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Feeling the need to commit suicide?

L

lexi96

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Joined
Feb 17, 2015
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Hi everyone,

I am an 18 year old student and, my life seems to be absolutely fine. I have a loving family, boyfriend and my bestfriend who are always there for me. I've had anxiety for at least 5 years and depression for most of it, but lately it has become more than that.

I don't have the energy in me to get up of bed, go to uni or even to do normal things that used to excite me like music which is my greatest passion. Sleeping seems to also be an issue as I can not get myself to fall asleep and often just lay there wondering how to and end up falling asleep around 5 or 5 am. This results in me often not getting up in time for lectures and spending all day in bed as I just refuse to get up. I have this anger and sadness inside of me that really doesn't seem to be caused by anything. I've lost all self confidence.
I have been to the GP and they've prescribed me anxiety tablets (Propranolol) and more recently some anti-depressants (Sertraline). A uni therapist also has given me slots to see me every week but I just seem to miss them due to having a bad memory and being always tired.

I keep doing things to act on anger and hit things; sometimes myself (never others) until I feel enough pain, pull my hair so that it hurts and worse like overdosing slightly on medicine or self harming but knowing that it isn't enough to committing suicide. I am afraid that I am getting closer and gaining the courage to kill myself and I need something to stop me. Something to get out of this mess. I have been considering turning myself to a psychiatric hospital but is that really the way out?

Anyone got any advice?

Thanks in advance.
 
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Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Hi lexi, welcome to the forum.

I can understand having had these problems for a while and by the sound of things not got much relief, that things have gotten worse to the point you are at now :hug:

Have you told your doctor just how bad you are feeling? Also I'm wondering with the tiredness and problems sleeping, if you have had yourself checked out physically? As there are some physical conditions that can cause excessive tiredness or problems sleeping.

Are you able to contact the therapist and ask for an later appointment, maybe they could text you a reminder? I know some NHS clinics do that.

You might not necessarily need to be an inpatient in hospital, but possibly your GP could refer you to someone who is a bit more specialised, like a psychologist or psychiatrist who would have more experience and might be able to suggest something else, for instance specific psychotherapy or tweak your meds.

I think it's really important if you are feeling close to suicide that you do talk to someone about it, the thing with taking regular ODs is that even if by themselves they are not enough to kill you, you can get a cumulative effect. Not trying to scare you, but think you might want to be aware of this.

Do you feel able to approach your GP again?

If you're really feeling suicidal you can contact NHS 111 or the Samaritans out of hours

Contact us | Samaritans
 
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