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Feeling sad

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bluebell24

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
It's four months since a really important friendship ended. Yet I am still devestated and finding myself in tears again.

Other things have been improving ... meds working, found a job ... but just can't get over the lost friendship. I miss him so much and the experience now scares me when thinking of new friendships; I don't think I could trust anyone so much again nor trust myself not to make the same mistakes and become over dependant and over bearing.

I wish I hadn't messed things up. Hate having lost someone so funny & kind. Too sad : (
 
Neferakhet

Neferakhet

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
86
Location
Beyond the Styx
It's four months since a really important friendship ended. Yet I am still devestated and finding myself in tears again.

Other things have been improving ... meds working, found a job ... but just can't get over the lost friendship. I miss him so much and the experience now scares me when thinking of new friendships; I don't think I could trust anyone so much again nor trust myself not to make the same mistakes and become over dependant and over bearing.

I wish I hadn't messed things up. Hate having lost someone so funny & kind. Too sad : (
What can I say.Loosing someone special always hurts a lot.And in life somethings when you do them you can never take them back.Our regrets especially about people haunts us..

We seriously need a time machine.Four months and you are still devastated.In that case you definetely need more time to pass.And hopefully you'll forget him/her at some point in your life.

Apart from that I wish that we didn't need to constantly depend on time to pass for our pain to be lessened,it sucks but it's the only thing we can hold on to.. time is our friend.

You need time

EDIT:

If anyone is wondering who is we? We is anyone with a regret,anyone who can't let it go,anyone who can not forget,anyone who feels hurt over the loss of someone.
 
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trombone_babe

trombone_babe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
1,191
Location
Kent
Hi Bluebell, I really understand how you feel, we've talked before how I get myself in similar situations. I'm glad you're feeling better overall. Of course it will take time to get over losing your friend, you're still grieving over the loss of something important to you. It does make you never want to trust anyone ever again, I know, but someone will come along, I'm sure, and you will make that connection again without having to think about it.

Is there absolutely no hope of the friendship ever being repaired? I'm lucky enough to have reconnected with my friend, I don't really know what happened. Something I said must have clicked and helped him to understand.
 
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bluebell24

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
Hey there,

thanks both of you for your replies. I know it'll take time, I just can't see the end of the tunnel so it's really hard. And it almost feels that the more my health & life in general improve the more I miss him; it's the good stuff I want to share with him so much.

There's absolutely no hope for reconciliation now. I tried to apologise & explain things but I was too ill and it all came put wrong. I managed to make things worse and realise now that when he broke off the friendship it was probably hard for him and I believe at that point he still cared for my well being. Now he just thinks I'm some crazy stalker bitch and has no respect left for me.

I just miss him so much, there is an enormous void in my life now and I have no idea how to stop it hurting and gnawing away at me. I regret letting him down so much and wish he knew how sorry I am. : (
 
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Hatstand

Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
15
Location
England
Hey Bluebell,
I'm in a very similar boat at the moment. It's been 3 months and I'm still so very confused and miss (who was then) my best friend so very much. He changed my life,made me smile again and made me feel good about myself then there was an abrupt end with no goodbye. I think about him everyday and I'm determined to just think about the wonderful time we had together. I find myself worrying about him,hoping that he is happy etc.
I'm not on the emotional rollercoaster any longer but the pain is still there. It will get easier I know but I do not want to forget him. He was a wonderful man and hate is such a horrible emotion.

In time Bluebell he will be just a fond memory. Sounds cheesey but hopefully true.
:hug:
 
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bluebell24

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
Hi Hatstand,

Completely know how you re: how your friend made you feel. The person I'm missing once told me that my personality is my 'unique selling point' without a hint of sarcasm!

Apart from my husband and one other person I find it difficult to really connect with anyone. I miss having another person in my life with whom I can be completely myself. And I am finding it impossible to live with the knowledge that I have made someone I care for so much feel nothing but, at best, contempt for me. I wonder what kind of person that makes me?

It really is destroying me and I've just no idea how to stop feeling like this.:confused::(
 
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Hatstand

Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
15
Location
England
Bluebell,

I haven't the answers, I wish I did. This may sound odd but the only way I cope is by pretending he has passed away and I just remember the good feelings, the way he used to make me laugh and the complete trust I had with him it made me feel so liberated. These things still make my heart flutter and make me smile.

Deep down I would love to speak to him again but then I just think to myself...nope,ain't ever going to happen sugarplum,he's no longer with us. He was just a dream!

Do I need locking up? Well,whatever works for you I guess. It helps me get on with my life.

You will stop feeling the way you do Bluebell. The feelings you are experiencing are good,sounds warped but if you didn't have the feelings you are describing then that wouldn't be normal and that would be something to worry about.

You'll sort yourself out. I promise. xxx:)
 
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