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Feeling positive but getting them urges

  • Thread starter ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad
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ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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Boop boop pe doop. I have. An urge to harm. Boop boop pe doop. I don't feel anxious. Or low. Do Do, dee do. I'll be going back soon. Do Do, Dee do. To that crazy house with the moon.

....next weekend I'll be going back to uni, away from my family home 7hours away to study. My anchors are here not there.

I'm something like 18days clean. Trying to start the new year with no self harm. Wish me luck, good luck to everyone else with the same or similar goal.
 
Shiroki

Shiroki

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Boop boop pe doop. I have. An urge to harm. Boop boop pe doop. I don't feel anxious. Or low. Do Do, dee do. I'll be going back soon. Do Do, Dee do. To that crazy house with the moon.

....next weekend I'll be going back to uni, away from my family home 7hours away to study. My anchors are here not there.

I'm something like 18days clean. Trying to start the new year with no self harm. Wish me luck, good luck to everyone else with the same or similar goal.
Your life has tremendous value. You are not worthless. You are valued. Please have a good year and focus on you.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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Your life has tremendous value. You are not worthless. You are valued. Please have a good year and focus on you.
Thank you, I wish you a good year as well. Feeling a lotta anxiety tonight, but it is what it is. Just gotta keep keeping on 😊
 
Shiroki

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Thank you, I wish you a good year as well. Feeling a lotta anxiety tonight, but it is what it is. Just gotta keep keeping on 😊
If it makes you feel better, I’m right there with you. I start college classes on Jan 21. Pretty anxious about it, for so many reasons. So I can understand a little of how you feel.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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If it makes you feel better, I’m right there with you. I start college classes on Jan 21. Pretty anxious about it, for so many reasons. So I can understand a little of how you feel.
It's nice to not feel alone in this at least. I honestly don't even know if I passed to get into the next term yet. I've not checked my grades which I should probably do.

But yeah I'm anxious about all sort relating to uni right now
 
Shiroki

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It's nice to not feel alone in this at least. I honestly don't even know if I passed to get into the next term yet. I've not checked my grades which I should probably do.

But yeah I'm anxious about all sort relating to uni right now
I’m kind of excited for the work part, but only because it’s been so long since I learned anything in a school setting and I have a major I’m really interested in. I’m more concerned about being around people. I’m good at blending in but I’m easily influenced by other people’s emotions and end up easily manipulated. I imagine the work will be hard, but people for me are harder lol.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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I’m kind of excited for the work part, but only because it’s been so long since I learned anything in a school setting and I have a major I’m really interested in. I’m more concerned about being around people. I’m good at blending in but I’m easily influenced by other people’s emotions and end up easily manipulated. I imagine the work will be hard, but people for me are harder lol.
Oh yeah definitel! I'm the same, the actual work it's self is fine, I also really love my course. But yeah there are people all over campus, and it's hard to get around between classes without being swamped by crowds of people. And crowds are the worst for me. Really don't like being around people 😅
 
Shiroki

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Oh yeah definitel! I'm the same, the actual work it's self is fine, I also really love my course. But yeah there are people all over campus, and it's hard to get around between classes without being swamped by crowds of people. And crowds are the worst for me. Really don't like being around people 😅
I can fake it well enough to even fake my own ability to handle crowds. But I also don’t care for them, humans in crowds can be like animals!
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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I can fake it well enough to even fake my own ability to handle crowds. But I also don’t care for them, humans in crowds can be like animals!
Ah I wish I could fake it. I usually just end up speed walking away or curling into myself when going through a crowd. I used to be able to do it but somewhere along the way I lost that ability. I guess it's both a good and bad thing sometimes though.

Do you ever get really overwhelmed and just have to find a quiet space to cool down in? I usually hide in a toilet cubicle for a bit cause it's a small space and that comforts me
 
Shiroki

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Ah I wish I could fake it. I usually just end up speed walking away or curling into myself when going through a crowd. I used to be able to do it but somewhere along the way I lost that ability. I guess it's both a good and bad thing sometimes though.

Do you ever get really overwhelmed and just have to find a quiet space to cool down in? I usually hide in a toilet cubicle for a bit cause it's a small space and that comforts me
I had to do that at my most recent job. I’d hide in a toilet stall, but due to the nature of the job I couldn’t even have my phone, so I just sat and introspected.

Oh and the school I will be attending has these like... cubicle chairs? With outlets for phones and stuff and they are sections so you can’t see person next to you or what they are doing. I imagine one of those will be my safe haven in school.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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I had to do that at my most recent job. I’d hide in a toilet stall, but due to the nature of the job I couldn’t even have my phone, so I just sat and introspected.

Oh and the school I will be attending has these like... cubicle chairs? With outlets for phones and stuff and they are sections so you can’t see person next to you or what they are doing. I imagine one of those will be my safe haven in school.
Ahh bathrooms are such a god send sometimes. The only thing with work tho is if you go bathroom too many times they'll get mad which is fair enough but it can be hard when you're anxiety is high that day y'know?

Also that sounds amazing, just sitting in a cubicle on your phone and chilling out is like the most calming things. Sounds like a great spot to collect yourself
 
Shiroki

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Ahh bathrooms are such a god send sometimes. The only thing with work tho is if you go bathroom too many times they'll get mad which is fair enough but it can be hard when you're anxiety is high that day y'know?

Also that sounds amazing, just sitting in a cubicle on your phone and chilling out is like the most calming things. Sounds like a great spot to collect yourself
It really does seem like it will be. And I hear you, and the kind of job it was they certainly did log your bathroom time and everything.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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It really does seem like it will be. And I hear you, and the kind of job it was they certainly did log your bathroom time and everything.
Oof, that's tough. I mean I get it, cause like the time you spend in the bathroom you could spend working but also. People and anxiety. Pfft it's kind of funny in a weird way. I'm not sure why but it just makes me, not look forward to working full time, even more than usual....(lol I don't that made sense)
 
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Oof, that's tough. I mean I get it, cause like the time you spend in the bathroom you could spend working but also. People and anxiety. Pfft it's kind of funny in a weird way. I'm not sure why but it just makes me, not look forward to working full time, even more than usual....(lol I don't that made sense)
Lol it made sense to me, I hear you, but I think if you also end up in the job you wanted, it could be fun. But that’s just my naive opinion.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

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Lol it made sense to me, I hear you, but I think if you also end up in the job you wanted, it could be fun. But that’s just my naive opinion.
Yay) but also yeah that's true. I really hope I can do want I wanna do. I'm learning animation so making films would be amazing for me. But even though I say that, I hate being around people in the studios. Like, it just unnerves me and the noise is awful as well, not just cause I can't concentrate but also cause people exist... Ahh geez, heheh yeah working will be fun in the worst and best ways. But we can only wait and see what happens really.
 
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