment or recognized for something. Agree with them on what they are talking about.
 
Talina

Talina

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Hi Azngrl, sometimes it can feel you don’t have a lot of common with people. But it can suprise you that at least a few have something in common.

You can try doing small talk with someone, myself find it easier doing small talk with people that aren’t in big groups. But it took a while for me to get there. I just got tired not being able to talk with people. I’m still struggling but small talking I have helped me find a friend but also being able to get into groups for short while. I try to muffle out my insecurities and it becomes easier after some time to handle 😅

I start conversation which is common and slowly learn if they have something in common with me. Then I just adapt after that, don’t need to be many things in common. Just one small topic and you have found an opening. But I know how hard it can be to strike a conversation with people.

I hope other people can give you other advices which can help you.
 
J

jordan84

Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2021
Messages
21
😢 I go to a youth organization. It's a great resource for me. The last three times I've gone, I've been feeling quite down and withdrawn. When other participants come and they talk to each other and seem to know each other, I don't feel as comfortable as them. I started thinking thoughts like I am different, that is why I can't talk to them and don't feel comfortable talking to them. I start thinking I am not the same because I am not talking to them. It's not just as simple as "Just go talk to them and say hi" and that will fix the problem, NO. I am this Asian kid who doesn't smoke, or do marijuana so I don't have as much in common with the other participants who go there. When I feel alone, and like this way, I feel sad and I feel like crying. I start to withdraw and feel frozen. The feeling is so overwhelming, it's debilitating. I can't even ask for what I need from the staff there when I feel this way. My distress thermometer is past 10, which is really high. When it feels this awful, I sometimes think about not going to the youth organization anymore because I can't bare the feeling. But it is a good resource, so I can't really avoid going there cause I need it. I just feel like all alone when everyone else there is talking to each other, but I don't feel comfortable talking to most of the people there. Then, I start to feel sad and I start withdrawing and I just feel like crying. I start paying attention to how I look. Like I feel awkward and uncomfortable. Does anyone have any advice for me?
hi 😊 sorry I don't have the best advice to give but I can say I too feel like the awkward turtle and am the one who doesn't speak or talk to others and stuff, actually I wouldn't even be at an event to talk to others in the first place hehe but if I was I would be just the same and it makes me sad too being left out whilst other people talk and mix and stuff. All I can say is I'm assuming because you said it's a youth organization that you are going too then you must still be quite young? Then you have many years to improve with things and don't do what I have done and leave it too long as it can make it more difficult 😖 although I still hope to be able to get better at talking to people one day 😊 good luck very much 😊
 
Blooming

Blooming

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Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
426
Location
mycountry
Hi Azngrl, may be you will get some ideas if you google 'small talk' at Amazon. Small talk are usually ice breakers. Every group have one or more centers. One or more people is seen as leaders. They seem happy and OK and set some norms. You don't have to be among the most popular to fit in. Look for the silent ones at first, present yourself ("Hi, can I sit here ..."). Try to pick a topic you can something about and see if you get a response. If not, try another topic. If you still don't get a response, smile and say: "I hope I can be excused, but I want to go and buy a Coke (or something) else".

It is important to understand that there can be other people there that don't feel comfortable. To not get a good responding back does not mean that you are a failure. Just try another person to talk to next time.

When it comes to the not smoking pot or similar, just say: "No I am not a user, but you are free to use if you want to ... It does not bother me". (Try it first in front of a mirror, so you are sure that you look confident whan sahying it). If the person insist that you have to try, may be you have to look around and see if there is another group that will be better for you. Wish you good luck! :)
 

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