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Feeling rejected

M

Misssy

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2012
Messages
2
Hi all,

I don't really no where to start but here I got, I hope to get some reassurance as I'm feeling very much ridiculed and rejected by my family, I've had a really hard life, abused as child bullied at school, rejected at birth by my dad and through out my child hood, various rapes as a teenager, and much more, attempted sucide at age 19 it didn't work, but still continued to feel depressed now I'm a mother I love mylife for the first time but I'm finding it so difficult especially having feelings of not good enough to be a mum even though I give my children the best, feeling unworthy to be a mum feeling like don't deserve to be a mum and that I don't deserve to be happy or anything good.
My mum is very good a manuuiplating me, and after feeling guilty by chams for not having a good relationship with my family I went to visit them I think it was a mistake because I'm now feeling so bad very tearful feeling like a reject that's what it where like as a child, my sister is everyone's favourite, my family don't like people who have mental health they laugh they make fun, they ignorant to it they say oh it's not bipolar they are just 'mad' I always try to get help I try to find out what's wrong with me but I'm terrified about the judgmental view which might make me lose my children, it's like I know they hate me but they pretend to be okay with me just to hurt my feelings, my sister can't stand me she doesnt like to be around me she calls me mad, thing is I love them and it scares me to not have them in mylife but they are hurting my feelings do much they won't even talk to me unless I make the effort, they don't really bother with me, my mum tries to have a relationship with my children but im made to feel like an outcast, I can't help who I am they make me feel like a monster I really do try, I think I scare people I don't know how, I worried that my kids will start to treat me like this, I will continue this another time I'm really upset, please any helpful toughts would be nice.
 
B

belmont

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2012
Messages
50
Location
Merseyside
Hi Missy

You certainly have got a lot to cope with there, but you certainly are not unworthy to be a mother and the other low opinions you have of yourself. I think maybe your family treat you like they do because they don't understand the problems you have and what you don't understand can often frighten you and so they use this as a coping mechanism, but having said that it certainly doesn't excuse their behaviour. I don't really know that anything that I can say will really make you feel any better, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Remember how ever your family treat you, you are a really worth while person and that there are people thinking of you.
 
M

Misssy

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2012
Messages
2
Thanks Belmont, I think I do frighten them even when I'm just being myself, I'm not violent or nothing, I don't know I want to really limit the contact with them they make me feel bad, paranoid even if they don't mean it, but then mostly everyone makes me feel bad so it must be me I know I'm sensative easily offended sometimes etc, but I'm not a monster like some people treat, I have one good friend who thinks I'm amazing but I don't want to scare her away with too many problems
 
S

sofiabpd

Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2012
Messages
15
Hi missy , your post got to my attention as i've had similar experiences with my family my dad abandoned me made me feel like i was unworthy of love my mam emotionally abused me for years , and so did my nan. I have a dysfunctional family , and i know i feel i'd love to cut them off out of my life. Considering my mental health issues are caused by my past. I find it hard to trust people have unstable relationships , cos i'm scared to get close to people esp romantic partners. I really know how it can affect you feeling unloved by your family. But you are a nice person and i'm sure you have alot to offer. Sometimes you've gotta just tell yourself things will get better, and maybe councilling will help i'm in the process of getting some, hope this has helped a little bit . Your not alone xxx
 
P

Pitane

New member
Joined
Sep 17, 2012
Messages
3
Hi,
Remember your are not alone. Sometimes and I know this is hard, a family is what is called a 'toxic' family and their only coping mechanisms are to hurt the very people closest to them. They don't know what they don't know.

It sounds to me at any rate you love your children, you want the best for your children and you like many of us live with mental illness whatever this means to you. However you are a person of value. Remember your children love you. (I don't know if there is a partner in the mix or you're a single mum, if there is a partner remember your partner loves you also.) You also have found a loving friend.

You don't have to do everything alone. Sometimes the hardest thing when we're trying to keep everything together is lean on another, yet sometimes this is exactly what makes a wonderful relationship and/or friendship.

It's okay not to want to give up your family even if they continue to hurt you time and again. Have you considered not seeing or talking to them as often. Giving them up is like wrenching a part of you from yourself. Putting some boundaries around them will give you the power to be yourself and be the talented and capable person you are.

Putting boundaries in place also will down the track command respect from your family as they will come to realise you are your own unique and capable person. It may take a very long time, so don't hold out your breath for them to change. The person to change if any change has to be made is with you. Remember those who care about you and hold this close to your heart.

If you do need to talk through the issues and don't feel that friends are the place, you may want to start a journey of talking to a professional you can trust and will assist you to sort out the issues and the traumas that you have experienced.

As the saying goes one can choose one friends. One can't choose one's relations. However one can certainly put boundaries in place in order to remain true to oneself and be the talented and capable person one can be.

Hope this assists.
 
Hellbilly

Hellbilly

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 24, 2012
Messages
5,988
Location
Cumbria uk
Hey missy same here love
Your not alone and families can be shit lol
Remember you have your own family now time to give them what you never got .
And you must be ok at it cos you would soon know if you weren't lol
I am only so good now because I put boundaries in place to keep my lot out and it's helped
Now it's only my hang ups and insecurities that can screw it up .but whenever I think I am I'm not lol
 

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