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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

feeling sooo hopeless

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diddypinks

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i am soooo angry with the mental health system. i was diagnosed paranoid scitzophrenic about 4 months agao and havent been able to even speak on the phone to a cpn sinse i go on a lot of scitzophrenia chat rooms and everyones like cbt get help but i cant and its making me soo angry and frustrated i am leavivng them a message and then they are leavivng me a message and i have no support it feels like theyve just said heres your diagnosis no off you go what can i do? ive even written them a letter but nothing doing:mad:
 
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Apotheosis

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Maybe complain? The squeaky wheel does often get oiled.

I don't know exactly why; but some people get more help than others.

I can catalogue 20 years of horrendous treatment from services.

At the age of 17 after section, I was discharged from hospital, & after around 2 appointments in the community I was discharged from all services.

Then at 21 after another stay, I had slightly more support, but after a time was again on my own in the community & discharged from all services.

At age 25 I was sectioned again & labelled with 'paranoid schizophrenia' ~ shoved on very high doses of meds, had a couple of follow up appointments from the psych after discharge from hospital, & again discharged from all services.

Came of the meds a year later; was sectioned again, discharged, & then discharged from all services once again. After this last time of being discharged, I had no contact with services for 6 years. I went through 3 of the worst psychotic episodes that I have ever had, without any support from services. At one time; because I was registered with a GP in another county, I was refused any help in the area in which I was living, even from the GP service.

The past 4 years have been a bit different. I have gone on a bit more, & made slightly more of a case for myself. Support has still been woefully lacking, but slightly more has been done than in the past. It has been a case of a psychiatrist app every 3-4 months. & on occasion I have been allocated an OT. I went on at them for 2 years about psychological help; as I have never had any such help from them, despite wanting it the whole time (& still do). I finally got 12 odd sessions with an NHS psychologist ~ after close to 20 years of having had severe MH difficulties!!!

For the time being I have been told that any more psychological help is not suitable. I have been seeing an OT recently, & been attending an OT department. This is a recent drive by the MH 'team' to get me doing vocational work. The reasons for that, I do not think are solely motivated from a therapeutic perspective, but have just as much to do with politics, & policy change.

I hear some peoples stories, & they have had endless psychological help & support; & they appear to be very happy with the level of care, & assistance that they have received. I'm not one of them. My view of services is that they are abysmal.

I can't quite fathom why things have been like they have with me? Maybe it's because I have a critical & questioning mind? Or because of addiction issues? But dual diagnosis is not uncommon, & more like the norm.

I was told a number of times, after periods of trying to cope alone in the community; that I had fallen through the safety net. It took me a while to realise that there is no safety net, & that there was no real care for me, from services.

What do you do? It's hard. Sometimes I think that the services are there for those that comply to the entire ethos & perspectives that the psychiatric services want you to take on board. Med compliance, & obedient conformity, & coercing & controlling those that don't play their game? Maybe that is it. I learned early on to rationally state my case & perspectives, without arguing with them. Maybe that's why they drop me like a hot coal? I really don't know. I just imagined that psych services were crap for everyone, but some it seems do actually get helped. It's beyond me. :confused:
 
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dreambuggieII

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Hello there peeps,

An ironic story. I was asking a counsellor about 6 years which was part of my problem - apparently. Since my last episode its been verbally agreed that I have schizophrenia, but shucks, I haven't seen the certificate.

I've been offered CBT, but nothing has come to fruition yet. I myself, since reading up about "psychosis" am following a different path of "recovery".

I came across this chappess, who offers jungian therapy on the phone. If your looking for something analytical. I've found that counselling can help, even if it is just to let off steam. However, treating schizophrenia is a whole new ball game for most of them.

I don't have anyone really to rant to - but in actual fact, I do feel now that this ranting, should be done outside my life - ie get a professional and pay them.

I don't have much money, but people I've heard to negotiate on prices.

Here's the jungian lady:

http://www.jung-at-heart.com/jung_at_heart/

And heres counselling site where u can search for someone:

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/



Just an option.
 
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diddypinks

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why is it so bad?

i just feel outraged that this is happening to people! why isnt something done? i live in cornwall and i think it particulaly bad here. what do i do? basics i eat a lot of healthy food walk my dog maizie i HAVE to take my medication i am soooooo unwell if i dont i im on 100mg of seroquel and i took one hundred instead and i had a phycotic episode prior to writing that and i self harmed for the first time in a year i also havent drank alcohol in a year in november i KNOW i have been an alcoholic most of my life and most importantly i have an understanding family and boyfriend. i like to be alone at times and i like to be with people sometime its getting that balance right. i am getting my driving liscience back and had a reno clio for a long time which meant i could visit family and friends and go swimming which i love. my sister lives with me and we are close. i have written them a letter now and if they ignore that i will make a official complaint and go to my doctor again i too had 10 sessions of cbt a bit like pissing on a housefire! i think the system SUCKS and needs better managment stop rinking tea and chatting people we need you:D
 
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diddypinks

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ok i'm calm now lol

apothosis do you feel that this acceptable to you to be told that no more therapy is an option? why is it not available to you? thats what i want to know it like theyve got more important people to treat do you know anyone of them i dont lol WHO DECIDES WHO IS AT THE TOP OF THE LIST? i cant see democracy in this its like i function relativly well so weve gt more important people to deal with its not right. dual diagnosis another way to cut back on theyre caseload drinking is part of the illness for some people does that mean they should get any help?
 
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diddypinks

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dreambuggie thanks for your links how has jungian therapy helped you would you mind telling me a bit about it?diddy
 
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Apotheosis

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apothosis do you feel that this acceptable to you to be told that no more therapy is an option? why is it not available to you? thats what i want to know it like theyve got more important people to treat do you know anyone of them i dont lol WHO DECIDES WHO IS AT THE TOP OF THE LIST? i cant see democracy in this its like i function relativly well so weve gt more important people to deal with its not right. dual diagnosis another way to cut back on theyre caseload drinking is part of the illness for some people does that mean they should get any help?
As all of us are, & our situations, it is complex. As psychiatric patients ~ we don't have rights, & we don't have any genuine democratic choice. Any supposed rights & choices are phoney.

Simply - As you probably gathered from my posts - I am in opposition to orthodox psychiatric practices. The entire psychiatric system, should IMO be abolished, I think that it is beyond reform.

Yes, a few are helped with meds, but that does not negate the many that would be far better helped with other means. & drugging everyone & electrocuting their brains when drugging doesn't work, is to my mind something out of the dark ages; & that a few lost souls claim that they feel better with all of this treatment, doesn't convince me.

After 20 years I got see an NHS psychologist, & they were good. This psychologist did help me to see certain patterns that repeated from childhood. But it was also limited, & I was not allowed to explore at any depth the psychosis experiences. The simple fact, is that the approaches, methods & psychological help that I have always wanted, is not catered for or given on the NHS. Except maybe from a very tiny amount of practitioners, such as Rufus May ~

At the last psych app - I was told that the recommendation of the psychologist; was that I contemplate & integrate what we had discussed, & that I focus on vocational concerns, & filling my life up with more activities, before I look at psychological help again. What this basically means is that I should get voluntary work with a long term view to employment. This recent change in attitude with psychiatric services is socio-political, & has come about with changes in line with government policy, & with the governments aim of taking people off the long term sick - it is not motivated by any genuine therapeutic or healing concerns. Orthodox Psychiatry is a social control & engineering mechanism, it is not about any genuine healing.

Frankly - the entire thing makes me sick. Little of the way I have been treated, & how I am treated is acceptable to me. It is all a severe injustice. But that is the way the system is, & it's the way mainstream society is. What else do I do except to try & get as much acceptance around everything as I can? So much of what has gone on was not my fault, & I had no choice in it. The best I can do it 'let go' of stuff as much as I can.

If you suffer with or experience extreme altered states; then you will likely be sectioned, controlled, pumped full of drugs, subdued & made apathetic, labelled with a severe mental illness, & given little genuine help. You will be ostracised, social isolated & excluded, & not taken seriously; but chucked on the rubbish heap. Society & the psychiatric system, will then covertly or openly insinuate that you are ultimately responsible for the situation! The mentally ill are one of societies main scape goats, they are one of the main groups to blame, 'we' are the violent, unpredictable, lazy, good for nothing, dole sponging bums; & it is all our fault the way we are, & the situations we are in!

I know I had a part in things, but I lay the real blame firmly where it should be, with this insane society in which we live; that it is a joke to call civilised, & with the barbaric & ineffectual psychiatric system - they are brain butchering scum, as far as I am concerned. Yes, there are some practitioners that mean well, but it is comparable to saying that there were some well meaning Nazis.

Whatever I try, & however I try; I am not going to get the help I am looking for from orthodox psychiatry. I am not going to get the acceptance & understanding that I need from mainstream society. I cannot change the system, I cannot change peoples minds & convictions. We live in a World where when people get a problem, they go to the Doc's & they want drugs, that is the norm, that is the culture - this throw away, shallow, materialistic, inane, spiritually dead, & fickle culture & society in which we live, will not allow those that see things at any other level the opportunity for a more meaningful recovery & life. There is something seriously & deeply wrong with people, society in general & the World.

These ways in which people are living cannot be sustained. We do stand on the brink of societal collapse, whether people see it, or acknowledge it, or not; is of no consequence to what is on the horizon. It is simply a matter of time, & when things do indeed go totally tits up. I do take some solace in the knowledge of that fact. It's what is actually needed. People need to wake up.
 
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diddypinks

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hi apothosis i have always known theyre is something fundamentaly wrong in the world i was homeless for 2 years and saw how nobody helped anyone in society i did find good experiences too but i'm afraid i agree about theyre being something fundamentally wrong in the world. i also get the feeling that i am misunderstood by a lot of people as a lazy work shy bum especially by my next door neighbours who love to report me to the council for "having my tv on at night" lol i agree its a widely held belief that if you were to get a job then your life will be solved which is so not true for many schizophrenics the stress involved would be too much to bear. i got a cpn appoinment today after my sister phoned and was like a bull dog lol so i have an appoiment on friday YEY! i think i need to accept things the way they are more. i just want to see REAL HELP for REAL PEOPLE. i'm tired of being told i dont matter by the very people who are supposed to be helping me.:D
 
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Apotheosis

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hi apothosis i have always known theyre is something fundamentaly wrong in the world i was homeless for 2 years and saw how nobody helped anyone in society i did find good experiences too but i'm afraid i agree about theyre being something fundamentally wrong in the world. i also get the feeling that i am misunderstood by a lot of people as a lazy work shy bum especially by my next door neighbours who love to report me to the council for "having my tv on at night" lol i agree its a widely held belief that if you were to get a job then your life will be solved which is so not true for many schizophrenics the stress involved would be too much to bear. i got a cpn appoinment today after my sister phoned and was like a bull dog lol so i have an appoiment on friday YEY! i think i need to accept things the way they are more. i just want to see REAL HELP for REAL PEOPLE. i'm tired of being told i dont matter by the very people who are supposed to be helping me.:D
Hi Diddy

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Homelessness & housing issues, are very real for some of us.

I hope that the appointment goes well on Friday; some people that work in MH are good people, hopefully you will get someone that is worth their salt.

This World is a very hard environment, & my personal conviction is that this 'place' is a learning environment, a training ground of some kind. There is often a difference in those that have suffered more, in those who have seen & experienced the darker sides to life; there are different Worlds, & sides to life, that unless someone has experienced them; they just don't see.

I have been getting angrier & angrier with people. I suppose that a lot is to do with the frustration with certain things. I don't know exactly where it comes from. It is like it isn't really me. Some things are so difficult to deal with, & it is always the same issues that come up; time & time again.

I had a recent psych app, & I upped the meds slightly; it's still a very low dose though. I also managed to get some sleepers; just a limited amount. It has taken years to get prescribed sleeping tablets. The last I want is dependence on them as well, but I will be careful around them.

I dunno what to suggest. Sometimes I am counting time to the day I leave this mortal coil, & I think about death & mortality a lot. I do want a long life, but death doesn't bother me in any way, & in a way I look forward to it.

Sometimes I think that an animal wouldn't have gone through what I & some others have been through. But as things stand, I suppose that things are not too bad really, all things considered. Given where I have come from, & to where I am now. I have worked through certain things, I have made certain changes, & dealt with certain things, & that is something to be proud of.

I just wonder what is going on with the World; I think that it's going to Hell in a hand-basket.

I hope that you can find some of the support & help that you need.
 
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diddypinks

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hello apothosis i know what you mean theyre are where i say to myself in my head i just wouldnt mind being dead now. i think it quite natural to be a little bitter about the fact that you have a long term induring mental illness i was diagnosed 4-5 months ago and its put a whole new perspective on my life before i was just weird now i am schizophrenic its a lot to take in and a lot to live with i feel myself too unfortunately in my head sounding like an angry bitter person which i dont like but i'm not harming anyone. you sound very intelligent and its a double edge sword because you see things that other people dont and the world is BLOODY crazy were mutated apes on a big ball lol and i think working 9 hours a day ALL your life to pay a mortgage on a house tht you never spend time in accept weekends and then be a robot for a company that doesnt care about its workers TO BE MAD. my mum has a spare room in her house she NEVER uses. so you see through what were " supposed to do" and operate on a more philisopical basis. i hope you realise what an asset you are to this site you have helped many people myself included and i hope you feel good about being alive again soon. diddy:D
 
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Apotheosis

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i hope you realise what an asset you are to this site you have helped many people myself included and i hope you feel good about being alive again soon. diddy:D
Thank you very much for the kind compliments. Despite how I may come across on-line, I have little confidence, & my self esteem is not good. I get doubtful about the value of my on-line posting, & so it is very kind of you to say that you have felt helped by me.

Please remember that you are so much more than a 'diagnosis'. That you are someone labelled with a condition that the Bio-Medical model refers to as schizophrenia, & that it is simply one small part of you; it is not what defines or identifies you - far from it.
 

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