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Feeling stuck in everything...

F

Fruityyy

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2020
Messages
1
Location
USA
Idk where to begin, but I’m 27 years old. I use to go to therapy and was clinically diagnosed with depression and bad anxiety. I feel like majority of my life has been okay, but I think a lot of my past (like many) has really influenced who I am today. The biggest issue that I still kinda deal with today is a part of my life that I don’t really talk about with anyone except when I was in therapy. When I was little my parents fought a lot. Around the age of 10 y/o my dad left us to be with another woman and her family. At the time, we didn’t know where he was so my mom reported him as a missing person. A year later, the cops found him. Refused to talk to us, but around year and half mark came back into our lives. I remember him leaving us and basically having to move houses a lot bc my mom had no money (my mom was a stay at home mother bc my dad was really controlling and didn’t want her to work). I went to 3 diff schools in 1 year. Bullied really badly (idk why). I am a really shy, ugly awkward person. So that’s probs why. Now, to present day...things are somewhat okay with my parents. I don’t live with them because I can’t deal with fighting or negative stuff. But I live with my grandmother who I take care of. I don’t make enough money to live on my own. I tried college twice. Struggled horribly in community college and dropped out (hated my major). This year I felt somewhat confident in going back. And saved what I could with my job, which was taking one class. For once, I felt motivated and like this was the major I wanted. But I ended up failing the one class bc I couldn’t attend a zoom meeting and participate in a group project because of work. This is definitely my own fault, but I work as a full time nanny (9 hours a day). And it’s very hard to fit online class in there. I had explained to my professor my job stuff, but said she couldn’t help with the grading change, which again is okay because I’m responsible for my own duties. I guess it just sucks because I put so much time into it and to fail because I missed 2 project assignments. It’s like I’m stuck and no matter how much I try I can’t get out. I want to live on my own because I’m an adult, but financially can’t. There is also guilt of leaving my grandmother, too. But living here is so depressing and I feel guilty for thinking this. I just want to live my life without struggling. And it feels like it might not happen and I’ll be in this position of struggling for the rest of my life, whereas everyone around me is moving up. What do I do? How do I get out this? I’m sorry for complaining...I’m just at my breaking point.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,531
Location
Sweden
Hi Fruity, it’s understandable your past still have an impact on you, I'm still learning how to handle mine. What you went through as a kid created an unsafe feeling and you didn't have stable ground to feel safe on when everything crashed down. Feelings of stability and safety are really important when growing up and I understand how it feels.

Maybe it would be good talking with a professional/therapy to let out your feelings. Also you shouldn’t feel quilty that you want to live alone and move out.

I don't really know how the college system works or if there a chance to change the grade by complementing the missed assignments with another group at a later time. But I hope you will get a few tips from other people on the forum which can help you.
 
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