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Feeling really down

W

whywearelaughing

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
15
Location
usa
My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. He was the first man I ever really let down my guard with and I loved that he let me unfold at my own pace and he loved me through all of it... until he didn't. All of a sudden, he became a different person and started blaming me for everything and giving me the silent treatment and drinking a lot to deal with his emotions. I have wondered if he might have Borderline PD. He's still a very good person but just has some issues to deal with.
I recently called him to see if we could reconcile again and he has been nice but just said that he needs time to think about it (though doesn't seem promising). Even besides that, I have been a mess for months since our break-up. I just feel sad and frustrated and it feels like things are never going to get better. I've stopped making an effort to do the things I used to do and the last few weeks, I just come home from work and just sit in bed until it's time to go to sleep. I am seeing a therapist weekly but it hasn't been helpful at all. I don't know what to do
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
363
Location
fly over country, USA
If I may be so bold, it appears to me that your ex had become the meaning of your life, so now that he's no longer a part of your life, you've a big void to fill.
He wasn't always part of your life. What did you concentrate your thoughts and efforts on before the 2 of you met?
 
W

whywearelaughing

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
15
Location
usa
Thanks for responding.
He wasn't the meaning of my life. I was able to focus on a lot of things like work and hobbies and exercise, etc. The thing is that I really want to get married and have a family and I'm not in my mid-30's and getting more and more terrified that this may not happen (especially the kids part) and that is taking over my life. He was someone I really loved a lot and it all just feels so unfair.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
363
Location
fly over country, USA
Oh, I see. Well it may not be much consolation, but had this happened later in the relationship after marriage and children, you might find yourself a single Mom. Based upon personal experience, while that is not an impossible situation, it is more difficult than most can imagine.
I am in a bad marriage myself, but I also accept responsibility for the situation. My wife still acts largely like she did 25 years ago when we met. She prefers attending rock tribute band concerts at casino's and accumulating 'stuff', while I'm more interested in relaxing at home, studying philosophy and planning for retirement. We've simply grown apart. I married late in life and it took longer than I could have imagined to have children due to unexpected difficulties.
Again, I accept responsibility for my decisions and I'm not going to abandon my kids just because I'm not happy, but I do wish I'd thought more about what I was getting into. There were signs, I chose to ignore them.
I don't know if this helps you or not, but perhaps things will ultimately turn out for the better.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
431
That is rather distressing. However, you are better off not having a relationship than having one that falls apart. So, it is not easy, but what else can you do? Apparently this person is not the right one for you. You cannot force it to be so.
 
W

whywearelaughing

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
15
Location
usa
Thanks to both of you. It was hard to hear then but I know you're right.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
431
I can understand your distress at not having a partner with which to have a family. It is quite difficult. Nevertheless, finding the wrong partner and having problems later on, may even be much worse. It is quite difficult to be alone with a child and no support. There are no easy answers, but I understand your dilemma.
 
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