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Feeling rough...

honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi there - sorry for this post but I just felt the need to get it off my chest so to speak,

For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling pretty down on and off but today I just seem to have hit a real low and had started to plan to cut my wrist tomorrow - just the thought of it brings me some kind of relief which I feel stupid for. I told my OH and they kind of lost it a bit thinking that I was suicidal which I'm not at the mo. - though it is pretty attractive - so much so that I couldn't deny it to them. I just feel completely lost in this hell - on the face of it I have everything going for me but at the same time I feel I have nothing, I have no feeling left I'm just an empty shell, no energy to commit to anything.

I do have an early psychologist appt. tomorrow so will talk it through with them... I just feel so useless & pathetic... sorry.
 
rollinat

rollinat

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You certainly don't come across as useless and pathetic - rather, from all your other posts, you seem to have a really good understanding of depression and its insidious effects; and always good at helping others.

It's good that you have an appt tomorrow - will you be able to speak about your thoughts to them? I hope so. Keep posting on here as well.

Look after yourself and keep safe.

:hug:
Rollinat
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Thanks Rollinat and thanks for the positive feedback :hug:.

I'll be able to talk to them about my current feelings but am not sure how much this will help - I think the psychol is looking at a longer term fix - and rightly so. I think I might end up ringing the support help line for more immediate support / help - though I don't feel that they've been a great help in the past - oh I hate this - I feel that to use the support I need to be more positive, more 'chipper' and all I feel is really cr*p. I end up feeling so bad that all I want to do is hurt myself so any 'techniques' they talk about get lost - something else for me to feel bad about...
 
rollinat

rollinat

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I know, it can feel like a vicious circle, can't it? You feel low and rubbish about everything, so can't put into place any of the things you know you "should" be doing and the things that would probably would help you if you weren't feeling so rubbish in the first place - but how to get out of that place? There's the rub.

A family member is a GP and I was talking to her about CBT which she thinks can be helpful but only if you are not really low at the point of starting it. Which makes sense to me, even if it's not what I'd like to hear.

I hope the support help line is able to help you, even if it just distracts you enough at the moment to get through.

Thinking of you.

:hug:
Rollinat
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Yes - I know what you mean about CBT as I've knocked it back on a few occasions as I just knew it wouldn't work - it's all chicked and egg stuff - having enough belief in yourself that gives the approach a toe hold. I just hate myself at the mo. and I get into the position of feeling allmost that I don't deserve the support - which I know is daft - one thing I've learnt is that there is no logic to depression - unfortunately knowing this doesn't help. Arghhhh. :mad:
 
rollinat

rollinat

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Knowing something intellectually and actually believing are very different, though, aren't they?

Sorry, need to go to bed now. Once again, take care and I'll look out for you tomorrow if that's ok.

Rollinat
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Bye for now - yep I'll be around tomorrow!
 
wishiwuzthar

wishiwuzthar

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I was thinking about this

I had a friend who was deep in depression as well. Now, his parents(?) were absolute ***holes, & he used drugs to escape his reality. He placed him self in a rehab, when he emerged he began to counsel others with what he had learned firsthand.
I was thinking that could that be something you would be interested in? I can tell you this the good feeling you will get from helping another in need is quite fulfilling!


Hi there - sorry for this post but I just felt the need to get it off my chest so to speak,

For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling pretty down on and off but today I just seem to have hit a real low and had started to plan to cut my wrist tomorrow - just the thought of it brings me some kind of relief which I feel stupid for. I told my OH and they kind of lost it a bit thinking that I was suicidal which I'm not at the mo. - though it is pretty attractive - so much so that I couldn't deny it to them. I just feel completely lost in this hell - on the face of it I have everything going for me but at the same time I feel I have nothing, I have no feeling left I'm just an empty shell, no energy to commit to anything.

I do have an early psychologist appt. tomorrow so will talk it through with them... I just feel so useless & pathetic... sorry.
 
rollinat

rollinat

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How are you today Honeyquince? I hope your appt was helpful this morning.

Take care.

Rollinat
 
daffy

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Hope your feeling ok today and that your appontment gave you some help.

Take carexx
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi everyone,

Thanks for the posts! I feel very lucky to have you all here :clap:!

I am feeling better today but still a bit shaky around the edges. I'm lucky that I have a friend who is sticking pretty close to me at the moment to make sure I don't do anything 'silly'. I just have to get through tomorrow morning and they'll be here.

As far as the SH goes I feel I've been through this cycle before where I'll have a few bad days sufficient to make me want to go through with it only to have a better day when I have the opportunity... I tend to cycle through this routine for a few days until opportunity matches up with low mood :cry:.

Had quite a good meeting with my psychologist though which was challenging me to develop my compassionate self - I know that I need a big dollop of that :unsure:!
 
rollinat

rollinat

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I'm glad you have someone there who is looking after you. Sounds like a good friend to have. Glad that your psych appt was good if challenging (or perhaps good because it was challenging).

Take care of yourself.

:hug:
Rollinat
 
KP1

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Hi Honey Quince hope things are going ok and glad you've got your friend coming.
KP:hug:
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi KP,

Thanks for your post today. Unfortunately after a good day today I have started to get the same old feelings back again - just starting to sneak in round the corners. Hey ho - anyway I am really pleased to have had today and tomorrow will bring whatever it wants. My friend and I are planning a trip to Harrogate Turkish baths soon so that should be fun and extremely relaxing as long as I don't fall asleep :sleep:!
 
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