- Jul 14, 2020
I’ve been able to manage my Complex PTSD in the past few months, but unfortunately life has its way of throwing you a curveball when you least expect it. This past weekend, my dad was admitted to the icu in critical care and has been on life support for the past week. My dad seemed okay one minute, the next he’s in a hospital bed and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help but blame myself. My dad and I have always had an amazing relationship. He’s been my biggest supporter and always tried to keep me safe and protected from my moms abuse growing up. I’ve had the incredible luck of finally getting to live somewhere just worth my dad, and it’s been a blessing. Recently we’ve been fighting here and there and I was beginning to avoid him. What I didn’t realize was by me being petty and angry over little fights here and there I didn’t realize how sick my dad really was, I didn’t try to help him and it’s just breaking my heart. On top of it all, me and my dad might be getting kicked out now and I’m not sure if I have anywhere to go and I definitely am not able to find a place right now that I can afford on my own. It feels like all the progress I’ve made is lost. I feel broken and scared, I can’t stop having flashbacks and panic attacks and I’m unable to control my emotions or anger, and it genuinely just feels like I have no one. I know I should reach out to friends but I don’t even know what to say. It feels like I’ve lost control of everything again and I’m powerless, like I’m incapable of even doing basic tasks. It’s just a lot, and I know I just need to stay strong but it’s hard when I can’t talk to the one person who would be able to calm me down, and that’s always been my dad.