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Feeling uncomfortable, like crying, and like the awkward turtle at Youth Organization I go to

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Azngrl

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Vancouver, BC Canada
😢 I go to a youth organization. It's a great resource for me. The last three times I've gone, I've been feeling quite down and withdrawn. When other participants come and they talk to each other and seem to know each other, I don't feel as comfortable as them. I started thinking thoughts like I am different, that is why I can't talk to them and don't feel comfortable talking to them. I start thinking I am not the same because I am not talking to them. It's not just as simple as "Just go talk to them and say hi" and that will fix the problem, NO. I am this Asian kid who doesn't smoke, or do marijuana so I don't have as much in common with the other participants who go there. When I feel alone, and like this way, I feel sad and I feel like crying. I start to withdraw and feel frozen. The feeling is so overwhelming, it's debilitating. I can't even ask for what I need from the staff there when I feel this way. My distress thermometer is past 10, which is really high. When it feels this awful, I sometimes think about not going to the youth organization anymore because I can't bare the feeling. But it is a good resource, so I can't really avoid going there cause I need it. I just feel like all alone when everyone else there is talking to each other, but I don't feel comfortable talking to most of the people there. Then, I start to feel sad and I start withdrawing and I just feel like crying. I start paying attention to how I look. Like I feel awkward and uncomfortable. Does anyone have any advice for me?
 
Rex Smith

Rex Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
478
Location
San Diego
Actually that is the advice. Go over and say, hi I'm _______ .

Small talk is a annoying but necessary to begin conversations or when introducing yourself. If you keep to yourself others might think you don't want to be bothered or around them.

Start by talking to someone that talks the least of the group, if jumping right in is difficult. Then don't go to the ones that never shuts up. They will talk your ear off. Don't worry if you're not a big talker, there's always someone that talks all the time. Smile and laugh with everyone else and that's it.

Every group has a main leader, spot that person and give them a compliment. Everyone enjoys a compliment or recognized for something. Agree with them on what they are talking about.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
697
Location
Sweden
Hi Azngrl, sometimes it can feel you don’t have a lot of common with people. But it can suprise you that at least a few have something in common.

You can try doing small talk with someone, myself find it easier doing small talk with people that aren’t in big groups. But it took a while for me to get there. I just got tired not being able to talk with people. I’m still struggling but small talking I have helped me find a friend but also being able to get into groups for short while. I try to muffle out my insecurities and it becomes easier after some time to handle 😅

I start conversation which is common and slowly learn if they have something in common with me. Then I just adapt after that, don’t need to be many things in common. Just one small topic and you have found an opening. But I know how hard it can be to strike a conversation with people.

I hope other people can give you other advices which can help you.
 
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