Feeling really down

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Sarah63689

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Hi, my boyfriend died by suicide last year. My Dad has been emotionally abusive and has terminal cancer. Have been struggling to cope lately. In particular having problems with anxiety and getting on with friends because I tried to explain the situation with my Dad. Please could anyone help, am on the waiting list for counselling but it's taking ages to cone through. Thank you
 
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Sarah63689

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Hi, thank you for your reply :) I feel really lonely at the moment. Have been trying to work out what to do about my Dad but am losing friends because of the way I've been lately. Keep worrying too much!
 
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Sarah63689

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Thank you, I think I will. I talked to my friends about problems and wished I hadn't, it made me feel worse and think it stressed them out and has affected the friendships, esp as they have their own problems. Hoping to put things right somehow.
 
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EM1

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Hi, my boyfriend died by suicide last year. My Dad has been emotionally abusive and has terminal cancer. Have been struggling to cope lately. In particular having problems with anxiety and getting on with friends because I tried to explain the situation with my Dad. Please could anyone help, am on the waiting list for counselling but it's taking ages to cone through. Thank you
I am very encouraging & understanding of what you're going through. Just know that in Jeremiah 29:11 God's got us no matter what happens. I have 5 companies to pay off including Disability insurance debt payments Bi-weekly of 250.00. I lost my disability insurance in December of 2017. Now I live with abusive & controlling parents that blame me for everything at times because their heads are stuck on political issues. Retired military as well.
 
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Sarah63689

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Thank you, sorry to hear what you're going through, it must be really stressful. There's always hope I think, that things can get better.
 
Warrior

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:welcome: @Sarah63689 to the forum..members are a great bunch of people and very helpful :)

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend and to do that something tipped him over the edge :( and regarding your dadbeing emotionally abusive I had a mother like that besides regarding in the hitting lark also, not a pleasant way in life but regarding your dads cancer my thoughts are with you on that aspect..had quite a few in the family besides my dad with it :hug:

It sounds like your own nerves have been tipped over the edge with worry and sent you in to anxiety state, if you don't mind me asking but are you caring for your dad also? as it's a large responsibility :grouphug:
 
HauntedWitch

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Hi, my boyfriend died by suicide last year. My Dad has been emotionally abusive and has terminal cancer. Have been struggling to cope lately. In particular having problems with anxiety and getting on with friends because I tried to explain the situation with my Dad. Please could anyone help, am on the waiting list for counselling but it's taking ages to cone through. Thank you
Hi and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your bf and your dad.

I have lost friends also during family health crises. The people you think of as friends sometimes aren't very understanding when the hard times come. I think you will find people on the forum who can totally relate to what is happening to you now though.
 
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Sarah63689

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Thank you @Warrier, yes it was nice to get so many replies 😊

I think the bereavement counselling will help me deal with my feelings.

Sorry you had to put up with your Mum hitting you. I went on a holiday with him and my auntie a couple of months ago and that's where the problems started. He wanted to know where I was all the time and wouldn't believe me when I told him. One day I'd just text him to say I was at the hotel but he reported me missing to the hotel staff. My auntie was really critical of me too which has been upsetting. I got too stressed about the situation and caught up in trying to get some support from my friends.

I saw a counsellor as a one off, he said it was pycological abuse, it's been going on for years really. He was abusive towards my Mum, but since she died I've tried to get on with him, didn't realise how bad it was.

The plan was for me to be his carer but I'm not sure how I can be. Have been trying to arrange something if he needs treatment, he's not had any so far. He has a check-up at the hospital every 2 months, they said he might need chemotherapy. Think if I can get some support for help with his medical needs it might be easier to cope with.

Sorry you've had family who've had cancer, it seems to affect so many people 💜
 
NWiddi

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Welcome Sarah, I hope you get your counselling soon, talking can really help with a situation like yours. CBT was a great help to me. Until then I hope the forum will help you along a little.

Sorry to hear about your dad, I know you have mixed feelings towards him but it still doesn't make it any less painful.

My dad had cancer several years ago but after a lot of radiotherapy he beat it.
 
Warrior

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Thank you @Warrier, yes it was nice to get so many replies 😊

I think the bereavement counselling will help me deal with my feelings.

Sorry you had to put up with your Mum hitting you. I went on a holiday with him and my auntie a couple of months ago and that's where the problems started. He wanted to know where I was all the time and wouldn't believe me when I told him. One day I'd just text him to say I was at the hotel but he reported me missing to the hotel staff. My auntie was really critical of me too which has been upsetting. I got too stressed about the situation and caught up in trying to get some support from my friends.

I saw a counsellor as a one off, he said it was pycological abuse, it's been going on for years really. He was abusive towards my Mum, but since she died I've tried to get on with him, didn't realise how bad it was.

The plan was for me to be his carer but I'm not sure how I can be. Have been trying to arrange something if he needs treatment, he's not had any so far. He has a check-up at the hospital every 2 months, they said he might need chemotherapy. Think if I can get some support for help with his medical needs it might be easier to cope with.

Sorry you've had family who've had cancer, it seems to affect so many people 💜
Hello Sarah, well I had counselling for 3 yrs solid and helped in some factors 👍

My background still torments me to this day but life goes on all though my thoughts now and again reflect back.

Definitely pycological abuse and your aunt was helping matters and if he did this with your mom, he's in the art of repeating it, it's controlling people around you and it really messes with your mind, I had this with my mom besides hitting and the same with first hubby, it makes you feel as low as the gutter (excuse my expression) but that's how I felt.

Being as I've experienced cancer in my family and how you are at the moment get someone in to help you dad because with his health it can lead to guilt trips on you next if you did look after him and you don't need that on top. :love: Abby X
 
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Sarah63689

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@NWiddi Glad your Dad recovered from cancer, my Dad did too a few years ago. The cancer he has now is terminal but it's in the early stages.

The counsellor that I saw said I shouldn't see him too much so I'm conflicted as to whether I should be caring for him or staying away. At the moment I'm just making sure he's okay and being there when he needs me. Hopefully the counselling will help me be clearer on what care he needs.
 
NWiddi

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My friends dad has terminal lung cancer on top of major organ failure from diabetes, the doctors at Weston Park Hospital did the best they could for him but they said he wouldn't survive an operation to remove it.

My dad went to the same hospital and they were brilliant for him.

Will they move your dad to a hospice when the time gets closer?
 
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Sarah63689

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I don't know yet what will happen, he might have to go into hospital or a hospice. Am looking into getting a Macmillin nurse if he needs chemotherapy.

Sorry to hear about your friends Dad.
 
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Sarah63689

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Hi Abby, I'm glad you understand. Am keeping in touch with him and making sure he's okay. I already feel guilty about other things, so you're right I don't need that.

It does make you feel really low and it's given me anxiety.

The counselling appt that I had was at a centre for patients/relatives. Was hoping they'd offer me counselling there but he said to wait for the bereavement counselling and talk about both things together. I'm worried in case something should happen to him but he's okay at the moment. Need to know though what to do, so hopefully it shouldn't be much longer.

Glad the counselling helped you. Think when you've been through something like that it stays with you even though you can find a way to get through and move on. Hopefully it will get easier over time.

😊 xx (can't get the emojis to work on your posts for some reason!)
 
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Sarah63689

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Also had a call back today from the domestic abuse centre, they said to just stay away. They said it's medium risk and they'll close the case until he needs any health care. Just sent an e-mail to Cruse about the counselling so hoping to hear back soon. Trying to deal with anxiety now.
 
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