- Dec 31, 2019
I have been going back and forth with a new hobby that I've wanted to do. Liking it and feeling as though it's somehow going to make things better, change my life and then thinking that it's stupid and wondering what I'm doing. And tonight when I was about to start something I had to light a candle and the lighter wouldn't work and I lost it. Suddenly I feel like a complete joke. What an idiot. Whats the point in doing anything? Why am I alive? I hate myself and I want to hurt myself but I'm not allowed to. I have no-one to talk to. I feel so alone. And it's so destabilising when you don't know who you are. What do I like? Why don't I know that? I'm just a nobody.