- Jun 9, 2021
I'm having a difficult time leaving my past behind me. I remember one time when I was 13 years old, a much older teenager came up to me in a parking lot and started to fondle my breast. I pushed him away and ran home but I had no one to turn to for support. My father was physically abusive and emotionally detached and my mother had untreated paranoid schizophrenia and capgras syndrome where she thought I was a clone of her "real" daughter. The only way I knew how to survive was to keep quiet. I actually had my first manic episode after this. I ran away from home a lot to cope with my parents. Its been 13 years since my mother died and I rarely speak to my father who has moved on with his life and seems to be happy now. But I can't let go and I wonder if maybe this is part of the reason why my depressions are so hard to treat. I have done a couple years of CBT and it helped a bit but not really. I can't do anymore because my hospital where I am being treated wanted to make room for other patients (I live in Canada so some therapy is covered by the government but no where near enough). I can't afford to go to a private psychologist. Does anyone have any advice on letting go. I am currently working through a self help workbook on Internal Family Systems therapy. Its been bringing things up that I didn't remember clearly but I can't seem to let this one go. There is no resolution. My mother is dead so I can't talk to her about it and my father has moved on and refuses to talk about the past. I feel lost.